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Hi, I am noticing that a lot of married men seem to put up with anything from their wives as they get older, I am seeing that whatever the husband does, eg house work, pushes himself at work, goes to the gym , buys her expensive gifts etc, the wife is still moaning because of some petty thing or other.

Maybe because Women are getting stronger in society in general.
It also seems that this attitude is passing down to daughters who follow suit and complain until they get what they want, and creating a culture of women expecting too much from men.

It seems to me that men have very little real power in marriages today, that women can easily rule the roost and gain most out of the deal,
but men are trapped , faced with of the consequences of divorce, losing assets that they worked for, family home, that they continue in unhappy relationships pretending that things are alright.
 

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I think gender roles are becoming fuzzy and there is more equality between men and women in society. I think that is a good thing.

To the extent that any divorce laws are still gender biased towards women, I think that should be changed. I don't have any idea how common that is.

Ideally I'd like to see symmetry in divorce laws, and equal *opportunity* in society. Equal opportunity doesn't mean that I think people *should* take those opportunities, just that they are available if wanted.
 

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Generally, at least in my relationship, it?s the man who asked the woman for her phone number, the man called her first, the man asked her out on their first date, the man picked her up, the man paid for her, the man asked for a second date, the man went in for the first kiss, the man went for the first time they held hands, the man made the moves that led to first time they had sex, the man is the one who asked her to be his girlfriend, the man is the one who asked her to be his wife.
The man holds the keys to the relationship, the man in most cases created it. If the woman is not to the mans liking he ought to have the balls to end it, he had the balls after all to begin it.
It seems that many men fall in love and end up losing their minds and let the woman lead them.
I think men today are wussified. Man up guys, when things are getting out of hand say something, get angry, be the head of the household, be the man of the house and lead. If she won?t follow then leave her behind.
 

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My sampling says otherwise.

Certainly my own example is so extreme it is embarrassing to some women to be around us because my wife treats me as a Lord and Master.

But still, even amongst the more normal relationship we know the men certainly seem to be more in control. They control the money, what to watch on TV, what movies to go to, what to eat for dinner, etc, etc, etc. We don't know anyone like some of the guys we read about here.

Two of my wife's male relatives do seem to get little sex from their wives, but they seem to think it is supposed to be that way due to their religions. Very odd if you ask me, but not all religions are the same.
 

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First of all if your marriage is about power you don't have a very good marriage. Not that my marriage is the greatest ever, but when it comes to the day to day stuff I think we are pretty good. My wife an I are a team. We cover for each other, we pretty much share the work around the house and the income evenly more or less. To me this is modern marriage, which makes sense in the context of where we are in society.

In your example the men who get abused or pushed around for long periods of time do so because they allow it to happen. I suspect this is not a dynamic that suddenly changed. More likely this type of person has always been afraid of confrontation and unassertive. This is precisely why they are in a marriage that has such a dynamic. The wife picked him for that very reason. All the brow beat men I know are in that situation because they like it, they don't want to make decisions it's easier to let their wives do it. Frankly I don't blame the women I blame the men. Not that I would want to marry those women or that I don't think they aren't awful. All abuse sucks.

Do assertive men get cheated on or even occasionally disrespected? Yes. Do they allow continued disrespect? Nope.

By the way one byproduct of what I called modern marriage above is that if you both bring in basically the same amount of income the distribution of income in a separation is more equitable. I think most men and women would be wise to remember this. For instance I would never be cool with a stay at home wife once my kids are in school. I don't have kids so if my wife didn't want to work I would say how are you going to pay for the food you eat? I'm not paying. (now obviously I would not say that but I would not be cool with it and it wouldn't stay that way.) We are a team working together towards a goal. Both of us working, assuming both are healthy. I never thought that was fair.

However same goes for me, if you are talking about the old 20th century gender roles, my wife works HARD, it's not fair for her to also do all the housework. I have always tried to do my fair share. This weekend she went out to lunch with her mom. I did the laundry and cleaned up a little, she didn't ask, I just did it. It's my house too. She is not my maid. Does that mean my wife rules the roost? Am I whipped? I bet if you saw us together you wouldn't think so. Anyway that's what we do we cover for each other.

That is the whole thing, we are partners. The family home is OUR home, we both have worked for it, she has as much invested in it as me. Which means she has just as much stake in not screwing up and losing it. Our assets are our assets, her income contributed just as much to them as mind did, so if by some chance we didn't make it I can't say I would feel cheated if she took half. I guess if you are looking for a 50's type of marriage where the wife stays at home, gets the paper and all that then yes you're screwed.

Speaking of being screwed, when I read these stories of wives going out for ladies night at a bar, or even more astonishing a week long vacation I am blown away. That just wouldn't happen in our relationship. Both of us would not be cool with that. Then there is the issue I see a lot with these guys, they seem to infantilize there wives and women in general. Which really kind of fits into this 50s idea of women. I feel bad for the men because they have no idea. It's a kind of sexist idea of women that leaves them vulnerable. The women who pick them, see this and they take advantage of it. Their wives are basically ****ty flirts and they guy assumes she just doesn't know any better.

