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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I am curious if there are ways to overcome a long term or persistent fetish and if so what the method is?

EDIT: I am treating all fetish as similar, but for argument's sake lets say BDSM and that any fetish here is between legal and consenting adults.
 

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I wouldn't describe my fetish as being "persistent" (to the extent that it is absolutely required for sex), but I have managed mine with on-line materials (which I am not thrilled about), fantasy and speaking indirectly with my wife about it.
 

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The best way to "overcome" a fetish is to find someone who complements it. As in, if you want to be a Dom, then find a Sub. Without more details, it's going to be hard for someone to provide feedback.

C
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks for the input Farside. Do you think it helps to share it with a partner (wife)?
Do you see it the fetish as an obstacle/annoyance?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
The best way to "overcome" a fetish is to find someone who complements it. As in, if you want to be a Dom, then find a Sub. Without more details, it's going to be hard for someone to provide feedback.

C
Thanks PBear
I am talking in general really because I think fetish are similar in nature. Because they are psychological in nature, surely it can be "removed"?
 

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I actually don't think a fetish can be "removed" or cured (although I have read that there are treatments). For me its not so prevalent that it interferes with my regular sex life. I do view it as an annoyance.

Mine is also more subtle (there was just an exchange about it on this board) so I could indirectly talk to my wife about it. It wasn't "hey I have a smoking fetish" it was "you know I think its hot when you act naughty, let's do this......".
 

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Thanks PBear
I am talking in general really because I think fetish are similar in nature. Because they are psychological in nature, surely it can be "removed"?
Well, some fetishes would be illegal, immoral, or otherwise socially unacceptable and therefore something you might like to try to control or "remove". Snuff films, anything to do with children, etc.

Others are very "mild", and if they were brought up to your wife, they would potentially be something that could enhance your sexual relationship. Bushy kitties, dressing up, the whole bdsm area... So it really depends on your kink and how strongly it drives your sexuality. Some people can't get off unless their partner is in their role, for example. For others, it's a fantasy they can entertain in their head.

In any case, if its something you can talk over with your partner, I'd start there. Maybe don't throw them in the deep end of the pool, but bring it up as a topic of conversation. If its something you really want to control, you might try a sex therapist.

C
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Unless your fetish is likely to cause you or anyone else psychosocial distress, or it is illegal, why do you feel you should eradicate it?

If your fetish is troublesome to you or anyone else, then you might consider therapy to help rid yourself of it.
 

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I have a leg and foot fetish and I like it. Its harmless and should be taken as a compliment to the lady.
If the woman does not like it then don't let the door hit her in the ass on the way out. A lot of the complaints posted on here by women are totally crazy and nuts.
 

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Well, some fetishes would be illegal, immoral, or otherwise socially unacceptable and therefore something you might like to try to control or "remove". Snuff films, anything to do with children, etc.

Others are very "mild", and if they were brought up to your wife, they would potentially be something that could enhance your sexual relationship. Bushy kitties, dressing up, the whole bdsm area... So it really depends on your kink and how strongly it drives your sexuality. Some people can't get off unless their partner is in their role, for example. For others, it's a fantasy they can entertain in their head.

In any case, if its something you can talk over with your partner, I'd start there. Maybe don't throw them in the deep end of the pool, but bring it up as a topic of conversation. If its something you really want to control, you might try a sex therapist.

C
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This is 100% true. If the fetish is something that is illegal or dangerous incorporating it is not a good idea and you should seek professional help. While I don't think it can be cured or removed, it can be controlled (and if it is one of the things discussed above (snuff films, kids.....) you absolutely should get help.
 

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Im thinkinf if its a fetish that can be included in typical sexual encounters then just do that, dont rely or act on in solely, I dont think women would be satisfied in this manner, however you might be able to have a woman accept it and even go along with it as long as you are not taking it too far and neglecting her needs also. If however it is very strange, you will most likely have trouble getting a woman to accept it and face rejection.
 

