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Gut feeling or intuition

11K views 47 replies 38 participants last post by  RWB 
#1 ·
Just for discussion sake: For the BSs out here, how many of you experienced a gut feeling or just knew something was off in your WS that made you dig further to find the affair?

For me, it was an extremely powerful gut feeling. Guess some red flags, but I remember the gut feeling the most.

How many of you were completely blindsided and found out by accident or incidentally?
 
#4 ·
The very first time during our marriage, I didn't realize anything was going on (or maybe I didn't want to) until my sister pointed it out. Once I figured it out, my intuition has been on fire since. Seriously, he would tell me that if "she" ever contacted him again, he would let me know immediately. He didn't always do that but I would know. I would just know something happened and would ask. With the second time, I was just more aware. I knew something was going on. Knew it! But, I couldn't end things without proof. I got it in spades.
 
#5 ·
Just for discussion sake: For the BSs out here, how many of you experienced a gut feeling or just knew something was off in your WS that made you dig further to find the affair?
Arent these - two sides of the same coin? My view is that the second leads to the first one.

For me, it was an extremely powerful gut feeling. Guess some red flags, but I remember the gut feeling the most.
I knew something was wrong and it stirred up the gut feeling.

How many of you were completely blindsided and found out by accident or incidentally?
Her behaviour led me to wonder.
 
#6 ·
For me, the signs were MUCH more obvious in retrospect.

I should've picked up on it better, yet I reasoned them away...
and just didn't connect the dots at the time.

Silly me... trusting my "soulmate" and "best friend" of 2 decades....

She also did a great job of hiding it while tearing me down, lashing out,
threatening me with D and blaming me and her job for it.

I knew she had been tampered with down there, I just assumed
that she was the one doing the tampering herself as our sex life
didn't slow down one bit during her 2 mo A.
 
#8 ·
I knew something was wrong, but thought it was just his porn addiction and my failures (believed his criticisms of me fully). Found out by accident that it was more, but I had been vigilant because he was acting shady. Blindsided, probably because I ignored the gut feeling that something was amiss.
 
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#10 ·
I knew the minute it started up, but had no evidence. And when I had the evidence, I could not bring myself to catching them. Cause if I would, I would have kicked him out. So I kept on questioning him, until he finally came up with this story.
Problem that I face now in the reconsilation, is that I have hte feeling that in those weeks, I knew about this relation, he kept on lying. So for me it feels that he protected her, and not me. And this is killing me.
So still not sure what would have been better, not to know and just get the story one day, or knowing and lying continues to protect the other?
 
#12 ·
I knew the minute it started up, but had no evidence. And when I had the evidence, I could not bring myself to catching them. Cause if I would, I would have kicked him out. So I kept on questioning him, until he finally came up with this story.
Problem that I face now in the reconsilation, is that I have hte feeling that in those weeks, I knew about this relation, he kept on lying. So for me it feels that he protected her, and not me. And this is killing me.
So still not sure what would have been better, not to know and just get the story one day, or knowing and lying continues to protect the other?
this is what I come back to as well.
 
#11 ·
The gut feeling was so strong that it made me physically sick. Extremely physically sick. But I didn't know what was actually wrong and was totally blind sided by what was actually happening. For a couple years I was extremely sick and just "knew" but didn't know what I knew. About a year ago I started having a nagging voice in my head about the person he is involved with, but for too many reasons to tell I just did NOT believe it. Absolutely did not believe it. Then I had a dream and the OW said to me in a dream "yes, we've been together quite a while now". Still, I didn't believe it. FF to the day I finally realized that it most likely really was happening and I confronted him and he admitted it. I had zero evidence and zero reason to even believe it other than my gut. So yeah, the gut feeling is real and can be trusted. Heads and hearts maybe can't be trusted, but gut feelings can most definitely be relied on.
 
#16 ·
I had a few signs that I ignored which I shouldn't have. No gut feeling, though. My brain, when I found out, tried to tell me it could still be innocent. I clearly remember thinking to myself that those strange sexy Yahoo chat names could just be people he knew who happened to use them and that he wasn't doing anything inappropriate. I also remember thinking I should just close it out and not delve deeper, at the same time my brain was screaming DANGER DANGER DANGER. It was weird. Not until I read the words 'sex escort agency' in one of the emails did it really hit me.
 