Anyway again I don't know all the answers but I have always thought marriage is basically 75% of it is who you pick, and 25% character.
 

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Hi, I am noticing that a lot of married men seem to put up with anything from their wives as they get older, I am seeing that whatever the husband does, eg house work, pushes himself at work, goes to the gym , buys her expensive gifts etc, the wife is still moaning because of some petty thing or other.
They may not have the balls to stand up to their wives so the continue to accept the ****ty behavior.

Maybe because Women are getting stronger in society in general.
It also seems that this attitude is passing down to daughters who follow suit and complain until they get what they want, and creating a culture of women expecting too much from men.
Women are clearly stronger now than they were when they did not work. What does this mean? Men have to be stronger to make sure they are not being lead buy a woman. This has nothing to do with men being better than women or being some type of tyrant. This has to do with balance thats necessary in a relationship if its going to work. If the woman is providing the masculine energy in the relationship (leadership, decisiveness, vision, assertiveness, strength) she will provide less of the feminine energy (delicate, caring, nurturing). This leaves the boy to provide more of the feminine energy in the relationship to maintain balance. Or a man can correct this dynamic by being a strong man and providing the masculine energy in the relationship to allow the woman to see that it is ok to just be feminine. In order for a relationship to work there has to be this balance. Relationships will fail with two masculine people or two feminine people. I suspect this is why even in successful gay relationships there is always clearly one more masculine and one more feminine partner. I think a feminine woman can become more masculine out of necessity if she is in a relationship with a boy rather than a man. This forces her to have to take on the roles she is not comfortable taking on (the masculine ones) out of necessity.

This is just my theory and you can take it or leave it.

It seems to me that men have very little real power in marriages today, that women can easily rule the roost and gain most out of the deal, but men are trapped , faced with of the consequences of divorce, losing assets that they worked for, family home, that they continue in unhappy relationships pretending that things are alright.
A strong man is never trapped. He is confident and knows he has many options to find his own happiness. He is responsible for his own happiness, he never puts that responsibility in another persons hands. He does not allow the fear of financial loss keep him in a relationship where his needs are not met. He is not scared of the change if it means being happy, a better man, and a better father. Its only when the loss of the relationship is not in the realm of possibility that the boy mans settles for being unhappy. He may put the woman on a pedestal. He may say he is doing it for the kids when they would be better suited seeing a health relationship. He may be scared of the financial loss. He is letting his fear run the show and make him into a submissive boy rather than a strong man. A strong man still gets scared but its what he does with that fear that separates him from the boys. If they are "trapped" is because they allowed themselves to be.
 

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Men have no power in marriage and it's why women file for divorce 80% of the time. It's also why men just aren't getting married anymore. They'll still love women, we're genetically wired to want to protect, care for, and love women. But traditional marriage is a bum deal for men and men are definitely starting to realize it. Marriage is significantly down in the past 20 years and men aren't putting a ring on the finger of a woman with baby fever who wouldn't give them the time of day 5 years ago. This is the tinder generation, and I think it has really exposed a lot of things about women that makes the vast majority a bad bet in marriage.
 

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Women do not have the power.
Women do not take the power.

Unless you give it up.

To take it back:

You must endure the bruises, the bruised egos.
You must endure the shouts.
You must endure the chest thumps. Those hard fingered, painted nail, chest thumps.

The flying, leaping chest bumps as she slams hers into yours. Demanding you accede.
Accede to her demands.

Here's the thing:
Never marry a mean women who is bigger and stronger than you.

Oh, when both of you get really old and bent over.
Hide her false teeth at night....so she cannot bite you, come morning.
 

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Hi, I am noticing that a lot of married men seem to put up with anything from their wives as they get older, I am seeing that whatever the husband does, eg house work, pushes himself at work, goes to the gym , buys her expensive gifts etc, the wife is still moaning because of some petty thing or other.

Maybe because Women are getting stronger in society in general.
It also seems that this attitude is passing down to daughters who follow suit and complain until they get what they want, and creating a culture of women expecting too much from men.

It seems to me that men have very little real power in marriages today, that women can easily rule the roost and gain most out of the deal,
but men are trapped , faced with of the consequences of divorce, losing assets that they worked for, family home, that they continue in unhappy relationships pretending that things are alright.
You have not been to my home.

Concerning consequences of divorce....that crap has gone on for decades.
 
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I hope this doesn't come across as harsh. But when I read posts like the one by the OP, I kind of feel like it comes from a place of irrational fear. I am no feminist, but it sure seems to me like some men do want to go back to the days of women not working, or only taking certain jobs. I don't understand it. I don't want my wife under my control, I want her to actually want to be with me. A relationship isn't about control. I also don't think there is any correlation between a woman being financially equal and how she treats her husband. Do men get mistreated by their wives? Of course they do, but its up to that man to do something about it.
 

