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I have a boyfriend who seems to have many different ways of showing his emotion. For instance: He gets upset when I want to do anything to benefit myself, like work out, or clean the house or something that does not directly involve him, if he wants me to lay in bed all day, this is what I am to do because this is what makes him happy, if i refuse or say i have things to do, then i am accused of not loving him. He wants me home for lunch, which in turn causes me to take a long lunch which i have to make up the hours at the end of the day, so i always leave a half hour later than scehduled time and then am asked why im late and once again accused of not loving him. But then at the same time, he drinks alot, i would say at least 5 shots a day if there is a bottle in the house and he will get angry at little things and be very dismissive to me and just plain rude. He is retired vet and suffers from ptsd as well. He smokes and says he is trying to quit also. I have a dog who he calls names all the time, says he is a retard and stupid and worthless animal, he leaves him outside for hours on end, leaves him in the garage, does not allow my dog to show affection to me when i get home, does not allow him to be in the family living quarters and interact with us at all, he must obey at all times, not pace around the house, and basically stay on his bed in the corner and not make a sound unless provoked to do so. He hits him in the face and yells at him all the time. I have a huge problem with this and this is what has caused the last argument. I asked him to stop treating my dog this way and tried to explain he is a family animal and just wants to be given positive attention. This made him drink an excessive amount and when I got home, he was stumbling and and mumbling harsh things under his breath and slamming doors in my face. He ultimately told me to understand his point of view or kick him out of the house. I told him i would not kick him out, and he decided to turn on a movie and blast the sound at midnight, i have a 1 year old sleeping and i need to get up in 5 hours, i asked him to turn it down to no avail, i ended up over reacting and taking the controllers and anything that would let the TV work. He of course followed me and would not leave the bedroom where i was trying to sleep and turned back on the TV. I gave up and went to make a bed in my car until he passed out so i could return for peaceful sleeping arrangements. This was two days ago and I have been given the silent treatment ever since. When he is in a good mood, he sings to me, cleans the house, cooks dinner and doesnt want me to lift a finger, will cuddle and watch movies together, but the dog seesm to ruin the moods. I dont understand why he is exhibiting this passive agreesive behavior and almost sounds like he has independant personality disorder due to the fact that he never wants me to leave and cater to him and only him like i have nothing else to be alive for, that i hear multiple times a day "baby... why dont you love me" to get what he wants.. he uses manipulation and guilt to control me. I just got out of a 13 year marriage where my husband cheated on my whilst i was pregnant, that took a toll on me and i am still dealing with thise feelings. So i have some trust issues and this new guy seems to be testing non stop. He has had a chick come over to my house while im at work, lied to me about it and i caught him in this lie red handed, then he was looking at porn behind my back and lying about that, then he was having conversations with his ex girl and telling her that he doesnt want to lose her for good and he still loves her. This hurt me, but guess what, it ended up in HIM giving me the silent treatment for not beleiveing that he truly loves me! Go figure.... i know this is long, but i figure details help when trying to evaluate a situation. I just want to know how to kick this silent crap, and help myself not feel so depressed and lonely when he treats me like this, and if possible, how to get him to treat my dog better. Thanks!!
 

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Glad to hear you are having a hard time understanding his behavior. There's hope for you. Get this man out of your life and never look back. A man who treats a defenseless animal this way wouldn't be allowed to stay in my house. If he treats the animal this way, it makes me wonder just how he treats your child when you aren't around.
 