#21 ·
I had a bad gut feeling but in hindsight, things should have been more obvious.

I was very naive and very trusting. Even before snooping, I knew something was wrong in our relationship but for the longest time, I never attributed it to cheating. It was only when his sneaky texting (going away from me and our oldest to text) became more and more flagrant that I decided to stay home one weekend to snoop and found out he'd been cheating and IMO, heavily addicted to porn.

I think that even though we all know that we're different from one another, we tend to look at others through the same lens and as having the same standards that we do ourselves. So a loyal spouse will tend to trust too much and give the benefit of the doubt and a disloyal spouse will accuse the loyal spouse of doing the same wrongs.
 
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#23 ·
gut feeling is king

Never once let me down in my whole life

Every time I've had that ripple down there it's been right on the money

Sometimes wish it would have been wrong or not there at all as the pain after has been consistent but hey it's there to protect us ultimately so..
 
#24 ·
gut feeling, I knew. OW was always commenting on his FB and something click in my head. I asked him and he laughed in my face a day later he came clean.
We all went of 1 night for dinner and she was flirting with him but did not say anything and that is when the wheels started to turn in my mind and started to look for info here and there but really did not find anything but he did not want to be with me or have anything to do with me.
 
#26 ·
well lets just say that I have a very strong intuition about things and my gut eats at me when i know something isnt right. Eats at me to the point of anxiety attacks and making myself sick. This happened to me almost 3 years ago, before H and i got married. we have been married for 2 years now. I felt something was just not right. He was acting strange, I felt lies were being told, ya know just randomness that usually didnt happen. Soooo, I began to snoop. email accounts were first...i found emails from a listing on craigslist...opened it and I was SHOCKED!!! so, then I went to craigslist.net, attempted to log in with what i figured his information was (as it was all pretty much the same as his email info). FLOORED is what I was once I logged in and found out that he had posted an ad for finding a man to panty play with!!! I had noticed that for months he had been wanting to do certain things with my panties and his privates, as well as learnin that he had even worn my panties under his work clothes to work. that wasnt eally a big deal since we had quite a funky sexual lifestyle anyway...swingers. But when I found this email and craigslisting, I was devistated. The emails that I found where of a man contacting him and them planning to meet up at a local joint while i was out of town. I knew my gut knew something!!! So, he was working nights at that point, I was at my aunts when I found all this out. I proceeded to print out ever email, the CL listing and I borrowed my aunts truck and drop to his job at 230 in the morning to confront him, 25 miles away. I was furious, devistated, in disbelief that this man, a man that said he would NEVER cheat on me or do the things that all my past ex's had done, Has ultimately potentially done the same thing they had. However it was much worse than I could have ever imagined, it was a guy he was wanting to cheat with!!! So I surprise him at work, he walks out of the bay, I slam the evidence into his chest and as what the F is this. He looks at it and immediately, his whole demeanor changed. His shoulders dropped, his head layed low, he walked away and sat down at the table outside. lit a smoke, and I just stood there staring at him, waiting. Long story shot, we sat and talked for hours. crying (me) him apologizing over and over and assuring me nothing happened.
I went home afterwards and left him sitting there. I still did not feel right, i didnt feel like he was telling me everything. So, again, the next day i took his work phone and began to go through his texst messages...i found personal messages from the guys that he had planned on meeting up with. so I threw it at him and asked WTF is this, youve been texting them!!! I told him if he has anything else he needs to tell me, he needed to do it right that very moment because if i found out anything else, EVER, we were done. he claimed he did not meet the guy, he got scared and felt horrible for even posting the ad. he felt sick and embarrassed.
I still, to this day do not know if he ever did. You may ask, why did i marry him after the fact...well quite frankly, he was amazing to me in every other possible way. and i understand people make mistakes....and it doesnt help that i strive very hard to be a kind and gentle person (where as I use to not be, I was super abusive with my first two husbands, as they were to me as well). But I loved this man with every ounce of my being and I still do. I dont trust him on a lot of issues, its taken me a long time to build trust back up on some issues...but I do try. I dont throw what he did in his face, Ive brought it up maybe twice/three times in 3 years. but thats it.
Sooooo, with all that being said, Everyone has a since of intuition and Gut feelings and when they get the best of you, 9-10 times, somethings not right and if you dig enough, you will find out what it is!!! so sorry this was so long and visual!!
 
