well lets just say that I have a very strong intuition about things and my gut eats at me when i know something isnt right. Eats at me to the point of anxiety attacks and making myself sick. This happened to me almost 3 years ago, before H and i got married. we have been married for 2 years now. I felt something was just not right. He was acting strange, I felt lies were being told, ya know just randomness that usually didnt happen. Soooo, I began to snoop. email accounts were first...i found emails from a listing on craigslist...opened it and I was SHOCKED!!! so, then I went to craigslist.net, attempted to log in with what i figured his information was (as it was all pretty much the same as his email info). FLOORED is what I was once I logged in and found out that he had posted an ad for finding a man to panty play with!!! I had noticed that for months he had been wanting to do certain things with my panties and his privates, as well as learnin that he had even worn my panties under his work clothes to work. that wasnt eally a big deal since we had quite a funky sexual lifestyle anyway...swingers. But when I found this email and craigslisting, I was devistated. The emails that I found where of a man contacting him and them planning to meet up at a local joint while i was out of town. I knew my gut knew something!!! So, he was working nights at that point, I was at my aunts when I found all this out. I proceeded to print out ever email, the CL listing and I borrowed my aunts truck and drop to his job at 230 in the morning to confront him, 25 miles away. I was furious, devistated, in disbelief that this man, a man that said he would NEVER cheat on me or do the things that all my past ex's had done, Has ultimately potentially done the same thing they had. However it was much worse than I could have ever imagined, it was a guy he was wanting to cheat with!!! So I surprise him at work, he walks out of the bay, I slam the evidence into his chest and as what the F is this. He looks at it and immediately, his whole demeanor changed. His shoulders dropped, his head layed low, he walked away and sat down at the table outside. lit a smoke, and I just stood there staring at him, waiting. Long story shot, we sat and talked for hours. crying (me) him apologizing over and over and assuring me nothing happened.
I went home afterwards and left him sitting there. I still did not feel right, i didnt feel like he was telling me everything. So, again, the next day i took his work phone and began to go through his texst messages...i found personal messages from the guys that he had planned on meeting up with. so I threw it at him and asked WTF is this, youve been texting them!!! I told him if he has anything else he needs to tell me, he needed to do it right that very moment because if i found out anything else, EVER, we were done. he claimed he did not meet the guy, he got scared and felt horrible for even posting the ad. he felt sick and embarrassed.
I still, to this day do not know if he ever did. You may ask, why did i marry him after the fact...well quite frankly, he was amazing to me in every other possible way. and i understand people make mistakes....and it doesnt help that i strive very hard to be a kind and gentle person (where as I use to not be, I was super abusive with my first two husbands, as they were to me as well). But I loved this man with every ounce of my being and I still do. I dont trust him on a lot of issues, its taken me a long time to build trust back up on some issues...but I do try. I dont throw what he did in his face, Ive brought it up maybe twice/three times in 3 years. but thats it.
Sooooo, with all that being said, Everyone has a since of intuition and Gut feelings and when they get the best of you, 9-10 times, somethings not right and if you dig enough, you will find out what it is!!! so sorry this was so long and visual!!