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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have posted quite some back about my wife and my situation, its been going down hill for almost 3 years.

I started having an Affair almost 1 year back and Im emotionally in Love, feel for the person who I am kind off with. I have not felt like that or never had the same feeling I had for my wife. We can make love atleast 3 to 5 times, while with my wife, It has NEVER crossed 1.

The problem is, I am married with 2 kids and she is married with 1 Kid.

Its a very complicated situation, I absolutely Love her and I don't know what to do really.
I have had sex with my wife, but there is no feeling, no passion, its completly dead, its just like giving myself and her a massage. Im sure she also doesnt have feelings, she is only married to me for the kids.
Im 34 years old, and living a sad life with my wife, Im not happy with her at all.
 

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Well, you and your lover are breaking your wife's heart, your lover's husband's heart, the hearts of your two children and the heart of her child.

But, heck! You and your lover are going to be happy and I'll bet that you feel the collateral damage of 5 hearts being broken against the happiness of you and your lover is a worthwhile ratio. 5 to 2?

The problem is that sometimes it is almost as if the lovers feel that they are the only real people and that the other people in the scenario are just cardboard cutouts with no feelings, no rights to be happy, no right to expect fidelity.

Do you trash talk your wife to your lover? Does she trash talk her husband to you?

What do you intend to do to them over the children? Steal them from their other parent? Or just dump your loyal and presumably clueless spouses and your children and run off together into pinknfluffy land?
 

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I have posted quite some back about my wife and my situation, its been going down hill for almost 3 years.

I started having an Affair almost 1 year back and Im emotionally in Love, feel for the person who I am kind off with. I have not felt like that or never had the same feeling I had for my wife. We can make love atleast 3 to 5 times, while with my wife, It has NEVER crossed 1.

The problem is, I am married with 2 kids and she is married with 1 Kid.

Its a very complicated situation, I absolutely Love her and I don't know what to do really.
I have had sex with my wife, but there is no feeling, no passion, its completly dead, its just like giving myself and her a massage. Im sure she also doesnt have feelings, she is only married to me for the kids.
Im 34 years old, and living a sad life with my wife, Im not happy with her at all.
Do you believe that the "emotional" love, such as you now feel with other woman, naturally "fades" or "matures" into another kind of love? Or do you feel that this type of love, the butterflies in the stomach, the excitement and passion at just the thought of seeing her, will last forever?
 

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Gooch78, you are extremely selfish. One of the first things you mentioned was the frequency of the sex with your mistress. Guess what??? There's more to a marriage than sex!!!! There's honesty, loyalty, trust, etc. of which you can provide none of that to your family (and neither can your cheating, lying, mistress to hers). Shame on you for thinking with your crotch and not about your innocent children and faithful wife. Did you even TRY to fix your love life before straying or did you just throw in the towel and figure cheating was the easy way out???

You're clearly not mature enough to be in a marriage, so get out. Go see if your mistress will leave her family for you. If she does, get with her, and we'll see you back here in a year when she cheats on you, making YOU the victim.

You're not going to find any sympathy on this forum because YOU'RE WRONG and everyone here knows it. Go eat your cake and let your family begin to heal and get over you.
 

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You and your AP are both "new and shiny" to each other.

I bet you felt exactly the same about your current wife when you met her and fell in love with her. You've just conveniently re-written your own history to forget.

Of course, there IS the possibility that what you wrote is the "truth", but it's doubtful because you are currently a lying cheater and you are fooling everybody, including yourself.

Tell your wife, have your AP tell her husband and see if everything comes out still looking "shiny and new".

Good luck.
 

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How is your wife's relationship with her lesbian lover going? You mentioned in the other thread her OWH found out, did that end that affair? Or did her lover get a D?

I think you need to come clean with your wife. Decide if open marriage is right for you both or D. I don't see a solution in your circumstance that would lead to R in a normal monogamous relationship.

The continued lying and deceit will cause harm to your kids. Don't keep doing that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
ACOA: U said it, there has been too much lying and deceit going around from both of for too many years. I cant just type 10 years of marriage..
I feel we both are just cheating each other in our marriage. I would never think of divorce just for the kids.
As much I and she try to mend things between us we someway or another get into fights.
Its not Only about sex, we have been married for 10 years with 2 Kids, so its not just sex: we cant communicate with each other, we dont talk at all.. She prefers to talk to her "Best Girl Friend" more than me. For 9 years, i have been talking her complete Domination of our marriage. She always has done what ever she thinks is correct and would take desicions without even consulting. She has lost us over $ 200,000 casue she took the investment without even consulting me.
I know having an Affair in wrong, completely wrong, but I just love her, she hears me, talks, listens, and passionate about me. We have decided to stop seeing each other and try to Fix our marriages and maybe staying apart and stop seeing each other would help.
I cant stop seeing her smile, I dream about her, from time to time we talk on the phone but no more the intimate relationship.
Im not looking for sympathy here, Im just writing how Im feeling and let things out.
Regarding what comes around goes around, I think its coming back to her.. I guess the abuse I got watching her receive Love and Flirty text messages over the years, for her that was not cheating, that was her way of getting more business for the company.. I adore my Kids and also adore this girl I love and also dont want her to ruin her family.
 

