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Yes, and I am falling into a million pieces.
I am seeking some form of counseling, because I dont even know how to go about fixing my relationship. Why do I want to fix it? because of my four month old daughter.

Background.

I met my bf last July, at a time in my life where I just wanted to be single and care free. I had just moved to live on my own, and while things were tight I ws happy with finally being independent. I have a BSN but nobody wants to hire me because I have no experience.

So anyway I met him and I told him I didnt want a relationship, so we decided to be firends. that didn't last, and the first time we had sex I got pregnant. We did use protection ( a condom) and I inspected it myself after we were done (tmi sorry) and I thought all was fine.

I was devastated when i found out, but i dealt with it and he was the best BF anyone could ever have during the pregnancy. I was the type of guy who held your hair while your sick. He catered to me hand and foot, and was there in the delevery room and helped me get through the birth. He was wonderful to me in everyway you can think of.

There was always one thing that bothered me, his phone had a passcode. but, I told myself that I was being silly, because he had never given me a reason to think that he is cheating so i am just being paranoid. Plus we kind of talked about not snooping in each others phones in the beginning, we both think its a violation of privacy. Ive been in a relationhip like that before and I felt like he was my father always checking my phone.

Now this one girl has been texting him alot, but I convinced myself that I was being ridiculous, as he was showing no signs of cheating. I dont really enjoy going to concerts and stage shows, but he does, so he would go every now and then without me.

the suspicions I was having were getting the best of me one night after he went to run some errands after work and he took forever to get home. Once we fell asleep that night i went to check his messages (I would see him put his passcode in all the time so I knew what it was). i scrool down to the number that I see texting him all time and see two picture messages of sonograms. tagline - look what we made!

I wont waste time telling you how much i went off and how much crying i did. She is due in march, which would mean he got her pregnant right around the same time I had my daughter. I can barely get through writing this.

I thought about leaving. Since the minute I found out I packed my bags and I still havent unpacked because I am not sure I am staying. Everytime I decide to leave I look at my daughter and I just cant get through the door because of her. I grew up with both parents and it is a firm belief of mine that children should have both parents in the home. Plus, I dont have a good job, and I cannot provide for her efficiently on my own. government assistance is not a option for me.

My boyfriend shows signs of remorse, but I do not believe a single word he says. I have been checking his phone, monitoring is every move but this gives my absolutely no relief. She is pregnant, there is no severing that bond. If I stay with him there will never be any relief from this.

I found out about his on friday night, it is now wednesday and we both want to go to counseling, but cannot afford it. So I came online wondering if there were any free alrenatives and I came across this board.

I know i was foolish for getting pregnant so early. I know he is a bastard. And I know I should leave. But please, I just need to know if there is anyway this can be fixed. for the sake of my innocent four month old, I do not want to rip her family apart. If it were not for herm though I still love him him, I would be gone the very same night I found out.

Please. Counsel.

ETA: Im sorry if there are any typos, but I cannot read this over. I cant face it in words.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Has anyone tried the "talk with a live counselor" option? Is it legit and safe when it comes to billing? I am really seeking counsel to see if can be repaired.
 

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BSN - Bachelor of Science Nursing? Have you passed the RN boards?

If you are an RN, you are right they want experience, so you start as a CNA in a hospital at approx. $17.00 an hour, with full medical & dental benefits.

You said you were financially independent when you met your b/f. Why are you not now? Did you quit your job to be a SAHM while your b/f supports you financially?

Your baby is 4 mos. old & old enough to go to daycare. You can also get child support from your boyfriend by filing for it.

So the above is a good plan for you to put into action to leave him. Your baby will be better off with you alone & happy then being miserable living together. He can co-parent from his own place.

I'm very sorry about all of this. His cheating, lying, getting another woman pregnant is a horrible foundation for a fairly new relationship & will haunt you for the rest of your life if you don't move on & start to heal.

Good luck.
 

