Understand Athol in the context of what we know from lots of other sources. Some basic facts:
-- Women in monogamous relationships lose interest in sex over time. The longer the relationship, the less interest they have. This is separate and apart from any changes in him. All of the factors which fuel a woman's libido fade in a long term relationship. She may grow in her love, but her desire for sex with him declines. Big difference. If he gets comfortable, drops the ball, starts balding and adding weight, etc. her interest will decline that much more. But he can be and remain the hottest, richest stud around and she will still lose interest. Giselle lost interest in Tom Brady compared to her trainer. Because the new guy is a novelty, a mystery, different and exciting. With no bills to pay, kids to raise, work arguments, etc. He just has to be new and hot. Boring, same old hubby cannot possibly compete with new. [his only protection in the marriage is her integrity to refuse to succumb to the temptation caused by her inevitable loss of desire for husband]
-- Most men have physical affection as their primary love language (see Chapman on the five love languages).
-- As her interest in sex fades, his satisfaction with the relationship fades.
-- The culture tells him that he must jump through more and more hoops if he expects to have sex. Wine her and dine her, etc. But that isn't what makes her horny (no matter how much she enjoys it or appreciates it). It's not possible to negotiate genuine desire.
-- If he asks his wife why she isn't interested in sex, she will search for reasons why it is his fault. Always. Because she doesn't understand the hormonal and other changes which affect her and reduce her sexual interest in him.
-- She may complain that he doesn't help with the kids enough. Or the housekeeping. Or have enough date nights. He will do whatever he can to make her happy, but none of it will make her horny. Because none of that is the real issue. And the relationship circles the bowl with a dead bedroom.
The key takeaway is that both husbands and wives should understand that the culture is toxic and its messages are wrong. Both need to understand the real factors in sexual attraction and what women need and want. That women want and love a man who is safe, dependable, and reliable. But those qualities don't make a woman horny. In fact, they can reduce sexual desire.
There are very real, science-based reasons why women say they want a nice guy, yet hook up with a bad boy. The more that is understood, the more likely marriages can survive and thrive.
-- Women in monogamous relationships lose interest in sex over time. The longer the relationship, the less interest they have. This is separate and apart from any changes in him. All of the factors which fuel a woman's libido fade in a long term relationship. She may grow in her love, but her desire for sex with him declines. Big difference. If he gets comfortable, drops the ball, starts balding and adding weight, etc. her interest will decline that much more. But he can be and remain the hottest, richest stud around and she will still lose interest. Giselle lost interest in Tom Brady compared to her trainer. Because the new guy is a novelty, a mystery, different and exciting. With no bills to pay, kids to raise, work arguments, etc. He just has to be new and hot. Boring, same old hubby cannot possibly compete with new. [his only protection in the marriage is her integrity to refuse to succumb to the temptation caused by her inevitable loss of desire for husband]
-- Most men have physical affection as their primary love language (see Chapman on the five love languages).
-- As her interest in sex fades, his satisfaction with the relationship fades.
-- The culture tells him that he must jump through more and more hoops if he expects to have sex. Wine her and dine her, etc. But that isn't what makes her horny (no matter how much she enjoys it or appreciates it). It's not possible to negotiate genuine desire.
-- If he asks his wife why she isn't interested in sex, she will search for reasons why it is his fault. Always. Because she doesn't understand the hormonal and other changes which affect her and reduce her sexual interest in him.
-- She may complain that he doesn't help with the kids enough. Or the housekeeping. Or have enough date nights. He will do whatever he can to make her happy, but none of it will make her horny. Because none of that is the real issue. And the relationship circles the bowl with a dead bedroom.
The key takeaway is that both husbands and wives should understand that the culture is toxic and its messages are wrong. Both need to understand the real factors in sexual attraction and what women need and want. That women want and love a man who is safe, dependable, and reliable. But those qualities don't make a woman horny. In fact, they can reduce sexual desire.
There are very real, science-based reasons why women say they want a nice guy, yet hook up with a bad boy. The more that is understood, the more likely marriages can survive and thrive.
