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"Honey, we agreed to no tattoos 30 years ago even though I would have like one. I can't tell you what to do. You can make your own choice. But I can tell you that if you go through with the tattoo, my next stop will be at my own artist to get work done too."

No argument, just plain stating of facts. And stop giving her total veto power over your choices!
 

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It sounds like to me, since I'm cynical, is that she wanted a tattoo from a specific artist and you're getting the tattoo with her prevents her from seeing that artist personally. It sounds like she's at risk of an affair, if she already hasn't stepped out on you.

Just tell her that you agree that tattoos should be meaningful. You'll get one that has meaning to you and she can have one that is meaningful to her.
The first thing to do is just go get a tattoo, what u want, where you want. Stop making it a discussion. Just come home with a tatto. Today. Put a halt to the drama
 

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Call her bluff. Tell her you won't have a wife with a tattoo. If she goes through with it, you'll file for divorce. Better to find out now than later.
 

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It's possible you're focusing on the wrong tree in the forest.

I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but consider this scenario :
The thought that came to my mind is in the past she’s threatened to part ways as soon as the kids are out of high school. Like maybe she doesn’t want permanent his/her tattoos. I would be wondering if she was planning an exit in a couple years. She also blew a head gasket after I shaved my head a few years back saying she’d be embarrassed to be around me. She’s weird that way.
She wants to keep ownership of you and the image you project while she's still with you.

Your tattoo does not match her narrative, and never has. Especially a tattoo that communicates a strong connection to HER.
I’m irritated by the fact that I thought “okay we’re on the same page,” then okay I’m getting one but it’s not okay for you and I really don’t care what you think. That’s my problem. If it goes away as a midlife thing and nothing transpires I’m good with that. I thought we were on the same frequency. Where’s our unity on a subject? It’s okay for me but not you. I’d rather her stick to our original mutual plan when she denied me almost 30 years ago.
But you're NOT on the same page.

Read what you wrote in the first quote.

You could be on different chapters at best, or reading different books re what you each see as 'your' relationship.

Forget the tattoo thing, it's a distraction in YOUR version of your relationship. Find out if she's already got plans to leave you in a few years. If she does, it's been over for her for a while, and she just doesn't want to be embarrassed being seen with you until she exits.

"No shaved head, no tattoos for the kept provider I'm putting up with until I'm outa here, it's an annoyance and embarrassing to me and doesn't fit into my plan."

Meanwhile, you're concerned about the tattoo... You and your W are reading two different books.

If that's what you discover, then do everyone involved a favor and leave her before she packs it up. You can then shave your head and get 3 tattoos, because you'll own yourself again.

Find out the truth behind her demands for obedience.
 

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I’ve had an idea for more than 30 years that means a lot to me. The artist she picked out for her is a female who did the first one for her sister.
Although both of you have a right to express an opinion about getting something like a tattoo neither has the right to deny the other one permission. It would be great if you came to agreement, but if she is going to take such a hard line and be hypocritical about it you should just go and get it done. You've had a meaningful design in mind for a long time, so that addresses her concern on that front. Then just make sure you keep it work safe to comply with whatever rules you have to follow.
 

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A tattoo on a 48-year-old woman is a very bad idea. Tattoos are not sexy at that age but masculine. Tell her to take a 90 day grace period to think it thru. Better yet, go on amazon and purchase the tattoo stickers. Cost - about 15 bucks. They are very much like the real thing. Look really good but wash off in a week.

When she has an urge for a tat, slap on a decal. Plus with the decals, you are not stuck with the same tat which people get bored of. W/ these decals you can get the feel for what it's like. The urge for the real thing will probably die out over time.
She's on the tat kick. Don't do it. You shouldn't get one either.

I heard someone say the new tat is not having a tat. Many many women get the stupidest things plastered on their bodies. It's almost comical.
I disagree. My wife got her first tattoo at 50. She now has three and they are all vey dainty and feminine. I find them quite sexy. She got her latest one just the other day when I was getting a new tattoo. While I was laying on the table she worked with one of the other artists and got one of her own.
 

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What I don't understand is why do you let your wife boss you around?

I don't have any tattoos and I don't really like them on myself, but my husband has one and I don't really care if he wanted another one. His body, his choice.

Even if your company has a no tattoo policy, there are places in your body where you can get one and be able to cover up. No one at work knows my husband has a tattoo.

Reading your post is very frustrating to me. It's not about the tattoo, really. It's about how you let your wife's non-sense rule your life and your decisions. She's about to do whatever she wants without caring about you and your opinions. And when it's your turn to do stuff for yourself, she has a fit and don't let you do it.

Is she your mom or your wife?

I hope you stand up for yourself and stop her BS.
 

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If your job seriously has a policy on tattoos then you are certainly going to have to get one in a place that no one will ever see it except your wife. She's being awfully condescending to you acting like you couldn't possibly choose a meaningful tattoo. But really what's the point of having one if no one's going to see it and if your job forbids them, then I would imagine they're having a hell of a time hiring younger folks under the age of 50.
Sounds like being a prison guard at a TDCJ unit.
 

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I couldn't get a tat. I would see it as a waste of money that i could spend on new pistol or a new AR15 or Rossi 92 45Colt or Crossbow....well you get my drift.