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I have a boyfriend who seems to have many different ways of showing his emotion. For instance: He gets upset when I want to do anything to benefit myself, like work out, or clean the house or something that does not directly involve him, if he wants me to lay in bed all day, this is what I am to do because this is what makes him happy, if i refuse or say i have things to do, then i am accused of not loving him. He wants me home for lunch, which in turn causes me to take a long lunch which i have to make up the hours at the end of the day, so i always leave a half hour later than scehduled time and then am asked why im late and once again accused of not loving him. But then at the same time, he drinks alot, i would say at least 5 shots a day if there is a bottle in the house and he will get angry at little things and be very dismissive to me and just plain rude. He is retired vet and suffers from ptsd as well. He smokes and says he is trying to quit also. I have a dog who he calls names all the time, says he is a retard and stupid and worthless animal, he leaves him outside for hours on end, leaves him in the garage, does not allow my dog to show affection to me when i get home, does not allow him to be in the family living quarters and interact with us at all, he must obey at all times, not pace around the house, and basically stay on his bed in the corner and not make a sound unless provoked to do so. He hits him in the face and yells at him all the time. I have a huge problem with this and this is what has caused the last argument. I asked him to stop treating my dog this way and tried to explain he is a family animal and just wants to be given positive attention. This made him drink an excessive amount and when I got home, he was stumbling and and mumbling harsh things under his breath and slamming doors in my face. He ultimately told me to understand his point of view or kick him out of the house. I told him i would not kick him out, and he decided to turn on a movie and blast the sound at midnight, i have a 1 year old sleeping and i need to get up in 5 hours, i asked him to turn it down to no avail, i ended up over reacting and taking the controllers and anything that would let the TV work. He of course followed me and would not leave the bedroom where i was trying to sleep and turned back on the TV. I gave up and went to make a bed in my car until he passed out so i could return for peaceful sleeping arrangements. This was two days ago and I have been given the silent treatment ever since. When he is in a good mood, he sings to me, cleans the house, cooks dinner and doesnt want me to lift a finger, will cuddle and watch movies together, but the dog seesm to ruin the moods. I dont understand why he is exhibiting this passive agreesive behavior and almost sounds like he has independant personality disorder due to the fact that he never wants me to leave and cater to him and only him like i have nothing else to be alive for, that i hear multiple times a day "baby... why dont you love me" to get what he wants.. he uses manipulation and guilt to control me. I just got out of a 13 year marriage where my husband cheated on my whilst i was pregnant, that took a toll on me and i am still dealing with thise feelings. So i have some trust issues and this new guy seems to be testing non stop. He has had a chick come over to my house while im at work, lied to me about it and i caught him in this lie red handed, then he was looking at porn behind my back and lying about that, then he was having conversations with his ex girl and telling her that he doesnt want to lose her for good and he still loves her. This hurt me, but guess what, it ended up in HIM giving me the silent treatment for not beleiveing that he truly loves me! Go figure.... i know this is long, but i figure details help when trying to evaluate a situation. I just want to know how to kick this silent crap, and help myself not feel so depressed and lonely when he treats me like this, and if possible, how to get him to treat my dog better. Thanks!!

This first bolded sentence was enough for me to tell you to get out. This relationship is not healthly for you, your child, or your dog. Your boyfriend needs serious help and nothing will change until he realizes it. You have no ties to him ((unless I missed something here) and you will remain depressed and lonely as long as you are with him.

Anytime someone,anyone, tries to stop you from doing things that
benefit you for the better, Walk away, they mean you no good. Misery loves company
 

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This is not love on his part. What he loves comes in a glass bottle. He's not capable of loving with all the issues you've shown that he has.

I know you care about him, though for the life of me I can't figure out why. That clingy desperation might make you feel worthy sometimes, but you deserve to feel good about yourself as your "normal" state of mind.
 

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Please leave him. This is an abusive relationship. It won't stop unless you leave.

AND please also get your poor defenseless dog away from him TODAY...YOU have the power to leave if you really want to.. your poor dog doesn't.

Very sad situation.
 

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Please, please, PLEASE get this man out of your life. He is abusing a poor, defenseless animal. He's a drunk. He's clinging to you like a fungus.

WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS MAN????

I'm not interested in knowing more about his characteristics. I'm interested in knowing why you are (1) putting up with this insanity, and (2) not focusing on YOURSELF.

If anyone so much as laid a finger on any of my pets, they wouldn't have that finger for more than a nano-second.

P.S. - You do not have the power or ability to make anyone treat you or your dog better. You do not have any control whatsoever over how big an a$$hole someone wants to be. The only power you have in this disgusting situation is over yourself.

And it's beyond my comprehension why you would stay with this clown.:scratchhead:
 
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Sounds severely depressed, with a boatload of other emotional issues, if he is unwilling to get help professionally it's probably time to go.
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I'm so sorry for your situation, I'll try to be to the point, here goes:

- I would try to be fair and really consider where he comes from, because that will help understand why he acts the way he acts. Ok, sympathy stuff out of the way, here's the hard truth...
- The way he does blame-shifting on you, the lies, the cruel behaviors toward the pet, the neediness and borderline psychopath (demanded your time, then turned on you, he either has a brain of a 3 year old or none at all), the excessive drinking...Please move on, you don't deserve all that. You are being heavily abused.
- The relationship is still new, you won't have much to be sad about, I know, I know, we tend to do stupid things, like, hanging on to very dysfuntional relationship, I'm guilty of that too, but I am moving on right now. I hope you love yourself enough and are strong enough to move on.
- Your trust issue: welcome to the club, girlfriend.
 

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I would suggest you do your utmost to be absolutely certain what you're saying is true about his behavior - that you honestly question your assumptions. If you do that, and find yourself confirming his attitudes and behavior, then he doesn't need a wife or dog, he needs serious help, and in the meantime, for your safety and health, you need to have him nowhere that's anywhere around you.

I'd also very strongly suggest you, too, get some help, to understand why you choose men who are emotionally abusive and manipulative. There's been a semi load of books written by, about, for, and because of relationships like the one you're in, and one of the most heartbreaking things, is that many people leave one of these, immediately find another just like it, and go through it again.

Please take care of yourself... And your child, by not allowing exposure to this.
 
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