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also adore this girl I love and also dont want her to ruin her family.
Such a complete denial. That ship already sailed. The same aplies to your own marriage. Why do you think you feel nothing when you have sex with your wife? Because you are madly in love with another man's wife! Stop trying to project the blame into BW as if the way you percive your wife and your marriage is not related the way you feel about OW! You can't be so dense. It's a no brainer.
 

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ACOA: U said it, there has been too much lying and deceit going around from both of for too many years. I cant just type 10 years of marriage..
I feel we both are just cheating each other in our marriage. I would never think of divorce just for the kids.
So havin a sneaky illicit affair is GOOD for the kids?? hmm
As much I and she try to mend things between us we someway or another get into fights.
That's is what relationships are about - you fight because you care NOT because you don't - your wife cares - you don't.
we cant communicate with each other, we dont talk at all..
tough to talk when you've got this going on behind the scenes.
She always has done what ever she thinks is correct and would take desicions without even consulting. She has lost us over $ 200,000 casue she took the investment without even consulting me.
fog talk.
.
I know having an Affair in wrong, completely wrong, but I just love her
more fog talk...
she hears me, talks, listens, and passionate about me.
yea, your wife did that initially too didnt she? Now you have moved on...here's a question for you, if this person is ssoo wonderful HOW COME SHE IS NOT HOME LISTENING TO HE HUSBAND INSTEAD OF YOU.
We have decided to stop seeing each other and try to Fix our marriages and maybe staying apart and stop seeing each other would help. too late should have thought of that before fooling around on her.

Im not looking for sympathy here
good you wont get any....
 

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You will never recover the love you have for your BW while you are banging the OW.

You do not care about tearing your kids family apart.

If you want to stop being selfish you can find your way back to your WW. Get the books Surviving An Affair, and His Needs Her Needs by Dr Harley.

Then confess to your BW, apologize to your OWH, then work on those books with your BW in the order listed.
 

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Omg! Excuses, excuses! What a coward! What the hecks could this OW possibly see in you?? Your wife apparently doesn't want the marriage either. You both need to talk and mutually file or you need to man-up and file already. If you love Whilomena so much, you need to go knock out her husband, untie her from her marriage train tracks and claim your prized princess. SOS the poor children. Stop fence sitting man.
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If you are in love with another woman, then you have nothing to offer your wife anymore. You have taken everything from her: your dedication, your loyalty, your LOVE.
Confess and set her free to be with someone who will love her and be faithful to her. Don't put her thru the ordeal of staying married to a man in love with another woman. She will be miseable because you will make her miserable with your behaviour. She will be miserable to watch you being miserable.
Divorce and be with the OW since she is the one you love. Your wife shuldn't be just hanging there as a raincoat.
 
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I have posted quite some back about my wife and my situation, its been going down hill for almost 3 years.

I started having an Affair almost 1 year back and Im emotionally in Love, feel for the person who I am kind off with. I have not felt like that or never had the same feeling I had for my wife. We can make love atleast 3 to 5 times, while with my wife, It has NEVER crossed 1.

The problem is, I am married with 2 kids and she is married with 1 Kid.

Its a very complicated situation, I absolutely Love her and I don't know what to do really.
I have had sex with my wife, but there is no feeling, no passion, its completly dead, its just like giving myself and her a massage. Im sure she also doesnt have feelings, she is only married to me for the kids.
Im 34 years old, and living a sad life with my wife, Im not happy with her at all.
While I in no way condone cheating on your wife, I am going to take a different approach here:

Why do you think she is only married to you for the kids?

The reason I ask ... I know a woman who has a very troubled past. She has 4 children and an ex-husband (children's father) who is in jail (constantly in and out because of drugs). She barely makes minimum wage. She has a boyfriend who at 38 doesn't have a job or career but helps her with the kids. She plans to marry him, not because she loves him but because she thinks she has no other options. She would rather not be involved with anyone while she straightens out her life but raising her children by herself (in the ghetto) seems so impossible to her that she'll endure marrying this guy. I thought wow, that sure is a recipe for a happy marriage, sic.

Not saying your wife is similar to this woman but why is she married to you?

Others here are making the assumption that the two of you married for all the right reasons but that isn't always true. In this woman's case, she doesn't care about love, dedication, etc. with THIS man ... she is only looking for some semblance of stability in her life.
 

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I would never think of divorce just for the kids.
Let me give you my opinion on this statement as nice as I can. That's a load of crap and you know it. Its more about losing material stuff. If you wife invested and lost 200 grand without missing a lick, ya'll probably got more stuff than most folks. I suspect you don't want to downsize your lifestyle.
If you don't love the other chick enough to give that up. You don't love her. She's just a piece on the side.
 
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