My mom once said i did not need another gun. I told her i will stop buying guns when they equal the value of all her jewlry.

That pissed her off .....😂
 

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I read one marriage counselor that described the ideal male as a velvet covered brick. As hard as stone to the outside world, but somebody whom a woman was confident that she could hug when she wanted to.

In its proper context, there is nothing wrong with romance and chivalry. However, the real meanings of those have been twisted by those wanting a matriarchal world.
Sorry mistook what you wrote, thought it was ‘ a velvet covered prick’. 😂
 

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The issue in your marriage is the scales of power are tipped in her favor... she can decide one thing and she is correct, and then she can change her mind and she is still correct. This means you can't trust her initial judgement, because she is always correct even if it changes.

Tell her you've decided that you are also always correct, even if you change your decision later.

I'd forget the tattoo.... go get a pilot's license. Do something bigger and bolder that she is excluded from the decision / permission process. If she tries to control it, tell her "this is my tattoo".
 

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The fact that she feels so entitled to behave this way towards you says ALOT about your marriage and relationship, and her as a person.

And that you have allowed it is a complete mystery to me.
It remains a mystery to me as well. I still haven't read a single word by the OP to explain why he's with this controlling woman.

Guess he's just here to vent. Which is fine by me.
 

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Don't discuss it any more. Pick your design and when she has had her tattoo done, go get yours done, no discussion. You do not need to respect a hypocrite, you do not need her permission.

Once that little situation is over you can get back to the fact that she has threatened to leave you when the kids are grown up and that seems to have just been allowed to happen...
 

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Me and my wife have been married nearly 30 years. I am 51 years old and she is 48. Early in the marriage I told her I wanted to get a tattoo and immediately got a “no” because she doesn’t believe in them and that it’s against God per the Bible. So I respected her wishes and never got one. She doesn’t have any either. We’ll fast forward to present day 2021. My wife’s sisters recently got tattoos as did one of her friends. Out of the blue she told me that she wants to get a tattoo and have had a meaningful design that she’s had for a long time in case she changed her views. She even said she wants it on her right wrist. I’m like “What happened to you being against them?” She stated that she’s changed her views and realized they are not bad or trashy. I suggested both of us get a couple tattoo together. It would be our first. I sensed reluctance when she agreed. We contacted an artist after finding a design. She would repeatedly remind me my job has a tattoo policy and wearing long sleeve’s or bandages in Texas heat would get old. Well when the subject would always change when I bring it up, she sat me down and told me only wants one tattoo and only the design she picked out and she’s been planning this for a long time and it was going to be a sister thing because her sister wants a second. I told her well then I’ll get one for me and her reply was get this, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” She tried to explain tattoos have to be meaningful, not everyone should have one and I won’t look right with a tattoo because of my personality. She said it would be like our pastor or a sweet grandfather getting one which wouldn’t be right. This double standard angers me and I need suggestions soon. She plans to get one very soon as a Christmas gift to herself.
(1) I hope this isn't the same Tattoo "artist" mentioned in another thread by a poster whose WW ran off with a married Tattoo "artist" until the AP's wife reminded him that she paid for his health insurance. He also had the WW sister and mom going to him. Whether than for more than body art, who knows?

(2) Your wife seems to think she gets to tell you what you can and cant do, and you have no say in what she does.

(3) Ask her if she is ok with you going with her as chaperone for the tattoo session. If the answer is NO, then IMO you need to give her a hard no on the tattoo thing because that would sure sound like there is more going on than advertised. And if SHE gets a tattoo, YOU will get tattoo at the same time. You should be able to tell if body ART is the only body thing on the agenda by interaction between the "artist" and your wife.

(4) Vet the parlor and "artist" to be sure it isn't just some random ex-con who got out of the slammer last month, and that they are certified by the health department. Parlors can give a person more than just some ink.

(5) Your wife is likely approaching time when lot of things can change. Her earlier saying she planned leaving when kids left is not a good sign. Maybe that time has arrived and she just hasn't bothered to tell you.

Just because the “artist” is a female means little even if true. Maybe the “artist” has husband or BF looking for FMF arrangement. Or maybe someone has become interested in joining the other team.
 

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Sounds like she has an idea in her head of who you should, how you should look, etc. But, if you get a tattoo, you’ll instantly turn into the kind of guy who gets a tattoo. I say get what you want and enjoy!!!
 

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I won’t look right with a tattoo because of my personality. She said it would be like our pastor or a sweet grandfather getting one which wouldn’t be right.
She also blew a head gasket after I shaved my head a few years back
This caught my attention. It's not unusual to run into men who act like this. Like their wife is some sainted virgin Who never has an interesting thought. The Madonna / ***** complex it's called. This is the first time I have seen that flipped on a man, husband, father. You fill those roles in her life so you can't possibly be the kind of sexy interesting man who shaves his head or has a tattoo.
It's weird seeing her thinking, but I can't think of any way to fix it. Perhaps you need to do some more interesting things.

In the end of your tale I absolutely think that this is a poor reason to have a tattoo. I don't get it, and I don't celebrate arthritis.
her sister has like a grasshopper looking thing representing rheumatoid arthritis.
 
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