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I'm a husband and father of two. I-and I assume my wife feels the same-am miserable in a 15 year marriage. It's never been what I would call good. Ironically, I was the one who saw that things would only get worse without counseling. At one point she agreed to go into counseling but backed out. Our relationship is more of a lifestyle and financial arrangement than a marriage. We tolerate each other and avoid conflict and confrontation. We have no intimacy-haven't had sex in over a year. I no longer desire her physically, due in part to her severe obesity-which she refuses to do anything about-and in part due to the erosion of the relationship and what I perceive to be her meanness and hostility. I know I share a portion of the decline and erosion of the relationship. I'm at the point in my life that I just want to end what I would call a perpetual bad dream and move on & try to find love with someone else. If she were to ask me if I would marry her again, with the knowledge that our two wonderful children would not be, I would still say no. I want to do what's right, but I believe that means enduring the next 10-14 years in misery.
 

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So how old are your kids and what (finances?) is keeping you from starting the process of separation and divorce?
 

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I'm a husband and father of two. I-and I assume my wife feels the same-am miserable in a 15 year marriage. It's never been what I would call good. Ironically, I was the one who saw that things would only get worse without counseling. At one point she agreed to go into counseling but backed out. Our relationship is more of a lifestyle and financial arrangement than a marriage. We tolerate each other and avoid conflict and confrontation. We have no intimacy-haven't had sex in over a year. I no longer desire her physically, due in part to her severe obesity-which she refuses to do anything about-and in part due to the erosion of the relationship and what I perceive to be her meanness and hostility. I know I share a portion of the decline and erosion of the relationship. I'm at the point in my life that I just want to end what I would call a perpetual bad dream and move on & try to find love with someone else. If she were to ask me if I would marry her again, with the knowledge that our two wonderful children would not be, I would still say no. I want to do what's right, but I believe that means enduring the next 10-14 years in misery.
Hi -

Nobody wants to be miserable. You need to have an honest discussion with your wife about the state of the marriage. As you said, she may be just as miserable as you. If you both feel that there is any chance to improve the marriage, then I suggest marriage counseling.
 

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So how old are your kids and what (finances?) is keeping you from starting the process of separation and divorce?
Kids are 12 & 5. I suppose the aversion to change, the known & unknown pains of divorce and the impact on the kids keep me here.
 

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Since you have two children, I think you should try to make the marriage work. Obviously it's not for both of you. She is apparently unhappy, and taking refuge in food, feels unattractive and is not interested in sex, and is angry at you for the way you feel about her and your marriage.

There's a lot of stuff to work on, and one doubts you do will accomplish a lot on your own. I would suggest counseling and try to get her to go again. Let her choose the counselor or forum.
I would do all I can to make the marriage work. What you do if that does not work is your choice, but you should first make this effort.
 
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