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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have unbelievable amounts of hatred inside me, even 4 months after D-Day.

Hate for the betrayal. Hate for doing things with him she didn't do for me. Hate for the broken dreams (we have children together). Hate for the lies, deceit, lack of conscience, and lack of remorse. Note: She cheated AND left.

How do you channel the hate?
 

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In a constructive manner. Do what you like to do the most and be better at it. Get better at your job. Learn new things, pick up a new hobby. Exercise. Do it for yourself. Transform the hate towards a positive force. Try to forgive and forget. But not before you are ready. By the time you can successfully turn the negative energy into a positive one you will see that you have become a better human being.
 

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I would say safest place is the gym. Go in there all jacked up on Animal Rage (supplement for those of you out there who don't know what I am talking about) and trying to lift way heavier than you should, imagining that the OM's is inbetween the plates and when they go down.....
Or shooting range. Shooting a high powered gun at a blank target...or put a print out of the OM on the target and begin taking aim.....

But if you want concrete reasons as to why you shouldn't go and break the OM's neck, I can think of a few...
 

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Were you able to do that?
Forgive- yes. We all are human, and we make mistakes. I forgave her twice before. I don't believe in sins, I believe in mistakes. If she could own up to it, we could give it another go. But she is perma-fogged.

Forget- hard, really really hard. It has been only a week since I discovered her A, and only four weeks since D-day. It will take time and time heals everything. Believe me, I am doing everything that I suggested you to do. Once you get yourself immersed in coding for the entire day, it gets easier to forget. But it pinches every now and then. I just call a friend and he gives me verbal slapping for still being in love with a cheater. :D
 

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I turn into Forrest Gump and run until i can not take it anymore. I also have a 100 pound punching bag.

It will be a year from my Dday in December and my rage is still here at times, but I have also changed myself and have become a better person. My rage comes from all that I have dealt with this year. Me and my 2 year old have been abandoned by his family, I have lost friends over this and have undergone a great deal of humiliation. It takes time but it will get better and you will wake up one day and realize you do not care anymore.

Take it one day at a time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I feel that even when I exercise the hate is still there. It's deep-seated. It hurts to feel hate for the mother of one's children. Her level of selfishness was phenomenal.

@Life101
You've forgiven her twice before? Hmm.. you do realize she probably won't stop? I hate to say it, I know you love her, but she knows you keep forgiving her so what's the deterence?

@MattMatt
Another friend suggested that. He added disgust to that list. Yet hate continues to rise to the surface. I feel what she did was so damn cold/ruthless/reckless. Especially since I was the one who tried to R for the good of the family (I hadn't found TAM yet so I didn't understand the strategies).
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I turn into Forrest Gump and run until i can not take it anymore. I also have a 100 pound punching bag.

It will be a year from my Dday in December and my rage is still here at times, but I have also changed myself and have become a better person. My rage comes from all that I have dealt with this year. Me and my 2 year old have been abandoned by his family, I have lost friends over this and have undergone a great deal of humiliation. It takes time but it will get better and you will wake up one day and realize you do not care anymore.

Take it one day at a time.
You sound awesome, Goose.

The family siding with the cheater happens all too often. Even if the family likes you and has embraced you, blood is still thicker.
 

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I feel that even when I exercise the hate is still there. It's deep-seated. It hurts to feel hate for the mother of one's children. Her level of selfishness was phenomenal.

@Life101
You've forgiven her twice before? Hmm.. you do realize she probably won't stop? I hate to say it, I know you love her, but she knows you keep forgiving her so what's the deterence?

@MattMatt
Another friend suggested that. He added disgust to that list. Yet hate continues to rise to the surface. I feel what she did was so damn cold/ruthless/reckless. Especially since I was the one who tried to R for the good of the family (I hadn't found TAM yet so I didn't understand the strategies).
Not even disgust. With hate and disgust you are giving her free rental space in your head.:D
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
The following is a rant!

