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Men have been trained to behave like this thinking it's the right thing to do. Avoid conflict ect....

The damage done by Chivalry and Romantic Courtly Love is impossible to express in words or quantify statistically. The only way out is education.. Most guys haven't ever questioned their beliefs.

Read the Manipulated Man by ester vilar. You can download it online.
Nothing wrong with Chivalry and Romantic Courtly Love when it's appreciated. Don't call being a doormat being Chivalry or Romantic.
 

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Nothing wrong with Chivalry and Romantic Courtly Love when it's appreciated. Don't call being a doormat being Chivalry or Romantic.
I read one marriage counselor that described the ideal male as a velvet covered brick. As hard as stone to the outside world, but somebody whom a woman was confident that she could hug when she wanted to.

In its proper context, there is nothing wrong with romance and chivalry. However, the real meanings of those have been twisted by those wanting a matriarchal world.
 

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Me and my wife have been married nearly 30 years. I am 51 years old and she is 48. Early in the marriage I told her I wanted to get a tattoo and immediately got a “no” because she doesn’t believe in them and that it’s against God per the Bible. So I respected her wishes and never got one. She doesn’t have any either. We’ll fast forward to present day 2021. My wife’s sisters recently got tattoos as did one of her friends. Out of the blue she told me that she wants to get a tattoo and have had a meaningful design that she’s had for a long time in case she changed her views. She even said she wants it on her right wrist. I’m like “What happened to you being against them?” She stated that she’s changed her views and realized they are not bad or trashy. I suggested both of us get a couple tattoo together. It would be our first. I sensed reluctance when she agreed. We contacted an artist after finding a design. She would repeatedly remind me my job has a tattoo policy and wearing long sleeve’s or bandages in Texas heat would get old. Well when the subject would always change when I bring it up, she sat me down and told me only wants one tattoo and only the design she picked out and she’s been planning this for a long time and it was going to be a sister thing because her sister wants a second. I told her well then I’ll get one for me and her reply was get this, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” She tried to explain tattoos have to be meaningful, not everyone should have one and I won’t look right with a tattoo because of my personality. She said it would be like our pastor or a sweet grandfather getting one which wouldn’t be right. This double standard angers me and I need suggestions soon. She plans to get one very soon as a Christmas gift to herself.
Have you seen her sisters’ tattoos?

Has she shared the design with you?
 

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If your job seriously has a policy on tattoos then you are certainly going to have to get one in a place that no one will ever see it except your wife. She's being awfully condescending to you acting like you couldn't possibly choose a meaningful tattoo. But really what's the point of having one if no one's going to see it and if your job forbids them, then I would imagine they're having a hell of a time hiring younger folks under the age of 50.
 
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If your job seriously has a policy on tattoos then you are certainly going to have to get one in a place that no one will ever see it except your wife. She's being awfully condescending to you acting like you couldn't possibly choose a meaningful tattoo. But really what's the point of having one if no one's going to see it and if your job forbids them, then I would imagine they're having a hell of a time hiring younger folks under the age of 50.
There are still many youngsters who wouldn't get a tattoo.
 

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Discussion Starter · #27 ·
There are still many youngsters who wouldn't get a tattoo.
I’m irritated by the fact that I thought “okay we’re on the same page,” then okay I’m getting one but it’s not okay for you and I really don’t care what you think. That’s my problem. If it goes away as a midlife thing and nothing transpires I’m good with that. I thought we were on the same frequency. Where’s our unity on a subject? It’s okay for me but not you. I’d rather her stick to our original mutual plan when she denied me almost 30 years ago.
 

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Discussion Starter · #28 ·
If your job seriously has a policy on tattoos then you are certainly going to have to get one in a place that no one will ever see it except your wife. She's being awfully condescending to you acting like you couldn't possibly choose a meaningful tattoo. But really what's the point of having one if no one's going to see it and if your job forbids them, then I would imagine they're having a hell of a time hiring younger folks under the age of 50.
They are. She brought that up. I think she thinks I’m going to pick out something she believes to be stupid. She always has a thing about being‘embarrassed’ yet she’s embarrassed me in front of people before.
 

