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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all
So before i got married, i was very sexually active. My then fiance and I would have sex sometimes multiplle times a day, and prior to him I always had very sexually active relationships and I would be the lead initiator.
Sine getting married 2 years ago, my appetite has gone downhill severley. My husband would love to have sex every day or at least every second day but I would be happy with once or twice a week. Nothing has changed medically or physically (I have been checked for a mangnatude of things) but i am starting to find myself resenting my husbands advances more and more.
I can tell it bothers him and I wish I wasn't feeling this way. It's getting to the point where if he is feeling frisky and I am not, I get very angry at him. I will take care of him by hand or orally but the whole time i am thinking how much I want it over with, and how he better like it and hurry up and finish.
It's getting worse and worse. He is the best husband anyone could ask for, so it's not him that is making me feel this way.
Nothing bad has ever happened to me in the past (abuse etc) so it's not a dormant issue.
What should I do???
 

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Any medical issues or any medications that might have contributed to a drop in libido? Maybe you're not in love with him anymore?
 

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"but the whole time i am thinking how much I want it over with, and how he better like it and hurry up and finish."

These are my exact thoughts when I accompany my wife on antique road trips, window shopping on upscale shopping areas or watching a chick flick. But you know what? I do it because she likes these things and she likes me being there with her as part of it.

What do? Suck it up and take care of his sexual needs.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for the prompt replies.
Shadow- I am in love with him still. I don't really feel sexual towards anyone else at the moment. I do masterbate from time to time to porn but am still having sex more than I do this.
Trey- No.And I am still in love with him.
Enjoli- I turn 30 this year, he is 37. We don't have kids yet and we both work full time so don't spend much time together. We do the chores at home, take care of the pets and thats it. We used to do a lot of activities together. Not anymore.
Chris- I do 'suck it up'. I have sex with him almost every time he wants it. But its the resentment that's building that worries me.
 

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Resentment is a killer in a marriage, and a big libido turn off for women. What are you resentful about?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Having to have sex when i dont want to- i have gone from wanting it a lot, to wanting it once a week
 

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Having to have sex when i dont want to- i have gone from wanting it a lot, to wanting it once a week
Having to? Does he make you? Or are you saying, when he wants to and you don't, instead of telling him how you feel you just do it so he wont be mad etc?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
He never makes me- i do turn him down not always though. I sometimes will have sex when I dont want it just so he doesn't think i dont love him. i love him but id prefer to have sex just once a week not several.
 

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He never makes me- i do turn him down not always though. I sometimes will have sex when I dont want it just so he doesn't think i dont love him. i love him but id prefer to have sex just once a week not several.
If you communicated to him you would be happy with just once a week, what do you think he would say? How about a compromise of twice a week? Would he be ok with that?
 

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I would suggest laying off the porn (or, if you must, include your husband!) and instead use that time to join your husband in a common activity.

This is likely to restore some of your drive and, with luck, bond over the new activities.
 

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Acorn beat me to it!

My question to you is, how many times a week do you have sex with your husband VS how many times a week you watch porn?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I probably view porn a couple of times a week. Sometimes just one, sometimes not at all. We have sex about 4 times a week.
I agree with stopping the porn. I will do that and see if this helps.
We need to find something we can do together and make it into a date night or a whole day on a weekend or something. That is a great idea. I will look into that and suggest it to him :)
 

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You said he is the best husband anyone could ask for and that is certainly a positive outlook but you have also eliminated many other possibilities which is helpful.

I would encourage you to write down anything you can think that may be lacking in your epectations of him to explore if any of this is the culprit.

Resentment is dangerous so getting to the bottom of it is important to stop it from building up.

It sounds like other things are good so you know where to focus.

Ask yourself why you resent it and force yourself to write down even the most speculative answer and examine it.

Write down the differences between his romantic pursuit of you now compared to when he was courting you. Also ask yourself if anything is too predictable or repetitious and then discuss with him how you feel and what you have done to figure it out.

If he is romancing you then it seems unnatural to be taking a sexual nose dive.
 

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I too think the porn is killing your sex drive. Those couple of times a week you rub one out alone can be saved for your husband to enjoy with you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
For me, its like we lost that spark. And finding a common activity that we can do together away from work and the house may be a great way to start getting that back. I will make that list and see where I get with it. maybe i should get him to write a list too, see if we can meet in the middle, we might be thinking similar things.
A bit much- i will try taking porn out of the equation and see f this also sends me back to my husband more, and help me regain my drive. i do know porn can be an issue in a lot of marriages, so i will re-focus my attention to him.
 

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Damn you sound good other than that. I like the willingness to tackle it and love the idea of your having him doing it to.

I also agree that porn as little as you "use" it will cut back on your desire IRL.

Take a look at the types of porn that gets you off and see if a pattern develops that you can attempt IRL with your hub.

As for spark. Romance and QT CANT STOP especially for women IMO.

I do have confidence with your fantastic attitude and willingness to try suggestions, you can beat this.

I read about 30 books and a hundred articles to figure out my marriage. The number one deal is when the honeymoom endorphin ****tail whers off after 18 months to 4 years out you have to refule with continued pursuit romance and QT.

We all need attention, affection and appreciation once the whirlwind subsides to reignite and keep it going
 

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Sounds like you have lost the connection (and it's easy to do when life gets in the way).

No. 1 on the list should be make time to do things you enjoy with your husband.

The connection will come back.
 
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