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Talk to a lawyer as soon as possible. You need to get away from this guy and he is required by law to pay child support, so you are not entirely on your own with your child.

As far as being a "family" for the sake of your daughter, you are not a "family" just because you live together. Obviously. He's cheating on you and will soon be a "family" with another woman and their child. Your daughter will be a half-sister to his other child.

Besides, I can't imagine that you want to teach your daughter that it's ok to be betrayed and cheated on. That's what you'd be teaching her by example if you stay.
 

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If you stay, your allowing this behavior to be okay. The possibility of him cheating again is great.

You want to follow your parents example, but are they unmarried? I believe your using this as an excuse to stay. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm looking at your situation from an unbiased point of view and from example.

My ex h cheated on me while we were married. It was with more then one woman. I had a child as well and I too believed that a child is best to grow up with two parents. However, I thought over this really hard and I could never raise my children in a household where infidelity was okay. By staying this would implement cheating was okay. My ex h still cheats to this day on his current wife. Actually he's proud of it too and boasts his encounters to others.

Staying in a relationship just because it fits 2 parents is wrong. We are responsible to raise our children by good examples.

My ex was remorseful too, but it didn't last long. He was out sleeping around in no time. I met a very honorable and decent man that I'm proud to raise children with. My husband is a family man devoting his life to me and the children.

Your better off packing your bags and finding a man who loves you. One that wants to propose and be in your life forever. Good luck.
 

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This is sad and I am sorry you are going through this. The horrible premise of this relationship is a brood from lust and not from love. Your "bf" does not love you and never did. Do not confuse what love is, he is desperate and ever more so by getting another woman pregnant after you.

Do you want to deal with this boy for the rest of your life?

It is unheard of around here that a person with a BSN/RN could not get a job. Move if you have to. Do not be afraid because you are stronger than you think you are.

Of course he is the biological donor for your child but if he wants to be a "father" he can do it while you are moving on with your life and are not being held back.

Look at yourself 10 years from now when your little girl is 10 years old. Do you want to be dealing with this boy as "bf" or father still? There are plenty of men who do not mind women who never married with children, especially young children.

Beat yourself up now and move on, but do not beat yourself up again 5,10,20 years down the line saying, "I should have, I could have, why wasn't I, why didn't I?"

Do it for yourself.

Love comes again.
 

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I wish I could tell you that you can fix this and everything will be okay in the end. The chances are, statistics point out, that is not the case.

His young age is a factor. The length of your relationship is a factor. The fact he did not immediately tell you and break it off with the OW (other woman).

There is also the fact that he is playing two ends against the middle (having a new baby with you and "playing house" with the OW). I would bet the OW has zero idea about you.

You need to shore up the damage before it becomes overwhelming. He could very well rob you blind, it happens all the time, secure your finances and valuable belongings.

Tell the OW right away. Do not be so quick to burn the bridge there. Not only is she carrying your daughter's half sibling, she is in the same boat as you and could provide you with invaluable information about what has been going on. She could also be a crazy b!tch so approach with caution.

I know you are so torn up and I know you are desparate to make this right. The only chance, and it is a snowball's chance in hell, would be if you put your foot down, dump him and move on. Maybe in a time he will prove and work his way back into a place where you could consider R (reconciliation). That means though, that you are hung up on him for years hoping he will be worthy.

I also know you are freaking out about raising your daughter without a father. Do not think for a moment that you are not worthy of a good man and father for your daughter. My bio dad left my mom when she was pregnant with her third child, my baby sister. To make a long story short my mother remarried a man who raised us like his own. I never lacked for a father, never suffered without one and never felt abandoned. I actually felt pretty special to carry my father's name.

This type of rejection can warp a person for life, especially a young person. You have to know you didn't deserve this. You didn't bring this on. There wasn't something you could do differently. This says everything about him and nothing about you. Hold your head high...you have no reason not to.

There are posts at the top of this forum that can help you. Read them.

*hugs*
 
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