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Tell her that the pattern YOU want for your tattoo is very personal and represents your patience for the past 30 years! (of not getting a tattoo).

It DOES sound a bit squirrely that she wants to have it done with her sister without YOU being around. Not to be nuts, but have you checked her phone lately?
 

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Discussion Starter · #31 ·
Has she been this completely controlling your entire marriage? Why, truly why do you allow this?
It doesn’t occur often. Only when the majority in her circle are doing something that’s the same she’ll want to jump in to I guess relate.,If they all jumped off a mountain, she’ll jump too. Im just here to put a wrench in things.
 

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Well, I would make sure you attend the appointment when they get the tattoos done. Something about this doesn’t seem right. Have you looked up info on the artist? Is the artist a male or female?

If you want a tattoo - get one! You don’t need her permission - it’s YOUR body!

I got a tattoo a few months ago - I’m 60. I love it! I thought about it for a year and changed the design a few times. It’s a sentimental tattoo and I love seeing it. My son went with me and booked my appointment. It was a nice experience and didn’t hurt.

Maybe consider placing yours another place that would make it easier to cover for work. What about low on the leg area?

Your wife seems like she is showing suspicious activity… have you checked her phone to see if she is texting/ calling any one number often? Too often to explain away? Have you checked her phone bill?

Either way - it’s your body - you do what makes you happy! Stop letting her control you!
 

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Your wife sounds like an ass. Again, go get the tattoo you want. If she's so damned worried about you "embarrassing" her, suggest she consider finding a partner who won't.

Or you can do what she tells you to do and continue to simmer with resentment. Your life. Your choice.
 

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Discussion Starter · #34 ·
Tell her that the pattern YOU want for your tattoo is very personal and represents your patience for the past 30 years! (of not getting a tattoo).

It DOES sound a bit squirrely that she wants to have it done with her sister without YOU being around. Not to be nuts, but have you checked her phone lately?
I’ve had my wheels spinning since I’ve heard of this. I hacked in her Pininterest account and saw tattoo designs so she’s been thinking of this a bit. She’s the type if everyone is doing something, she’ll jump on the bandwagon. Both of her sisters done it recently as did her friend so that’s what I think. If that’s the case, she’ll regret it later. That stuff doesn’t go away like when we unnecessarily bought a new car because everyone else did when we didn’t need one.
 

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Discussion Starter · #35 ·
Well, I would make sure you attend the appointment when they get the tattoos done. Something about this doesn’t seem right. Have you looked up info on the artist? Is the artist a male or female?

If you want a tattoo - get one! You don’t need her permission - it’s YOUR body!

I got a tattoo a few months ago - I’m 60. I love it! I thought about it for a year and changed the design a few times. It’s a sentimental tattoo and I love seeing it. My son went with me and booked my appointment. It was a nice experience and didn’t hurt.

Maybe consider placing yours another place that would make it easier to cover for work. What about low on the leg area?

Your wife seems like she is showing suspicious activity… have you checked her phone to see if she is texting/ calling any one number often? Too often to explain away? Have you checked her phone bill?

Either way - it’s your body - you do what makes you happy! Stop letting her control you!
I’ve had an idea for more than 30 years that means a lot to me. The artist she picked out for her is a female who did the first one for her sister.
 

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Discussion Starter · #37 ·
Your wife sounds like an ass. Again, go get the tattoo you want. If she's so damned worried about you "embarrassing" her, suggest she consider finding a partner who won't.

Or you can do what she tells you to do and continue to simmer with resentment. Your life. Your choice.
You should have heard her Dr. Phil style speech like I was a Delbert Dumbutt.
 

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It doesn’t occur often. Only when the majority in her circle are doing something that’s the same she’ll want to jump in to I guess relate.,If they all jumped off a mountain, she’ll jump too. Im just here to put a wrench in things.
I keep my rule simple. I will honour the wishes of the spouse, until they decide to break their own rule and then it's basically permission for me to do likewise.
 
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