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Discussion Starter #13 (Edited)
Thanks PBear & Farside
I have put a little edit in the first post to explain that it is legal and consenting etc. I can see your point, some fetish are different to others. I was being a bit naive when I posted and hadn't thought of the illegal or non-consenting fetishes. I am not interested in those and do not have a fetish which is illegal or harmful. :)
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I have a leg and foot fetish and I like it. Its harmless and should be taken as a compliment to the lady.
If the woman does not like it then don't let the door hit her in the ass on the way out. A lot of the complaints posted on here by women are totally crazy and nuts.
Hi Old Pilot
Yes, I like women's legs, they are important to me too. In my case that isn't at the exclusion of the rest of her and I am sure I am not alone in that respect :)
 

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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
Unless your fetish is likely to cause you or anyone else psychosocial distress, or it is illegal, why do you feel you should eradicate it?

If your fetish is troublesome to you or anyone else, then you might consider therapy to help rid yourself of it.
Hi Cosmos
I think they can be troublesome if they are not compatible with the partner. Should we seek a partner to satisfy the fetish would be a logical next question.

I am not talking about illegal or "nasty" things. :) I should have been more specific, I was being a bit naive in my OP. :eek:

Im thinkinf if its a fetish that can be included in typical sexual encounters then just do that, dont rely or act on in solely, I dont think women would be satisfied in this manner, however you might be able to have a woman accept it and even go along with it as long as you are not taking it too far and neglecting her needs also. If however it is very strange, you will most likely have trouble getting a woman to accept it and face rejection.
Hi Roostr
So it seems the general consensus is that once there is a fetish the best thing to do is to try to go with it rather than against it? :)
 

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Hi Cosmos
I think they can be troublesome if they are not compatable with the partner. Should we seek a partner to satisfy the festish would be a logical next question.

I am not talking about illegal or nasty things things. :) I should have been more specific, I was being a bit naive in my OP as PBear pointed out. :eek:



Hi Roostr
So it seems the general consensus is that once there is a fetish the best thing to do is to try to go with it rather than against it? :)
well yeah, I mean if someone has a fetish, its something they really deeply enjoy, why not give it a chance right? I know its not something thats easy to talk about with a wife or girlfriend sometimes, but I think there might be subtly ways to build up to the point where she will figure it out. Im curious now, what is it? lol
 

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Hi Cosmos
I think they can be troublesome if they are not compatible with the partner. Should we seek a partner to satisfy the fetish would be a logical next question.

I am not talking about illegal or "nasty" things. :) I should have been more specific, I was being a bit naive in my OP. :eek:



Hi Roostr
So it seems the general consensus is that once there is a fetish the best thing to do is to try to go with it rather than against it? :)
I have a smoking fetish and a wife that is a non-smoker. I have made it wk. Seeking a third partner brings a whole range of other problems as evidenced by the 100 "we had a threesome and now _______" posts on this board.
 

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Discussion Starter #18 (Edited)
well yeah, I mean if someone has a fetish, its something they really deeply enjoy, why not give it a chance right? I know its not something thats easy to talk about with a wife or girlfriend sometimes, but I think there might be subtly ways to build up to the point where she will figure it out. Im curious now, what is it? lol
OK, my post was intended really to just explore overcoming a fetish in general, but I am going to have to deal with it more up front it seems. I don't like it, but it is persistent you see.

I have a smoking fetish and a wife that is a non-smoker. I have made it wk. Seeking a third partner brings a whole range of other problems as evidenced by the 100 "we had a threesome and now _______" posts on this board.
I am pleased you made it work, I imagine it was a relief and a way ahead?

I also agree, when we involved someone else the dynamics become much greater. It like an affair to solve a sex problem, all it really does is increase the number of problems, not reduce them, at least that is my theoretical view.
 

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I think they can be troublesome if they are not compatible with the partner. Should we seek a partner to satisfy the fetish would be a logical next question.

I am not talking about illegal or "nasty" things. I should have been more specific, I was being a bit naive in my OP.
If your partner is uncomfortable with your fetish, and it is causing problems between you, you have three choices, IMO:-

Try to reach a compromise with which you are both comfortable
Rid yourself of the fetish
Find someone who feels more comfortable with your fetish
 

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Is your wife willing to play along sometimes? Two people trying to play the same role all the times doesn't work well... :)
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