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HAPPINESS - What is happiness and how to be happy (By: Vadim Kotelnikov)

be yourself
love yourself
love others
be happy for others
realize your time will come for good things

do not be jealous- this will only lead to anger and resentment and push you towards desiring things you do not have and when you do not have these things it makes you angry which leads to an unhappy person.

stop chasing everything be happy for what you have, those who are always chasing something get what they wanted only to want something else its a never ending vicious cycle.

life is not a competition- If you think it is you will destroy yourself with constantly trying to out do others, you will develop a huge ego and talk about your superiority to build yourself up because you are afraid of being yourself, you are afraid of your emotions. Having to out do others and be better than others only shows a truly insecure person. So many of the people you who have things you desire are unhappy and will only destroy themselves because they are lacking happiness do not be jealous of that. You may desire a special someone to share your life with but if you can unlock the secret to life that is to happy and adopt this way of thinking than you can love others and become a truly good person putting yourself out there and you will surely find this person, also be sure to have gratitude.

if you continue to chase you are only putting off yourself from happiness you continue to say "once i get this" i will feel so "superior, so happy, so great so complete" once you get that you are onto needing something else and until you get that you feel sad for yourself you develop anger, resentment and you do not appreciate the life you have or the good people and things that are around you. Often those who are always chasing things develop a massive ego and have to tell themselves they are so great or act out and put others down this is all the result of a person who is unhappy. A happy person does not need to do this they get nothing out of talking themselves up or putting others down.


i find to be happy you must eliminate the "i am superior, i am better than you, i am better than ___ % of the world etc," you must admit your faults and realize you are vulnerable in many ways but willing to help others and give love. Only when you can do away with trying to compete with everyone can you be content and happy. The people who are always happy are not the ones with tons of material items or the ones who find success at certain things they are the people who make the best of everything, help others and have a heart filled with love wishing to give that love to others and can love themselves for who they truly are these people meet other happy people and put themselves out there more. These are the people who have successful marriages and happy lives because they find other people like them they do not deal with the disease that is unhappiness and all that comes with it i.e. (anger, resentment, jealousy).



I decided to post this because it seems a lot of people could use some encouragement.
 

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Throw that all out the window in a sexless marriage. For me at least its destroyed 10% on my brain that's kept and endless loop of wtf...pretty sure that part had happy in it.

Happy works when someone isn't holding your primary need hostage.

OP... might work for others but sometimes the situation dictates how happy one can be.
 

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Your philosophy for happiness is ok for say a Buddhist Monk, but for the rest of us?

We have to work and earn a living to get what we want out of our life.

And along with that comes competition and all the emotions associated with being human.


I think you have an incorrect understanding of what jealousy is.


What you talk of is envy. Wanting things others have. Even envy can be very positive, motivating. The downside of a lack of envy is the person who actually has nothing, done nothing in their life to accrue belongings, like a home, a pension, furniture, car etc. etc. The homeless person "I'm really Happy living on the street. Look at all those people with their fine homes, they're never happy!".


Jealousy is the fear of loss of something you love deeply, treasure and value enormously in your life. If you’ve never worked hard to obtain something, looked after it, loved it, watched it blossom and grow then you will indeed never feel jealous but at the same time never have achieved much by taking on the competition and over coming.


I wonder if happiness can ever be obtained by avoiding achievements in life? The “I’ve got nothing. But I’m Happy!”.
 

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it resonates well with me OP and most of it is how I live.

Throw that all out the window in a sexless marriage. For me at least its destroyed 10% on my brain that's kept and endless loop of wtf...pretty sure that part had happy in it.

Happy works when someone isn't holding your primary need hostage.

OP... might work for others but sometimes the situation dictates how happy one can be.
After I ending my sexless marriage and spending some time healing and learning how to take responsibility for the life I helped to create, I am now extremely happy. Then I met my new partner by accident and am even happier.
 

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it resonates well with me OP and most of it is how I live.



After I ending my sexless marriage and spending some time healing and learning how to take responsibility for the life I helped to create, I am now extremely happy. Then I met my new partner by accident and am even happier.
Agree I can choose to end my marriage to "get" happier. My wife chose again to stay on the marriage path (rather than divorce/separation)... so she has "some" time left to figure out what she is willing to do to get her head out of the sand and face the elephant in the room.

She loves me an I love her... she is 100% in the wrong she needs to drop the "grudge"

Things need resolved in a "reasonable time frame" if I leave her it will be because that did not happen... I will not let it drag out over four years. She knows that.

I won't leave her over sex... I'll leave her over not dealing with the issue head on and not keeping me in the loop about her progress. She would not accept that behavior in any part of her life...neither do I.

She picked the wrong guy to pull this stuff on. I don't like to lose.
She started it I'm finishing it... and correcting my Marriage 100%.
To get happy again.
 

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Thanks for the reminder OP - that book and another called "Being Happy" are 2 of my favorites and through their advice I have found that happiness really is possible no matter WHAT your circumstances!

One of my favorite quotes from the book Being Happy is - "Happiness is not a destination, it isn't something to be reached because you are in the right place, surrounded by the right people, with the perfect set of circumstances. Happiness is a state of mind, a state of being, and anyone can have it anywhere, any time, surrounded by any circumstances."

Another line from that book that resonates with me so strongly is that if we give someone else the responsibility for our happiness, ie, I would be happy if only Mrs A would give me what I want, then that person also holds the power to destroy our happiness whether intentionally or unintentionally. I alone am responsible for my own state of being, whether happiness or misery.
 

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Throw that all out the window in a sexless marriage. For me at least its destroyed 10% on my brain that's kept and endless loop of wtf...pretty sure that part had happy in it.

Happy works when someone isn't holding your primary need hostage.

OP... might work for others but sometimes the situation dictates how happy one can be.
you could always leave her. You will not always get what you want and you can easily turn your life around do not stay fixated on wanting her if she wont be there for you. You deserve someone better.

Your philosophy for happiness is ok for say a Buddhist Monk, but for the rest of us?

I wonder if happiness can ever be obtained by avoiding achievements in life? The “I’ve got nothing. But I’m Happy!”.
Those Buddhist monks are right not only for themselves but for others.

i think you missed what i was trying to say in the thread. Also who say's you cannot work and be happy? life is not all about achievements that thinking right there is what makes people unhappy so often. The type of thinking you are talking about has missed what i tried to explain or what was explained in the link.

it resonates well with me OP and most of it is how I live.



After I ending my sexless marriage and spending some time healing and learning how to take responsibility for the life I helped to create, I am now extremely happy. Then I met my new partner by accident and am even happier.
:)

nice you seem to understand
 

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Throw that all out the window in a sexless marriage. For me at least its destroyed 10% on my brain that's kept and endless loop of wtf...pretty sure that part had happy in it.

Happy works when someone isn't holding your primary need hostage.

OP... might work for others but sometimes the situation dictates how happy one can be.
Yep, I am right there with you brother. Drop the grudge is exactly it, I don't know how many times I have told her that this isn't a competition.

I hate the wtf loop, I go from blaming myself to saying lets work on it but only to get pushed away then go to blaming her and on the edge of filing for divorce then reading some marriage advice/books only to start blaming myself again. Seriously I have been in this loop for so long I can now say "oh I am here again".
 

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Marry the right person. it will determine 90% of your happiness or misery!

For me, being in a unhappy marriage, being self-employed, it is effecting my business. Yes, I could blam the economy and that is part of it. Being that I don't feel the love at home, I feel sad and it shows when I am around all people everywhere.

I know, I should be grateful with what I do have. I do understand the gratitude theory. I could fake it for just so long.
 
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