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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have gained a few lbs and sex with my wife almost does not exist. between her cycle and her being tired we have sex maybe 2-3 Times a month.
but when we do its like punching a time clock.
 

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You will need to explain what you mean by this. Do you mean that for you it's like a job? How is it like a job?
 

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I have gained a few lbs and sex with my wife almost does not exist. between her cycle and her being tired we have sex maybe 2-3 Times a month.
but when we do its like punching a time clock.
What exactly is a "few" pounds? What prevents you from staying in shape if that appeals to your wife?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
to answer the question when we do have sex its always hurry up and get the over I'm going to bed. in other words do your job and get it over.

a few lbs is about 20.
my thing is love come from the heart not what you look like.
 

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what's normal?do the two of you flirt with each other still?no affairs on either side?no trust issues?are you kind to each other?do you make each other laugh and smile?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
we flirt I flirt but get shut down she flirt but never follow through.
yes she had an affair about a year ago. I'm trying to get t rust back but the not having sex make me wonder.
 

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have you guys been to counseling for the affair?did you talk about the affair at all?how long have you been married?is she still in contact with her affair partner?

Sorry dude but it's like pulling teeth to get a full picture of your marriage.No one can help you or give you suggestions unless you post your ENTIRE story.
 

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Scarlet's right - it's tough to give feedback if you don't want to give us a picture of the details.

I'll make a huge leap that could be off-base, but here goes....

If you're the type of person who has trouble revealing your "inner life" - things like your dreams, your fears, your goals, and your feelings - then your wife may feel like she's in the relationship all by herself.

For many women, there's an instinct to nurture, and with a partner that's closed off, a woman will often start the relationship feeling like she makes a difference. In the early days he confided to her and only her in a way that made her feel special. But as routine and occasional disagreements set it, he reverts back to the closed off person he has been with other people, and she sees it. She may try to coax him to open up again, but his fear of feeling vulnerable can get in the way. Eventually, she recognizes that he won't let her back in, and she seeks other ways to meet her needs for affection and recognition.

Sex is not affection. Going out to dinner and getting away from the kids is not affection. Giving in on everything she wants is not what she's looking for, either. She wants a partner, heart and soul.
 

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If you're the type of person who has trouble revealing your "inner life" - things like your dreams, your fears, your goals, and your feelings - then your wife may feel like she's in the relationship all by herself.

For many women, there's an instinct to nurture, and with a partner that's closed off, a woman will often start the relationship feeling like she makes a difference. In the early days he confided to her and only her in a way that made her feel special. But as routine and occasional disagreements set it, he reverts back to the closed off person he has been with other people, and she sees it. She may try to coax him to open up again, but his fear of feeling vulnerable can get in the way. Eventually, she recognizes that he won't let her back in, and she seeks other ways to meet her needs for affection and recognition.

Sex is not affection. Going out to dinner and getting away from the kids is not affection. Giving in on everything she wants is not what she's looking for, either. She wants a partner, heart and soul.
:iagree::iagree:
 

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Kathy you hit the nail on the head. You know what type a man I think most frequently women have the most communication issues with? The strong silent type. These type of men don't like confiding or being open to others emotionally. They are completely uncomfortable with this. But they are very competent and reliable which is attractive. So in the beginning he looks like a great catch because his lack of communication mixed with his ability to take action makes him look confident and trustworthy. The woman could be interpreting his silence as him being a thinker, a great listener, or just someone well prepared for whatever it is she wants to talk about. Also, lot of women love the idea of changing a man. If this type of man opens up to them then relationship seems special and meant to be. In the honeymoon phase of the relationship he will indeed talk more because he will speak from the "getting to know you" standpoint. Once he becomes comfortable with the relationship he will revert to back to his nature of being a poor communicator and then there will be that frustration of the woman wanting more intimate conversation and the guy not understanding why the woman can't see how much he loves her and what the hell she wants to talk about so much:p

Before I never understood why women were attracted to guys that didn't say much and then become frustrated when......he didn't say much:rolleyes: Now I can see it.
 
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