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Have any of SO's read "No more Mr. Nice Guy" (or something along these lines) and implemented it? If so, did it work? It seems to me that the issues that this book tries to address are ones classic in codependents or people pleasers, so there are lots of books that could help. I have a BF that tries to please me all the time and it's exhausting and confusing that it's exhausting.
 

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I'm having my husband read the book that was written by the guy from TAM.. something having to do with a MAP? I don't know.. anyway, he's just starting it, so he hasn't implemented anything yet to my knowledge.. just discussing it and it's main idea though has gotten him to simply be more alpha and in charge and it's been nice in a lot of ways. I'd love to hear more about this from other women here as well.
 

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I'm debating on which to order. No more Mr Nice guy, Married Mans Sex life.. His needs Her needs? maybe we should ask the men who have read them to weigh in on them? I don't want to bombard my husband with all these books. "Here Honey, read these, loose weight and I'll be soooo soooo happy again!" hahaha
 
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I have read NMMNG, MMSL, and HNHN. My opinion to any wife is: read all three of these books. Incorporate the parts of each that resonate best with you and your situation into your life and your understanding. Then recommend one of them to your H or read it together with him.

Then make a good guess as to what self-help book you think HE might buy for you. Read through some titles that are having to do with marriage and relationship issues, until you find something that rings a bell as something he has mentioned to you before about yourself or your dynamic as a couple. For instance, if he has mentioned he wants more sex or better house keeping, find a couple of titles in that area.

The point would be that you both end up reading something that will help you be a better spouse for the other. If if is your goal to improve your spouse, you are going to come off as arrogant. So you better be the first in line for improvement, and show enthusiastically that you care about his view of things, not that you just want to change him but not change yourself. IMO, each of us can always improve, but pushing improvement on others and not yourself is going to backfire.

I liked NMMNG and HNHN, but MMSL was...well, it had stuff in it that was very hateful in tone toward women. All that "hamster" stuff is just plain mockery of women, while the author will then turn around and talk about how fragile a man's ego is, and that women should be very careful not to step on a man's sensibilities. But he can refer to her thought processes as a "hamster"? I just didn't like the way the author makes himself sound as if he considers women to be irrational rodents. For that reason alone, all of the good parts of his message were ruined for me. BUT...I can see that the book would resonate very well with many men, and wives even. If the hamster thing didn't bother me, I could really get on board with that book.

The other two are great and all of these books, ultimately, are meant to help couples and individuals be happier and healthier.
 

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For a man that presents as a conflict averse 'pleaser', co-dependent or smothering human blanket,

I generally recommend No More Mr. Nice Guy, or Hold Onto Your N.U.T.s.

A classic 'Nice Guy', starting off with Married Man Sex Life Primer is going to find the advice and strategies aversive to his nature. In other words, unless he takes some baby steps towards self-actualization, focusing on how he behaves around and for YOU, is only going to make things worse ... for both of you.

Plenty of guys here digest this stuff, implement and get it right.

Others, think they get it ... and end up making their circumstances more challenging.

I have read them all.

I am now officially, "Awesome".
 

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Have any of SO's read "No more Mr. Nice Guy" (or something along these lines) and implemented it? If so, did it work? It seems to me that the issues that this book tries to address are ones classic in codependents or people pleasers, so there are lots of books that could help. I have a BF that tries to please me all the time and it's exhausting and confusing that it's exhausting.
No, and he doesn't need that book or the MMSL book either. He knows himself and can stand up for himself and to me just fine. ;)
 
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