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Men for the last 50 years have been CONDITIONED by education system/society/progressivism to become far less "aggressive" and far more "submissive".

Strength, masculinity, leadership, dominance, are now "dirty words" in the 21st century. Men have been BRAINWASHED to be straight up pansies, bottom-line.

The HILARIOUS irony of this is the now "rare" breed of man is still scooping up all the women while the "nice guys" are scratching their heads wondering what's wrong.

In their minds, they are doing EVERYTHING the women have trained them to do since birth but the only date they got on a Friday night is with their right hand.

Men have not only lost power in their marriages. It's FAR more pervasive than that. It's with all women and I've seen it only get far worse in my lifetime as time goes on.
 

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Men for the last 50 years have been CONDITIONED by education system/society/progressivism to become far less "aggressive" and far more "submissive".

Strength, masculinity, leadership, dominance, are now "dirty words" in the 21st century. Men have been BRAINWASHED to be straight up pansies, bottom-line.

The HILARIOUS irony of this is the now "rare" breed of man is still scooping up all the women while the "nice guys" are scratching their heads wondering what's wrong.

In their minds, they are doing EVERYTHING the women have trained them to do since birth but the only date they got on a Friday night is with their right hand.

Men have not only lost power in their marriages. It's FAR more pervasive than that. It's with all women and I've seen it only get far worse in my lifetime as time goes on.
Men's testosterone levels have dropped to a ridiculous low in the west too. There was a funny article going around where one of these millennial type sites did a Testosterone test of 4 male employees, all millennials and just picture your basic 115 lb millennial grinning hipster. They all literally had the T levels of an 80 year old man.
 

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Men's testosterone levels have dropped to a ridiculous low in the west too. There was a funny article going around where one of these millennial type sites did a Testosterone test of 4 male employees, all millennials and just picture your basic 115 lb millennial grinning hipster. They all literally had the T levels of an 80 year old man.
I wonder how much of this is porn. So think about it 50 years ago it was a lot different, young men didn't have the sexual outlet that they do today. That is not a judgement are right or wrong, I am just saying, porn and women' sexuality is freely available. 50 years ago you were lucky if you saw a naked women. Now there are hundreds of thousands available at the touch of a button. Not the same it's true but you still involves testosterone if you get what I am saying.
 
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Men's testosterone levels have dropped to a ridiculous low in the west too. There was a funny article going around where one of these millennial type sites did a Testosterone test of 4 male employees, all millennials and just picture your basic 115 lb millennial grinning hipster. They all literally had the T levels of an 80 year old man.
These men still serve a purpose... Someone has to babysit the kids while wifey goes to Chad's truck to get her weekly vag pounding.

There is a silver lining. If hipster doofus plays his cards right, maybe he'll get his semi annual starfish sex he was promised last quarter.
 

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I'm reminded of a great sci-fi book I read as a teen.

In "Sex and the High Command," by John Boyd (published, 1970), women discover a pill (dubbed the v-bomb) that gives the best orgasms ever with no worry, no fuss, no need to placate a man, etc. They also develop the ability to reproduce without a man. Men become totally superfluous; worse, really, just an annoyance.

The best the men can counter with is to find a superstud so irresistible, that women might prefer him to the v-bomb. Dubbed "Lothario X," the ultimate male unicorn is found and men rush to find a way to replicate his charms. But it is too little, too late.

Ultimately, the male military must resort to "nuke the broads!" But the military commander is seduced by his wife into believing she loves him and actually prefers him to the v-bomb and while he hesitates to give the order, the women move in and take total control, ultimately doing away with men forever.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5996054-sex-and-the-high-command

Ignore the crappy reviews. They missed the point of the book as I explain below:

Like so many cold-war novels that tapped into fears of the red threat, this book effectively taps in to the bottom line male fear of not being needed. The female gaining of power is analogous to women working and ultimately gaining economic parity with men. In the past, the man had the money and the woman had the vagina, so partnerships were forged; asymmetrical, but still with some semblance of shared power. Today, as women forge their own economic path, many men fear the loss of financial leverage and lack the confidence that they can be an essential half of a partnership without it. Women still have what men want, and they can get what they need on their own. How will men respond? I think it may be fascinating to watch the next couple decades in our social evolution.
 

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These men still serve a purpose... Someone has to babysit the kids while wifey goes to Chad's truck to get her weekly vag pounding.

There is a silver lining. If hipster doofus plays his cards right, maybe he'll get his semi annual starfish sex he was promised last quarter.
These are the guys on the relationships subreddit, that are honestly considering letting their wives get pregnant by another man. One cringe worthy story had a guy upset because his wife asked if they could use a sperm donor because he's short. Another one the couple was trying to get pregnant but turns out the husband was sterile. So the wife wanted his good looking friend to get her pregnant, she didn't want to do it in a doctors office and pay the money when it's free if they just banged. Both of these guys while hurt were considering it, I can't imagine it, but this is where men are today apparently.
 
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