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I nearly posted this on another thread. But I think that would be considered hijacking. So I started a new one. Here goes.
I was out for my friends birthday on Saturday night. A bit of a school reunion. All 5 of us childhood friends out together.
Now I will digress a moment...before I met my current and when I was newly single after the break up of my unhappy union of 11 years with my children's father, I bumped into someone I had had a terrible crush on.
I had originally met him on a camping trip, 2 summers in a row. When I 1st met him he had split from his wife. I was very unhappy in my relationship. Such was my crush that I thought about him between the 1st year of meeting him (1 week holiday) and the 2nd year summer camp of a week or so, every single day, a bit less towards the end of the year break, but very intensely for at least the first 6-8 months of that year. That crush was so immense. The year after that 2nd summer I split from my long term partner. The same year I bumped into this man I had the immense crush on, I was newly single, on a night out. I would have done ANYTHING for this man. He complimented me, flirted, we exchanged texts, he propositioned me, I was ecstatic, then he mentioned his wife. 'Your wife? You are talking to me like this and still married?' He said yes. I ended the conversation. This was BEFORE I had experienced the deep pain of infidelity.
Back to the point, one of the girls on our friends night out on Saturday, we were catching up, she was asked what she had been up to, how was her love life. She answered rubbish! She had seen this man, that man, had a long affair with a married man....'Really' I asked. 'That is just wrong, that is absolutely wrong!' She gave the usual 'It is he that is doing wrong, not me, I am not responsible for his wife, his kids, he is, what do I owe them, he was unhappy in his relationship, not enough sex, we got on great' the usual crap. 'That is what they all say, do you think he is going to say I love my wife, she is great, but I would like sex with you too?' No! course not! He wants his cake etc. I lambasted her, I made it very clear my distaste and her stupidity, and her lack of morals. Anyway, she said, he did leave him for her! But he didn't move out! And then he went back to her! .....hmmm surprise!
I really did piss her off the other night, really pissed her off! And there is no way before now that I would have reacted so strongly. But that is the pain of infidelity. She got it that night. She got my pain wrapped up in my response to her indifference, immorality, and lack of care for anyone but her. And in her naivety (she is 36, so really as a grown woman should know better), did she deserve it? Yes I think so, a few home truths were well deserved. But was I wrong? Too blunt? I think in this day and age infidelity is given such a normality in everyday life that people think nothing of it unless they are the victim of it. And only then do they truly realise. There seems to be little social consequence for it, and indeed very much a social acceptance.
Yes I think she deserved it, but also, even though I would not have gone down the married man route myself, I would not have reacted with such ferocity before I had experienced the VERY REAL pain, deep gut wrenching pain, of infidelity.
BTW, I did smooth the waters. I didn't mean to personally attack her. But I made my social disgust known. Was I wrong?
I would like to share my story regarding the quote above. I feel that the pain of real infidelity (the kind that is administered by the most cared for person in your life, not just a cheating bf of 3 months when you were 16) has changed me massively. I also no longer tolerate these things it seems. At least it seems now from my experience the other night. Is it for good or bad?Now we will see what I will become. So far I have discovered I have no patience for anyone that lies to me for whatever reason. I have no tolerance for any kind of injustice and I have definite opinions for so many subjects before I could not care less about. So all this change may not be a good thing.
I was out for my friends birthday on Saturday night. A bit of a school reunion. All 5 of us childhood friends out together.
Now I will digress a moment...before I met my current and when I was newly single after the break up of my unhappy union of 11 years with my children's father, I bumped into someone I had had a terrible crush on.
I had originally met him on a camping trip, 2 summers in a row. When I 1st met him he had split from his wife. I was very unhappy in my relationship. Such was my crush that I thought about him between the 1st year of meeting him (1 week holiday) and the 2nd year summer camp of a week or so, every single day, a bit less towards the end of the year break, but very intensely for at least the first 6-8 months of that year. That crush was so immense. The year after that 2nd summer I split from my long term partner. The same year I bumped into this man I had the immense crush on, I was newly single, on a night out. I would have done ANYTHING for this man. He complimented me, flirted, we exchanged texts, he propositioned me, I was ecstatic, then he mentioned his wife. 'Your wife? You are talking to me like this and still married?' He said yes. I ended the conversation. This was BEFORE I had experienced the deep pain of infidelity.
Back to the point, one of the girls on our friends night out on Saturday, we were catching up, she was asked what she had been up to, how was her love life. She answered rubbish! She had seen this man, that man, had a long affair with a married man....'Really' I asked. 'That is just wrong, that is absolutely wrong!' She gave the usual 'It is he that is doing wrong, not me, I am not responsible for his wife, his kids, he is, what do I owe them, he was unhappy in his relationship, not enough sex, we got on great' the usual crap. 'That is what they all say, do you think he is going to say I love my wife, she is great, but I would like sex with you too?' No! course not! He wants his cake etc. I lambasted her, I made it very clear my distaste and her stupidity, and her lack of morals. Anyway, she said, he did leave him for her! But he didn't move out! And then he went back to her! .....hmmm surprise!
I really did piss her off the other night, really pissed her off! And there is no way before now that I would have reacted so strongly. But that is the pain of infidelity. She got it that night. She got my pain wrapped up in my response to her indifference, immorality, and lack of care for anyone but her. And in her naivety (she is 36, so really as a grown woman should know better), did she deserve it? Yes I think so, a few home truths were well deserved. But was I wrong? Too blunt? I think in this day and age infidelity is given such a normality in everyday life that people think nothing of it unless they are the victim of it. And only then do they truly realise. There seems to be little social consequence for it, and indeed very much a social acceptance.
Yes I think she deserved it, but also, even though I would not have gone down the married man route myself, I would not have reacted with such ferocity before I had experienced the VERY REAL pain, deep gut wrenching pain, of infidelity.
BTW, I did smooth the waters. I didn't mean to personally attack her. But I made my social disgust known. Was I wrong?