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Guilt over leaving!!!

1770 Views 3 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  LockeCPM4
My h had a 3 year EA/PA, ended 3 years ago, we tried to work it out. He became verbally abusive this year. My kids were miserable and I couldn't take his abuse anymore. We did MC to no avail this year. Even our priest told me to leave. Since he would not leave I did. I told the kids, but not him. He was too erratic and I feared he would try to keep our youngest, and she was saying she'd rather not live, then live with the tension and stress in the home. I rented a condo in our same area. I have dd the majority of the time. Son, who is 20 stayed at the house. Both kids understood that things had to change. My problem is that I feel horrible guilt for 'leaving' the family home. I feel that my kids will always blame me for walking out. We are working on R and things have been much better. I will likely return soon, mostly due to my kids, partly due to h's changing behavior. Only I can't handle the guilt that I left. I keep thinking that a good mother would never have left her home. But I was getting physically sick from the name calling, yelling and accusations of hating him and wishing him dead.
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Would a good mother have stayed and allowed her children to see her destroyed by his verbal abuse? Would a good mother have stayed knowing that her daughter would rather not live than live with what was going on? You did what any good mother would do. You protected yourself and your daughter. You set a good example for your kids by leaving an abusive situation. Would you want your daughter to stay with a man who treated her like that? That's what she would have learned had you stayed, that its okay for a man to treat a woman that way.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, you have a lot to be proud of!
Thank you so much! I will keep re-reading your post.
I am sorry for what you have gone through. I am/was a lot like your husband in many ways. I was always paranoid about my W and other men, so I never gave her the trust she deserved. And after her EA with the neighbor I got way worse. I was constantly accusing her of cheating or looking for another man to leave me for and in the end she couldn't stand me anymore.

But in hindsight I realized that I was partly to blame in causing the very thing my stupid paranoia sought to prevent.

If your husband is truly remorseful and is showing you that he is truly trying to change, you might consider giving him another chance.

Us husbands can do and say some pretty stupid things from time to time. The difference is that the bad husbands never take any action to correct the bad behavior and to truly apologize for it, while the good husbands try everything in their power to break the cycle.

I hope that this all works out for the best for your whole family.
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