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Discussion Starter #1
Hey TAM friends,
If you want to know the background look up my first thread 'My husband left me for an 18 year old student'
So I thought I'd give you an update about the creepy 18 year old OW. I'm 32 btw.. Anyways after my h left 9 months ago after the birth of our second bub, I haven't tried to contact the OW at all. As much as I'd like to destroy her, I didn't. It took some restraint, mind you. About a 2 weeks ago I received a text from her, stating she would like to meet up, and that she thinks 'it's time'. I ignored it. The next day I received 11 phone calls on my cell and home phone. I ignored it. The following day it was my stbxh day with the kids and when I saw him, he asked me if I received her phone calls, because she would like to meet up with me and talk. Ummm... no! I told him she's persona non grata to me and anything between me and him is just that. She does not exist in my world. We cannot divorce legally until mid Jan of next year, as much as I would like to NOW! Have to wait a year here. Anyways, she lashed out at me on FB apparently. I'm not sure the exact content, but it was something to the effect of her being happy because she will never be me + some other crap...
So 3 days ago i got a one line text from stbxh, 'just letting me know' that OW is moving in. WTF? This is completely mental. I simply answered him that I am paying for my dad's sins (he cheated on my mom when I was born, they are still together 32 years later-happy), and that our kids will have to pay for his sins, as he can't tell the difference between love and limerence. Again, the very next day more **** was posted- but I don't know what exactly, as I asked my friends not to tell me any details... had to do with stbxh being in love and happy in not so many words. I don't check fb anymore, I don't ever react, I'm just too tired mentally. Today, was stbxh day with the kids. He dropped them off. A half hour later I got a phone call, I picked up said hello.... just silence on the other line. I waited 10 secs and hung up. I can be my sunglasses it was her. She needs to back off. I cut my hair off completely 3 weeks ago. Guess who got a haircut? This is freaking me out. She's got the guy, she's living with him. I am completely replaced. What else does she want from me????? Both of them don't stop. I just want them to leave me alone. Stop rubbing this in my face, I haven't engaged with stbxh in any talks about her in a couple of months, nothing. Now this. A shiatestorm. Over this.What do you think this is all about??????:scratchhead:
 

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This had GOT to be so very hard on you and I am sorry for that. But you are doing the right thing. Do not engage. She will find out the hard way when he cheats on her, and you know it will happen. And even then, you won't be there for her.

However, when he does cheat on her, you will get the last laugh. :D
 

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Maybe you should stop contacting him. Do you have someone you can use at an intermediary?

Also She didn't 'get the guy' What she got is a washed up musician with a penchant for girls who look like they belong at a teen band retreat(I saw OWs facebook, wow)

She copies you cause she wants to BE you, but she can't. Eventhough she has your PoS husband, thats not enough.

Why? Cause shes still not a mother, theres most likely no promise of a ring on her finger yet and shes panicking, and she may be losing his attraction.

Therefore shes trying to emulate what did attract him, ergo you.

The only possible reason she could be so concerned with you is because she considers you a threat.
When you refuse to acknowledge her like you would an ant under your heel, that empowers you. She wants to drag you down to her level, probably through a cat fight argument(minus the physical) so she can see herself as an equal.

Push pull, but you refuse to do both, which is good.

And don't feel patronized by her sorry attempts at trying to make herself a catch when shes a 6 at best.

If she felt secure, she wouldn't spare you a second thought.

Seems as if all isn't well in wonderland.
 

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Yes--an intermediary...hire someone if you can. You don't have to leave the house, just cut down contact any way you can.

We've talked about this before...my concern is that you have a permanent bond with your husband via your children. Someone who was your age might not be happy about it, but they'd realize on SOME level it's part of the package.

Someone who is barely 18 didn't think that part through. She had this fantasy image of your husband leaving you and the two of them going off in the sunset (with him becoming internationally famous...). The kids weren't in that picture.

Now she gets to realize, wow, he is in contact in one form or another with his stbxw every week, sometimes several times a week, and the kids are REAL and a part of their lives. Sometimes the kids are cute, but mostly they require a LOT of attention. The best way to push them down in terms of rank in his life is for the two of them to have their own kids--but I'm SURE neither of them wants that at all for the forseeable future.

Because she is barely out of junior high school, we can easily interpret what's going on (unlike with an adult, whose motives might be more mixed). All of her behaviors show that she is in some way deeply threatened by you and the children. She realizes that you weren't cut loose just because he moved out. I think she wants to cement her relationship with your ex--she wants to make her mark--and she thinks she's exhibiting maturity by wanting to meet with you, when in fact (because of the circumstances) it's just another self-centered insensitive act she can chalk up for herself.

I have said this before also, although it pains me to say it because I know if I were you it would make me feel so helpless...but the evil stepmother myth is not a myth. Don't get me wrong--there are MANY fabulous stepmothers out there who have sacrificed their right arms for someone else's children. But keeps your eyes wide open...in fact I'd tell my friends who watch facebook to be sure and tell you instantly about any mention of your kids (the rest of it can go in the garbage bin).

If she was capable of displaying any humility, grace, or maturity, I'd be ever so slightly less concerned. But in general, she acts like she's 14, not 18, and I don't see that changing any time soon.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Kasler, no I don't have an intermediary. I have no family in OZ besides my kiddos and my friends all live a half hour away (we moved where we did to buy a house in a kid-friendly area. As to her looks, well yes the funny part is I'm actually much better looking than her, even having 14 years on her. I'm serious, not trying to sound full of myself. I would post a pic, but I've already given out waaaay too much info when I outed her.... That's why I've pulled back with my profile data.... Anywhoo, by living with him she will be a spouse-de-facto, which is insane. So now he has two spouses:slap:
My guess is next in line is a pregnancy though. If she's as obsessive and insane as it appears to be, she will want something to tie her to him forever. It sucks for me because I don not want my kids to be in any way related to her spawn... especially because this won't last. I don't want to be one of two baby mamas:( On the other hand it would be the ultimate revenge if he was stuck with her for the rest of his life after his fog lifts... like I'm stuck with his dumb arse
 

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They're moving in? That signals the death knell for their idyllic relationship. You stay on course of D, no second chances, not after what you've been through.Correct me if I'm wrong but I still get the feeling that if he'd come up to you and was really remorseful, you'd take him back.
 

