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I have been with my partner for nearly 10 years. A few months ago we have had a threesome with another girl who I worked with - I am bisexual and we had talked about it for a while, since we are quite sexual anyway and were curious, we did it. We were both happy to do it a few times again on seperate occasions after that.

After those few times I felt that I did not really enjoy it as much anymore and wanted to stop - after a big argument my partner accepted that we would have a break, but during this time he has been chatting with her via social networking sites, but included me in the conversation, so I could see what was being written. I was not really happy with this either, but my partner argued that because I am included in the conversation it is ok!? He is constantly pestering me for when the next time it is that we will do it again!

I like this girl as a friend but not sexually and do not want to do it again!!! I have told my partner this, but we have somehow got into the situation of carrying on the threesome - without me wanting to do it (I know! I should have said: NO! straight away, but I love my partner and wanted to see him happy).

Now, I have had enough and can't bear to see them at it again, so I have told my partner this! MY partners response to this though is that I am overthinking things, I am placing too much emotion on the whole thing, it's just for a bit of fun!! He has even suggested that I get another man involved and that he would be happy to see me ..ck another man!! I feel sick at the thought of another man f..ing me and could never do that! I now feel completely confused - Am I crazy for having the feelings I have? Am I thinking things over too much? Our sexlife is usually amazing, we sometimes do it several times a day and definately don't go without for more than three days!! He even says it is amazing, but that it's nice to have a toy now and again too for a bit of fun!! This cries out to that he is not happy with me, does it not? Please Help?? :confused:
 

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I have had an few encounters myself with this kind of thing. When I first met my husband in High School I was actually dating another Girl. I wasnt sure what gender I did like at this point due to a pervert of a grandfather. This by the way leads to sexual gender confussion, along with potentiol drug abuse, and other issues.
Anywho, I knew I did like girls, and he was okay with that, he liked it..Of course a teenage boy will LOVE the fact HIS girl swings both ways..a) bragging rights. b)every boys/mans dream 2 girls at once!
Needless to say he lucked out on MY sexual preferences.And thats just it..These are YOUR sexual preferences. If YOU dont feel comfortable with a sexual encounter he should care enough for you to respect your boundries in that SHARED experience. To be honest if you werent bisexual would he be out having sex with other people? Probably not? He gets to participate because of YOUR sexual preferences.
Once it crosses that line; and its no longer a Good sexual experience for you, where does that leave your relationship?
Will he expect this the rest of your lives?
Will you get married and still continue?
But ask yourself two things. 1) Are you having threesomes because he wants you to? and 2) How much do you like other women?
Because If you like women more then men you should choose the latter. But if you really love this guy, your in it for the long haul, you need to SPEAK UP!! In S&M they have safty words for enough.. WHY would you not have something to say now in this situation?
Listen we all want to keep our men happy, but clearly you have expressed your feeling to him that you dont want this to continue, so why does he want this so badly?
What is the motive behind more threesomes? Dispite your feelings of uncomfortablness.
Does this girl seem to like your partner more than she should? and does she know that it is just sex, no strings attached?
If the encounter has happened several times, them sleeping together is becoming normal to either one or the other?
So in that where is the line or boundries drawn?
My husband has told me "Every one is entitled to their own feelings, we have emotions for a reason" If you FEEL like this isnt cool then trust thoes feelings, dont let him dictate how you should and shouldn't feel about a shared sexual encounter.
I can tell you from experience that there are a few things going on from his part 1) Guilt. Otherwise he wouldnt want another man to get involved. 2) Aloofness. Playing it off like YOUR the one that acting weird, despite your solid feelings on the matter. 3)Persistence, when a partner is going too far sexually we as lovers expect that trust beween eachother right? For example if my lover and I are "bussy" and I say "hay stop" do I expect them to stop? F*@k Yeah, I Do! That rule pretty much goes for everything.
You should really have a sit down talk with both that girl and your man, like a serious one.
 

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He wants to have sex with other people.

You don't.

So...you have 2 choices. Stay and act like it's ok, or leave. I'd leave.

Loving your partner and wanting to see them happy doesn't mean you jeopardize your own morals/wants.
 

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Well you opened pandora's box so to speak. Most men's biggest fantasy is a ffm threesome. It would be hard after that to realize he's never going to experience it again. I think it's more to do with that than with this particular woman. Lots of guys like to watch their woman with another man.
Personally I don't get any of it but I think you do need to put your foot down. What are they talking about on these sites? Is it
sexual?
If it was me I'd say "look you have had an experience most men can only dream of. I'm not comfortable with it anymore and it's not going to happen again. You need to accept this and just be happy that you got to do it." also I'd say he needs to stop talking to this woman.
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Discussion Starter #6
Thank you so much for all your advice. I feel so much more at ease now, having been able to talk to someone else about it other than my partner!

I will sit down and have a discussion with both parties and hopefully that will put it all in the open.

The only thing I am scared about now though is, that I see this girl every week and because the three of us have become friends, my partner is planning for us all to go to this event together which is quite far away from where she lives and thus she will be sleeping over at our house...which of course means that they will both be expecting something. Which of course won't happen!

We have even planned to go into business together which for me sounds like an amazing oppurtunity, but not in these circumstamces. What do I do? Cut her out of our lives completely, or still be friends. This is so complicated in my head - and everytime I get a comment by my partner that I am overthinking things and placing too much emotion, etc. on this (I have been previously been diagnosed with mental health problems) it makes me think that I am wrong in the head and that it should all be fine and make sense and that it's normal!

I want to cut her out of our lives to overcome this whole issue, but she has become a good friend (I haven't had a close friend in more than 10 years - my partner is usually my best friend.). I don't know how to go about this once I have spoken with them about it and told them that I don't want to do it anymore?