My wife told me things I wish I hadn't heard. One was that she had fantasies of her and OM living together in the countryside and having a baby with him. (Vomit.) She was not even 5 months into the EA+PA when she started having these thoughts. It's sick. She's the mother of OUR two children and we had dreams too. Now that she's left me for him I feel destroyed and I hate her for it. It's the biggest F U any person can do to another. She ripped my heart to shreds and she's hurt our daughters for her own selfish gain. She's almost adolescent in her fantasies and she's in her thirties. Is that love she has for him? Part of me really hopes he cheats on her some day and she is heartbroken.
 

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I feel that even when I exercise the hate is still there. It's deep-seated. It hurts to feel hate for the mother of one's children. Her level of selfishness was phenomenal.

@Life101
You've forgiven her twice before? Hmm.. you do realize she probably won't stop? I hate to say it, I know you love her, but she knows you keep forgiving her so what's the deterence?
Yep, I know that now. Wish I had realized it earlier. That's why I have turned off the R button. No remorse from her, no third chance from me. She is OM's problem now. I hope he enjoys all the baggage she brings with her.
 

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I can totally relate to that 'hateful' feeling. It's like a never dying rage. I have developed IBS, that's after dealing with random anxiety and panic attacks. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me. Meaning, Ive had all sorts of tests and it's nothing serious, it's really just caused by a bunch of stress. And yes, the latest Dday was a little over a year ago, but ya know what, every time I hear, move on, I feel that it is insensitive to what I feel. And the reason for that is, that nothing has been resolved. I feel as though because he is not on the receiving end, its very easy to say, move on, most likely so I can screw you over again lol. And thats the bad part, That's why I am highly considering divorce, bc it's the only way to stop myself from being used again. If he can't stop himself, I can stop myself from continuing to be here. There are so many good people out there, it's ridiculous for us to be whining over some users and abusers.
 

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Someone said you have to forgive. I disagree. When someone wrongs us and betrays us you do not forgive, or forget. you can move on and not make it the focus of your daily thoughts in time, but you do not have to forgive or forget.

I think people delude themselves and devalue their own feelings by "forgiving" when what they really mean is convincing themselves the pain and hate they feel aren't valid feelings. They are valid. They are us recognizing that we have been wronged and betrayed and that the person who did it to us is someone we should never trust or be kind to. they no longer deserve our being being nice or giving them any benefits or kindness.
 

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Someone said you have to forgive. I disagree. When someone wrongs us and betrays us you do not forgive, or forget. you can move on and not make it the focus of your daily thoughts in time, but you do not have to forgive or forget.

I think people delude themselves and devalue their own feelings by "forgiving" when what they really mean is convincing themselves the pain and hate they feel aren't valid feelings. They are valid. They are us recognizing that we have been wronged and betrayed and that the person who did it to us is someone we should never trust or be kind to. they no longer deserve our being being nice or giving them any benefits or kindness.
Yes, I totally agree with you that the WS is not worthy of our trust, devotion, affection, and love anymore (at least not without any positive transformation). I also agree that all those feelings of anger and hate are valid. However, I believe we need to do this to preserve our own sanity. We cannot change others and the best we can do is to move on without any baggage. The longer we keep those feelings within us, the WS is winning. They wanted to hurt us and they keep doing it even after we BSs are done with them.

May be my thinking is not correct, may be I am way too passive. But if I have learned anything during this ordeal is that whatever happens happens for the good, and whatever doesn't happen doesn't happen for good. I am just glad that a cheater, liar, and heartless person is not going to control my life anymore. May be that sense of freedom is providing me with the power to forgive.
 

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Take all that hate and focus it on something different. Start hating the man she made you become. Do let her win. Do not let her be right about. Do not be the guy everyone says to her, "How did you marry that guy?" Instead work on yourself. Move on and become the guy everyone says, "How did you leave him". DO NOT LET HER WIN! Stop hating and start living.
 
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