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Hey TAM friends,
If you want to know the background look up my first thread 'My husband left me for an 18 year old student'
So I thought I'd give you an update about the creepy 18 year old OW. I'm 32 btw.. Anyways after my h left 9 months ago after the birth of our second bub, I haven't tried to contact the OW at all. As much as I'd like to destroy her, I didn't. It took some restraint, mind you. About a 2 weeks ago I received a text from her, stating she would like to meet up, and that she thinks 'it's time'. I ignored it. The next day I received 11 phone calls on my cell and home phone. I ignored it. The following day it was my stbxh day with the kids and when I saw him, he asked me if I received her phone calls, because she would like to meet up with me and talk. Ummm... no! I told him she's persona non grata to me and anything between me and him is just that. She does not exist in my world. We cannot divorce legally until mid Jan of next year, as much as I would like to NOW! Have to wait a year here. Anyways, she lashed out at me on FB apparently. I'm not sure the exact content, but it was something to the effect of her being happy because she will never be me + some other crap...
So 3 days ago i got a one line text from stbxh, 'just letting me know' that OW is moving in. WTF? This is completely mental. I simply answered him that I am paying for my dad's sins (he cheated on my mom when I was born, they are still together 32 years later-happy), and that our kids will have to pay for his sins, as he can't tell the difference between love and limerence. Again, the very next day more **** was posted- but I don't know what exactly, as I asked my friends not to tell me any details... had to do with stbxh being in love and happy in not so many words. I don't check fb anymore, I don't ever react, I'm just too tired mentally. Today, was stbxh day with the kids. He dropped them off. A half hour later I got a phone call, I picked up said hello.... just silence on the other line. I waited 10 secs and hung up. I can be my sunglasses it was her. She needs to back off. I cut my hair off completely 3 weeks ago. Guess who got a haircut? This is freaking me out. She's got the guy, she's living with him. I am completely replaced. What else does she want from me????? Both of them don't stop. I just want them to leave me alone. Stop rubbing this in my face, I haven't engaged with stbxh in any talks about her in a couple of months, nothing. Now this. A shiatestorm. Over this.What do you think this is all about??????:scratchhead:
If you ignore it long enough they will simply get bored.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
iheartlife,
I agree with everything you said. My shrink believes the move in is a power play to get close to the kids. Since stbxh loves them, she wants to be part of that equation-a nice package, all four of them. She also thinks that OW will try to outdo me for a while at least, being the amazing one. She'll fail. Just got a phone call..... fb relationship status changed to 'in a relationship'.... wow.... this is absurd. Ok mate, in a relationship and married. What a champ. The situation is getting hyperactive now. Either they want me to go back to the US, flip out and get a restraining order against me, or kill myself. Either way, not gonna happen. This is stupid. I'm off to my dystopic fantasy world, where everybody is normal and I'm simply a single mom. My reality is just too insane to cope with.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
That's what I'm doing. Ignoring. It's too much effort to react at this point. I've got a job, kids and responsibilities. I don't have time for this garbage.
I guess I wrote here today to just purge myself of all this revolting crap. To leave it on a anonymous internet page and let it stay here.
And obviously, like all of us, to hear some words of encouragement, as I am in cognitive overload. Thanks all:)
 

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They're moving in? That signals the death knell for their idyllic relationship.
:iagree:
Maybe he will stick to OW for a while out of pure delusions, stubbornness and pride but sooner or later his selfish nature will raise again.
Also agree OW's next step is trying to get pregnant as now your presence will be even more threatening. She's already desperate things are not the way she fantasized.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
It seems to effectively piss them off... I don't care to piss them off anymore. I'm too tired of this. I just want to be left alone and not dragged into this with any phone calls and hang ups. Just no contact except for the 5 minutes during pick up/drop off of my beautiful kiddos. And no teenage bull****. She can have him, not me.
 

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You asked why? My guess is GUILT. Underneath all the exteriors that they show there maybe some humanity. She is/was trying to get some contact with you so that some of the GUILT could be justified that she contacted you and you made contact with her. She therefore, did not have an Affair with a Married Man that you in someway approved of it.

ERGO she does not have to worry about the KARMA bust hitting her in the future because all in all she is a good person and you made contact with her.

Nice to live in a Fantasy
 

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That's what I'm doing. Ignoring. It's too much effort to react at this point. I've got a job, kids and responsibilities. I don't have time for this garbage.
I guess I wrote here today to just purge myself of all this revolting crap. To leave it on a anonymous internet page and let it stay here.
And obviously, like all of us, to hear some words of encouragement, as I am in cognitive overload. Thanks all:)
Honeystly,

I agree with the advice your getting to ignore the OW for now but, if the contacts continue (especially like the silent phone call your received), you might consider consulting an attorney about filing a harassment charge.

Wishing you the best.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
No I'm not. 1. Men disgust me 2. I have the kids 7 nights a week. 3. No way in hell I'd go on some lame internet dating sites and I don't know anybody single. EVERY SINGLE one of my friends and acquaintances is paired up. 4. Men disgust me.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Hi Almostrecovered, good to hear from you!
As for me, the situation I'm isn't exactly my definition of fun. It's exhausting.
 
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