Thank you so much for all of your support - it's my first time on this forum and I am so greatful for any advice.
 

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Tell him you want to see him boned by a guy with a massive ****, when that has happened you might consider doing it again. Fair is fair.

You do need to drastically reduce contact with her and your partner can never contact her alone. This is a budding affair, cut if off.
 

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...'a bit of fun' is going out to an amusement park or something, not having a coworker come over to have sex...how can this ever turn out positively, when the potential to ruin your marriage and ruin you professionally is there? I feel sorry for women who get talked into doing things they really don't want to do by their partners...regardless of sexual orientation.
 

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The life rule is start as you intend to go meaning don't start things unless you are willing to keep doing it FOREVER. It's easier to NOT do things but a lot harder to stop once started.

You have opened Pandora's box and shutting it will take quite a bit of effort.

Good luck.
 

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IMO this is why bringing a third party into a sexual relationship is really never a good idea. It will always cause some kind of problem at some point.

IMO he doesn't respect your feelings on the matter and that should be enough right there. My guess is, he will harbor resentment towards you because you no longer want to do this, and you will harbor resentment against him because he does. I don't see where this is a workable situation any longer.
 
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I'm sorry but it's wrong for anyone to try to get you to do something by telling you that you have mental problems! That just is so manipulative. Ok so you might have a mental disorder. Lots of people do. That doesn't mean for one second that your thoughts and feelings aren't valid!
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Have you discussed this with the other woman involved? Perhaps you can get her on board and agree to end all sexual contact with both of you?

It's a difficult dilemma, because you have created expectations in him. I like johnnycomelately's idea of telling your partner you'd like to see him boned by a big bloke ;) - that might put a kibosh on his pestering you. (Or it might not and open a whole new Pandora's box!)
 

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You guy no longer sees himself or you as bonded and exclusive. He now sees her as a viable emotional and sexual partner who he is including in your intimate relationship - both emotionally and in bed.

You thought you were bringing a sex toy into bed for the two of you to play with - but what you got was a third person added to your relationship.

He is now fighting to find ways to keep her in his life and bed.

See the difference - she isn't a sex toy to him. She is a person whom he is now having a relationship with - but in front of you which makes it all ok in his mind.

His offering you a guy - was only as a sex toy for you - he didn't suggest you date and develop feelings for him did he?

I'm sorry but I really don't see this ending well.
 

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You guy no longer sees himself or you as bonded and exclusive. He now sees her as a viable emotional and sexual partner who he is including in your intimate relationship - both emotionally and in bed.

You thought you were bringing a sex toy into bed for the two of you to play with - but what you got was a third person added to your relationship.

He is now fighting to find ways to keep her in his life and bed.

See the difference - she isn't a sex toy to him. She is a person whom he is now having a relationship with - but in front of you which makes it all ok in his mind.

His offering you a guy - was only as a sex toy for you - he didn't suggest you date and develop feelings for him did he?

I'm sorry but I really don't see this ending well.
This is exactly what I was thinking. It's not just sex with this other woman anymore. She's involved in his life now, not just his bed. You are no longer a couple, you are a threesome.

I think it would be an even bigger disaster if the three of you went into business together. You need to get her out of your relationship, not draw her in even further into your lives.
 

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If you want to see your husband happy and are 'ok' with threesomes (just not attracted to this girl) then find a new girl for 'some fun'.

I think suggesting this to your husband may tell you the true story. It may be that your husband isn't good with just any girl. It is this girl that he is wanting.

This means it is no longer about 'just fun'. It is a relationship.
 

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But she doesn't want to have 3somes anymore. That's the entire pont of the thread. She's not down with it.

Sidenote: I fail to see how having 3somes strengthens any partnership/marriage. Yikes.

Shaggy nailed this situation perfectly. He's right. And the doubts you have about him contacting her are probably spot on. You feel uncomfortable because it IS uncomfortable. You saw her fcck your boyfriend. In front of your face. And vice versa.

O
M
G



********************** | ***************************************** | ***************************************
 

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You guy no longer sees himself or you as bonded and exclusive. He now sees her as a viable emotional and sexual partner who he is including in your intimate relationship - both emotionally and in bed.

You thought you were bringing a sex toy into bed for the two of you to play with - but what you got was a third person added to your relationship.

He is now fighting to find ways to keep her in his life and bed.

See the difference - she isn't a sex toy to him. She is a person whom he is now having a relationship with - but in front of you which makes it all ok in his mind.

His offering you a guy - was only as a sex toy for you - he didn't suggest you date and develop feelings for him did he?

I'm sorry but I really don't see this ending well.
:iagree: Shaggy is right on!
 

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I'm not telling u to leave, as that is not an option if u love the man, he's getting to cheat with no consequences, been there done the whole threesome thing. Ask ur self this during the threesome does he spend more time and attention with the other girl or does he just like to watch you with her? It's time for u to show him how u feel when u see him with her, ask for a threesome, but with him and another guy, he'll change his tune. Right now as far as he's concerned he's not sharing u, men don't like to share their toys with other men. Go as far to pick someone better looking and more fit & will drive him crazy, on the other hand it might actually make him desire u more, because theirs another male wanting what he has. Either way the outcome will be in ur favor. Just my opinion
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Sidenote: I fail to see how having 3somes strengthens any partnership/marriage. Yikes.
I can see how engaging in group sex of some sort with your partner could strengthen your relationship. You're sharing an extreme experience together and are both forced to confront the issues either of you have with insecurity or trust.

This is exactly what's going on in this situation, and if the OP and her husband can work through these issues successfully their relationship will be stronger. I really think she needs to straight up give him a direct ultimatum: "I am no longer comfortable having threesomes with this woman, we must stop and confront my issues together or our relationship will be harmed and may not survive the damage."
 
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