#27 ·
well lets just say that I have a very strong intuition about things and my gut eats at me when i know something isnt right. Eats at me to the point of anxiety attacks and making myself sick. This happened to me almost 3 years ago, before H and i got married. we have been married for 2 years now. I felt something was just not right. He was acting strange, I felt lies were being told, ya know just randomness that usually didnt happen. Soooo, I began to snoop. email accounts were first...i found emails from a listing on craigslist...opened it and I was SHOCKED!!! so, then I went to craigslist.net, attempted to log in with what i figured his information was (as it was all pretty much the same as his email info). FLOORED is what I was once I logged in and found out that he had posted an ad for finding a man to panty play with!!! I had noticed that for months he had been wanting to do certain things with my panties and his privates, as well as learnin that he had even worn my panties under his work clothes to work. that wasnt eally a big deal since we had quite a funky sexual lifestyle anyway...swingers. But when I found this email and craigslisting, I was devistated. The emails that I found where of a man contacting him and them planning to meet up at a local joint while i was out of town. I knew my gut knew something!!! So, he was working nights at that point, I was at my aunts when I found all this out. I proceeded to print out ever email, the CL listing and I borrowed my aunts truck and drop to his job at 230 in the morning to confront him, 25 miles away. I was furious, devistated, in disbelief that this man, a man that said he would NEVER cheat on me or do the things that all my past ex's had done, Has ultimately potentially done the same thing they had. However it was much worse than I could have ever imagined, it was a guy he was wanting to cheat with!!! So I surprise him at work, he walks out of the bay, I slam the evidence into his chest and as what the F is this. He looks at it and immediately, his whole demeanor changed. His shoulders dropped, his head layed low, he walked away and sat down at the table outside. lit a smoke, and I just stood there staring at him, waiting. Long story shot, we sat and talked for hours. crying (me) him apologizing over and over and assuring me nothing happened.
I went home afterwards and left him sitting there. I still did not feel right, i didnt feel like he was telling me everything. So, again, the next day i took his work phone and began to go through his texst messages...i found personal messages from the guys that he had planned on meeting up with. so I threw it at him and asked WTF is this, youve been texting them!!! I told him if he has anything else he needs to tell me, he needed to do it right that very moment because if i found out anything else, EVER, we were done. he claimed he did not meet the guy, he got scared and felt horrible for even posting the ad. he felt sick and embarrassed.
I still, to this day do not know if he ever did. You may ask, why did i marry him after the fact...well quite frankly, he was amazing to me in every other possible way. and i understand people make mistakes....and it doesnt help that i strive very hard to be a kind and gentle person (where as I use to not be, I was super abusive with my first two husbands, as they were to me as well). But I loved this man with every ounce of my being and I still do. I dont trust him on a lot of issues, its taken me a long time to build trust back up on some issues...but I do try. I dont throw what he did in his face, Ive brought it up maybe twice/three times in 3 years. but thats it.
Sooooo, with all that being said, Everyone has a since of intuition and Gut feelings and when they get the best of you, 9-10 times, somethings not right and if you dig enough, you will find out what it is!!! so sorry this was so long and visual!!
You were concerned of extra marital stuff? :scratchhead:
 
#31 ·
I can't say mine was a gut feeling at all. I thought it was just a troubled marriage for the two years her affair was happening. But one weekend, she told me she wanted to drive to our vacation condo alone for some time to herself, and to do some shopping. That's when, for some reason, I finally got it, the gut feeling something wasn't right.

So, I put some spyware on her phone the night before she left and that started the ball rolling. I read their love texts to each other on the spyware website while she was down there. Ironically, she was being truthful and did go there alone.
 
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