My H and I have been married for 15 years, together for 19, and have two children together. Let me start with the good. We both have good jobs and are very involved with the kids (ages 13 and 11). We do a lot as a family. He helps with cooking and cleaning. So the day-to-day is usually ok. However, H is quick to anger. He is an LEO and I often feel like he doesn’t separate work and home in terms of treating us with that same authoritativeness. He’s like that with the rest of his family as well. We’ve had argument after argument and so many times I’ve said I’m not going to sweep it under the rug anymore, only to do so again and again. I guess when the kids were younger it was easier to do that as they took so much of our time. But now that they’re older I’m really realizing a lot of things. I’ve asked my H for a few years now not to yell and argue in front of them, but he continues to do so. Many times when I stand my ground he’ll start with this whole “that’s fine, I have no say in this family” bit. That’s not the case, I’m just trying to have a conversation about a difference of opinion. He’s jealous over things like me wishing someone a happy Birthday on social media (A mutual acquaintance, not an ex or anything like that). When I try to prove a point by asking how he knows someone on social media, he thinks it’s fine to basically say he doesn’t know. The last time this happened, he got so mad that he threw his phone and broke it. He said it’s ok for him because he’s not interacting with them. He told me if I got Botox he would divorce me. He gave me a lot of grief a couple of years ago when I started a low dose of anxiety medication (“it’s sad you have to take something to make you happy”). As a result of the medicine, I feel that I’m not as quick to anger and try to talk more calmly during arguments. He mocks me for that. He tells me he’ll make me out to be a bad mother if I leave, but at the same time tells me to get my **** and get out. Then turns around and says the kids and I are all he has (his family lives a few hours away). He tries to make me feel bad for going out to dinner with friends. For my part, I’m not the most affectionate person, never have been. I am stubborn and strong-willed and I will call him out. I’m working on this and he knows it. I thought things were improving the latter part of last year, but a huge fight after Christmas has taken us 1,000 steps back (That’s when he smashed his phone). He won’t even consider MC. I know I’m throwing a lot of random examples out, but here’s my point/question. I know these things aren’t normal. I feel he stays in the M out of fear mainly. I’m staying out of fear, too. I’m afraid he’ll use his LEO status to impact custody, I am afraid of the impact on the kids, I’m afraid of financial ramifications, and I’m afraid of starting over at 43. I know fear is also normal, but was wondering if there’s anyone with a story similar to mine? I think I need some clarity, encouragement or perhaps even a different perspective. I could go on and on with particulars, but I hope I’ve given enough of a general overview to get some feedback.