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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know a lovely older couple through a volunteer program. The wife confided in me that she has considered divorce or separation on and off over the years, but is on the fence because it seems so overwhelming and complicated. She’s concerned that because they’re no longer able to work, she’s not sure how they’ll be able to afford to live separately or pay for long term care if either of them needed it. She also said she feels an obligation to take care of him and the house, the cooking, the laundry etc.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom from their experience? Resources that you wish you found while you were still deciding? Thank you.
 

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That sounds horrible. At that point, the cost / benefit hardly seems worth it. Starting over in your 70s or 80s? Maybe better to just create semi-separate lives at that point, rather than divorce and start over. It would probably be unduly devastating for both.
 

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Assuming they have been married a long time and are still together the marriage can't be that bad. To disrupt your whole lives when you are both elderly seems rather foolish unless there was serious abuse or similar.
 

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I worked with a lovely lady years ago who was 70, she was very unhappy and her husband did seem awful, he would come to see her every day. She was very wealthy, didn’t need to work for money, just to get away from her life. I feel terrible looking back, I was younger and didn’t understand her misery. I left and years later she became ill and passed away within a month of her cancer diagnosis.

She was much loved in our community, and the worst of it was how her husband took over at the funeral, suddenly devastated. (He really didn’t care much for her or even notice her while she was around) and declared his love all over social media for his now deceased wife. I see him here and there, still grumpy and unkempt now.

I don’t know what to advise really, and if it’s helpful at all, I know I often think of her and whether she wasted her life staying, her end was very quick 🤷🏻‍♀️
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Assuming they have been married a long time and are still together the marriage can't be that bad. To disrupt your whole lives when you are both elderly seems rather foolish unless there was serious abuse or similar.
Did you separate or divorce as a senior?
 

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It reminds me of an old joke...

An elderly couple who have been married for 75 years goes to a divorce lawyer and ask him to file for divorce for the both of them...the lawyer is stun that now that they are in their 90s they want to get divorce....but he agrees to do it ...so as he started writing the paperwork he stopped and looked at them.

“Listen I have to ask after all these years together why now ?”

They looked at each other...and the wife spoke up” we wanted to wait until the children died so as not to upset them”
 
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