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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited by Moderator)
We have been together for six months now and getting along great except for one thing. He has introduced me to some of his friends. The first of his friends that I met is his female "best friend". She is married. The first time the three of us got together so that I can meet her, he treated her better than he treated me. He didn't even touch me or kiss me in her presence. We almost broke up because of this.

They have not met many times, but when they meet they do activities that he does not do with me. He always says he wants to do them with me, but somehow he "forgets" to. They both said they want us to go out for a double date with her husband, but somehow it never worked out, so I have not met her husband. What bothers me more is that my BF pays for her when they go out, he paid her trips in the past, and God knows what he pays for, because she doesn't work.

He acknowledged that he treated me poorly and wants to make amends and says he loves me, so I gave him a chance and asked him to be transparent about their friendship so that I feel comfortable around her. Since then, he never mentioned her or any of her news, even though they regularly communicate and text. His birthday is coming up and hers too. They made arrangements to celebrate their birthdays together without me or her husband present.

My suspicion is that he has already bought a gift for her and want to spend the evening with her. They picked the day of the week I am most busy and cannot join. He didn't insist I join either; just mentioned it in passing. We have not celebrated his birthday yet; it's in a week. Am I overreacting for wanting him to myself? He always says I am the one, but it looks to me that I am sharing him with this friend who keeps him around her.

He has several female friends and has met with them without me, and I feel fine about them because he shares with me their stories; it's just he never shares anything about this particular friend, even after me asking him to do so. I am thinking of ending things with him because he has consistently disregarded my feelings about this after many promises to correct his behavior.
 

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He has two girlfriends. You want to be the ONE. He apparently doesn't agree. I think that about covers it.
 

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If this is how things are during what is supposed to be the honeymoon phase of your relationship, imagine what the future holds.

This is downright inappropriate and it makes me question whether this woman truly is married. Such poor boundaries, it is clear this woman and your bf are engaged in an emotional affair.

Test your gut OP. I commend you for standing up to their bs that first instance when he treated her better than you. Trust your gut, you deserve better than this.
 

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They made arrangements to celebrate their birthdays together without me or her husband present. My suspicion is that he has already bought a gift for her and want to spend the evening with her. They picked the day of the week I am most busy and cannot join. He didn't insist I join either; just mentioned it in passing.

Am I overreacting for wanting him to myself?
WTF?!?!?!? Uh, no, you aren't "overreacting." In fact, I'd like to know why you are questioning yourself on this. You have made it abundantly clear how you feel about this so-called "friendship." Your bf tosses you a few crumbs by telling you that you are numero uno. I call total B.S. on that. Talk is cheap. Look at the behavior, not the words.

And his behavior makes it clear he is either already screwing this woman or they are, at the very least, deep in an emotional affair.

Me? I'd drop him like radioactive waste. SERIOUSLY.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Prodigal, I question myself because whenever I bring up the subject of them hanging out, he repeats that he has known her for a long time and she is like a sister to him, and they have been doing so many activities together. I don't want to sound jealous or insecure, but this situation makes me both.
UPDATE: after our argument, he cancelled his plan to meet her for their birthday. I feel conflicted.
 

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Prodigal, I question myself because whenever I bring up the subject of them hanging out, he repeats that he has known her for a long time and she is like a sister to him ...
Like I already told you, talk is cheap. He can tell you anything he wants to tell you. Especially when it works in his favor. After all, what he tells you has you questioning yourself. But here's the thing: You are giving him power to determine how you should feel. And he knows it. It's called manipulation, and he's quite adept at keeping you in your place.

... they have been doing so many activities together. ... UPDATE: after our argument, he cancelled his plan to meet her for their birthday. I feel conflicted.
No, I don't think what you are really feeling is conflicted at all. On some level, it's denial. After all, your bf is participating in lots of activities with his female friend. I assume you and the friend's husband are left out of the loop. And, hey, how about this husband she supposedly has. How do you know there really is a husband? Logic dictates that any man worth his salt wouldn't allow his wife to be out cavorting with an unmarried male friend. So you don't like the situation as it stands. I bet you also feel your bf is tossing you a bone to get you to shut up about his gal pal.

Do you honestly know/believe they aren't going to hook up anyway? So that conflicted feeling you have is your gut instinct telling you something is off. Meanwhile, bf is going to continue to keep you off balance and doubting yourself.

