Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 1 of 1 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Ladies-

I am new to the forums, and have come here hoping I can get some ideas and perspective. My husband and I have been married for 8 months and are really struggling with some trust issues. Years ago, his first girlfriend cheated on him numerous times, which I believe has led to his inherent distrust of me. We have a very open and honest relationship in that we don't keep secrets from one another, he has my passwords to all of my accounts, he has full access to everything-email, phone, texts, etc. and I have no issues with this because I have nothing to hide. He is someone who needs constant reassurances that I love him and that I'm not going to leave him. I've made a point of tailoring my behavior to cater to his needs, as I love him and want him to feel secure. I've even gone as far as eliminating friendships that make him feel uncomfortable. It was hard, but he is my husband and we are committed to each other.

Lately, however, I have found myself walking on eggshells with him. Any and all of my behavior is under constant scrutiny. If I stay at the gym 15 minutes longer than I'd planned, he starts texting me asking why I've not left yet. He uses the 'Find Friends' app on our phones so he always knows where I am. Any time I get a text alert or any notification on my phone, he literally jumps and says, 'You have a text/notification!' and waits until I read it and tell him who/what it is. Whenever a male comments or likes any of my posts on Facebook, he grills me over who he is and how I know him, etc. etc. When I travel for business, if I don't text him when I arrive and leave an appointment, I'll get a text that says something like "Well, I assume you made it and had a good meeting. Text me when you can, I guess." If I don't respond to his texts in a very short amount of time, he gets upset and thinks I'm ignoring him. If we are sitting on the couch together watching TV, if I glance down at my ipad or phone, he'll touch me and say, "HELLO!" as if he needs my eyes on him 100% of the time. It's become extremely exhausting for me, and to be honest, I simply don't have the emotional bandwidth to keep this up much longer. He doesn't like it when I discuss things like this with my friends (the few I have left) or sister, because he says these are private issues, with which I agree to a certain extent. However, I'm feeling isolated as I don't have a support system or sounding board to give me some perspective.

It all came to a head this morning, when at about 6:30 am I woke to find him standing over my night table reading the texts and notifications on my ipad, which again, is fine with me. He said, "What were you doing on Facebook at 2am?" which was very confusing to me, because I was sound asleep at 2am, after reading for a while and turning in around 12:30. I purchased a book on Amazon.com last night, and the receipt came in at 3am, which he sent to me to prove that I was lying and actually awake at 2-3am, evidently on Facebook. I can't explain why the Facebook app said I was active at 2am, nor can I explain the 2 1/2 hour delay on getting the receipt from Amazon's servers, but this made me a liar and public enemy number one. After this, I deactivated my Facebook account and deleted the app from both my phone and ipad. I actually started thinking about the possibility of having to resign my job, as I work in IT and about 90% of the people I deal with are men, and unfamiliar men are just one more thing that upsets him, even in a professional scenario.

Needless to say, this really pushed me over the edge, and I fell apart. I can't live this way. Being scrutinized for my behavior when I'm sound asleep is just taking this one step too far. I love my husband. I've never cheated on him or done anything that would dishonor the vows we took, and at this point, I have NO IDEA how to make this better. My breaking point is not far off, I feel like I'm just going through the motions of living my life, that I'm being slowly and systematically cut off from my social circles, and he won't rest until I have no friends or contacts outside of himself, and my family. As a very social person who has already made a lot of changes and concessions in the name of easing his mind, this is getting more and more difficult to swallow.

In short, HELP! I have no idea what to do, how to make him trust me, how to live the life I want to live with him in it, but also balanced with the other things I hold dear such as work, exercise, friends, and other activities. Any thoughts or advice are greatly appreciated, and I thank you in advance.
 
1 - 1 of 1 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top