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Discussion Starter #1
My wife of 22 years (age 41) shows all the signs of a midlife crisis (excessive exercise, boob job, feels empty, new single and young friends, ...). We have 3 girls aged: 12, 10, and 6. Over the past few months tensions have been build between us on her 4-night/week outings to exercise (see my previous jiu jitsu thread). 10 days ago she gave me the "I love you, but I don't lover you speech". I was floored for 3 days. After searching and reading I decided to go into spy mode and monitored her FB, email, cell activity. She just recently started an Emotional Affair with somebody. I confronted her and gave her the choice of end all contact or leave. She left, but returned later at midnight to agree to end contact. She is now on a business trip and will return Friday.

I want to start implementing the advice from the book How to Survive Your Spouses MLC, but I wonder if it is too late? This is essentially what seems the 180 method.

I am still monitoring her email, and in a message yesterday, she for the first time mentioned divorce to her girlfriend.

I see much of the advice is to work on myself, to improve myself so that I can feel better about myself, maybe make myself more attractive to her, and if necessary be able to move on. But, I do truly love her, and I think a divorce would be bad for her, me, and our children.

Any advice/comments on how I should behave when she returns from her business trip are welcome.

My plan is to start thinking about me; especially about building my life outside of this marriage. She returns late Friday night. On Saturday I plan on doing a new activity with my girls of rock climbing in a local place. For Sunday after I plan on going sailing (which I do about once every other week). I also scheduled a message for Monday -- never had one and I need to destress.
 

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Never to late to work on yourself. It helps you by being an improved you, whether for yourself, for her, or for the next women.

Stop looking for excuses to stand still. Move forward with your life.
 

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i like the idea of the "new activity" with your daughters.
do that, do LOTS of it.
if she wants to come along, make her welcome.
but dont let her eat cake at you and your children's expense.
 

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Personally I am not a real believer in the MLC thinking

If I were to have one (I'm 50) the result would be a motorcycle or a muscle car, not an affair!

This isn't a MLC. This IS an affair. She got herself in shape, prettied herself up and went out LOOKING for it!

Improve yourself. Keep tabs on her and do not reveal your sources

You've got a tough row to hoe here
 

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I think you're on the right track. You won't tolerate another man in your marriage. Gave her a clear choice: Leave or no contact. You're also going to do fun things with your girls. Make sure you're demeanor is strong, fun, confident, firm. The last thing you want to do is beg and plead with your wife. That'll make her run away faster.
 

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What about the children? You and your wife, in my opinion, should be focusing on what will be best for the kids.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I am conflicted about my 3 girls. My wife turned this holiday season upside down such that all I can think about is what to do to save this marriage. A result is my girls have been somewhat neglected.

My wife does not see her actions as neglectful of the children. She says whatever she does, she doesn't want to mess up the girls and she wants to be their Mom; yet she doesn't seem to think that not being home 3-4 nights/week is neglecting them :confused:

This is why I say she is having a MLC -- she's not thinking the way she used to think. She's become much more selfish and irrational.
 

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I am conflicted about my 3 girls. My wife turned this holiday season upside down such that all I can think about is what to do to save this marriage. A result is my girls have been somewhat neglected.

My wife does not see her actions as neglectful of the children. She says whatever she does, she doesn't want to mess up the girls and she wants to be their Mom; yet she doesn't seem to think that not being home 3-4 nights/week is neglecting them :confused:

This is why I say she is having a MLC -- she's not thinking the way she used to think. She's become much more selfish and irrational.
She doesnt think she is neglecting her kids because she doesnt WANT to think it.
My fww and her POSOM would convince and reassure each other that they were actually GOOD parents.
Until i laid it out that they were neglecting their kids well-being by being selfish pr!cks, and that parents are supposed to be the ones their children look to as POSITIVE role models.
So, no...they werent "good parents".
Best thing she can do to not hurt the girls is to have some respect for her husband. IMO.
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