It's up to you. Have enough faith in yourself and stand by your convictions, or have yourself tied up in knots over his dicey relationship with the other woman.

Frankly, I wouldn't want a man like this in my life. Why? Because I know what I want. Maybe you should give serious thought to what you want. This man does not sound like a keeper to me.
 

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You are the one.

The one he spends the most time with.
She is the one he thinks about most of the time.

She is the one that got away.
Not away, away. Still within arms reach.

I too, suspect she is married and that her husband does not have a clue about what she is up to.

She is a cake eater.
You are a flake eater.

Spit out this phony two timer.


Lilith
 

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Prodigal, I question myself because whenever I bring up the subject of them hanging out, he repeats that he has known her for a long time and she is like a sister to him, and they have been doing so many activities together. I don't want to sound jealous or insecure, but this situation makes me both.
UPDATE: after our argument, he cancelled his plan to meet her for their birthday. I feel conflicted.
Their relationship isn’t normal. Also can’t see how her husband puts up with it.

Red flag is that when you asked him to be transparent he stopped talking about her.

I think you need to find a bf that is into you, not a married lady that he has known forever.
 

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This is totally inappropriate. He is dating her as well as you. Its also very odd that you have never met her husband. I have to wonder if he even knows about their relationship.
I would run a mile. He clearly has no boundaries with other women.
 

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Are you absolutely sure that she is still with her husband and if she is are they in some sort of open relationship.
 
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Discussion Starter #15
She is with her husband; they are probably in a monogamous relationship. I saw some pictures of him and of them together. I suspect an emotional affair rather than a sexual one between her and my BF.

As I mentioned above, my BF cancelled the plan with her after I reacted strongly to them going out without me and the husband. I can't say what kind of man the husband is because I have not met him, but he seems fine with her hanging out with my BF while he is at work.
 

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If this is the type of crap you are willing to settle for after just six months in a relationship, that's fine. Your life. Your choice.
 

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I have to wonder did he really cancel the plans with her or did he just move them to another date that doesn’t conflict with your plans.

I would be sitting this boy down and telling him that you are not comfortable with the way he interacts with his female friend. Is it possible that you are just getting jealous of a close relationship that these two have, which very well may be like sister and brother?

Tell him how you feel and that you think he may have feelings for his friend and that you are not comfortable being in a relationship with him while he’s heart and thoughts are in another place.

He didn't even touch me or kiss me in her presence.
When you say this, does that mean he never touched you or that he would pull away from you when ever you tried to touch or kiss him? If you tried to hold his hand, would he hold yours or shake you off?

The fact that he pays for her when they go places is weird, and to me makes it seem like maybe he has a crush on her and she essentially was the one that got away, but never really left and if that’s the case.. good luck you are always going to be playing second fiddle for as long as you date him or until her marriage falls apart and he feels he may have a shot with her.
 

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the husband. I can't say what kind of man the husband is because I have not met him, but he seems fine with her hanging out with my BF while he is at work.
"but he seems fine" SEEMS??? He seems fine? Really? How would you know? Have you ever met him? Spoken with him? Asked him about your concerns and if he possibly has any?

No. You're just taking your boyfriends word for it aren't you? Don't you see a problem with this?



It is high time that you had a talk with the "best friend's" husband. I will bet you a brand new shiny nickle he has no idea of what has been going on.
 

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This is totally inappropriate. He is dating her as well as you. Its also very odd that you have never met her husband. I have to wonder if he even knows about their relationship.
I would run a mile. He clearly has no boundaries with other women.
A mile or 1609.344 meters?
 

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Prodigal, I question myself because whenever I bring up the subject of them hanging out, he repeats that he has known her for a long time and she is like a sister to him, and they have been doing so many activities together. I don't want to sound jealous or insecure, but this situation makes me both.
UPDATE: after our argument, he cancelled his plan to meet her for their birthday. I feel conflicted.
And BOY is he never going to let you forget it.

You know, there's a difference between being honest, healthy good friends and acting like a lovesick teenager and trying to pass it off as being her friend.

This fool falls into the latter category.

And whether you like it or not, he'll always see YOU as the reason his 'friendship' has suddenly become such a problem for him.

Personally, I'd be willing to bet my right arm if she got divorced he'd be RIGHT there hoping to fill in the vacancy.
 
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