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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited by Moderator)
Saturday. I get to go to the wedding of my wife's ex's granddaughter. His whole family will be there..... you know, the one who she would have married if he weren't a pot-head deadbeat.

Wife is so excited...... she said "we are finally going out together"..... I wanted to say, " yes, but where ? And what am I going to do other than stand in a corner and try to be as inconspicuous as possible..... while you talk about all the ways in which your ex was this, that, the other thing, and if you had such a ****ing good life with him, why the hell don't you find the door and go back there ? "

I would rather take a damned cold-water enema. I am going to feel like crap for the entire weekend. Besides that, I have my appliance function to fulfill.....
 

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Saturday. I get to go to the wedding of my wife's ex's granddaughter. His whole family will be there..... you know, the one who she would have married if he weren't a pot-head deadbeat.

Wife is so excited...... she said "we are finally going out together"..... I wanted to say, " yes, but where ? And what am I going to do other than stand in a corner and try to be as inconspicuous as possible..... while you talk about all the ways in which your ex was this, that, the other thing, and if you had such a phucking good life with him, why the hell don't you find the door and go back there ? "

I would rather take a damned cold-water enema. I am going to feel like crap for the entire weekend. Besides that, I have my appliance function to fulfill.....
Why would you be going? Better yet, why is your W going? If you are stuck going, be the best you that you can be. Direct the conversation away from the ex. There is so much more to talk about in life other than the ex. You are already sinking the ship before it sails!
 

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Saturday. I get to go to the wedding of my wife's ex's granddaughter. His whole family will be there..... you know, the one who she would have married if he weren't a pot-head deadbeat.

Wife is so excited...... she said "we are finally going out together"..... I wanted to say, " yes, but where ? And what am I going to do other than stand in a corner and try to be as inconspicuous as possible..... while you talk about all the ways in which your ex was this, that, the other thing, and if you had such a phucking good life with him, why the hell don't you find the door and go back there ? "

I would rather take a damned cold-water enema. I am going to feel like crap for the entire weekend. Besides that, I have my appliance function to fulfill.....
I wouldn't be going and neither would my wife if she wanted to stay married.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Why the hell are you even going?!?
I really don't know the answer to that. One "side" of me knows that she had a long relationship to her ex and was close to her family. I feel very bad for her, she and our daughter were very close, and she hardly sees our daughter's child anymore, they moved away after daughter's death...... the other side of me wants to stay the hell home and let her go if she wants....

I know she would be really upset if I stayed home.... this is what I can't figure out.....what's in this for her......why does she want me there ?
 

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I really don't know the answer to that. One "side" of me knows that she had a long relationship to her ex and was close to her family. I feel very bad for her, she and our daughter were very close, and she hardly sees our daughter's child anymore, they moved away after daughter's death...... the other side of me wants to stay the hell home and let her go if she wants....

I know she would be really upset if I stayed home.... this is what I can't figure out.....what's in this for her......why does she want me there ?
Well, the grand daughter feels highly enough of your W to ask her to her special day. Staying the hell home does not support your W nor the young lady getting married. Understand it is the grand daughters day. Make it that. Put on your Sunday best and smile. It will all be over in 4-5 hours.
 

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I really don't know the answer to that. One "side" of me knows that she had a long relationship to her ex and was close to her family. I feel very bad for her, she and our daughter were very close, and she hardly sees our daughter's child anymore, they moved away after daughter's death...... the other side of me wants to stay the hell home and let her go if she wants....

I know she would be really upset if I stayed home.... this is what I can't figure out.....what's in this for her......why does she want me there ?
" yes, but where ? And what am I going to do other than stand in a corner and try to be as inconspicuous as possible..... while you talk about all the ways in which your ex was this, that, the other thing, and if you had such a phucking good life with him, why the hell don't you find the door and go back there ? "

I am not familiar with your story but, and I am just taking this as its written, if she has actually said these things too you then it seems to me that she is disrespecting you by asking you to go or being mad if you don't go.
 

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She wants you to go so her ex won't think she's a loser who can't get a man.

By going, you are enabling her childish fantasy of 'what if?'. You are giving her the green light to continue dwelling on the guy because you are apparently ok with going to the wedding of the granddaughter of the love of her life.

Stop disrespecting yourself and maybe she'll stop disrespecting you. Seriously, you're a glutton for punishment. All you have to say is "Don't know them, don't want to know them and not going.".
 

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I wouldn't be going and neither would my wife if she wanted to stay married.
Lest we forget...

Our good friend, yes he is good, our TJW....

He is very fragile, physically.
Mentally, he is very agile, yet, realistically, for how long?

My hope, it will be longer than his wife's cruel heart beats.
No, I take that back.

I hope that she will, one day, be at someone's else mercy.
Shown someone else's disdain, and disrespect.

Yes, that.

This woman is wedded to her past, not here in the present.

I doubt this will happen, her number will be called in her next life.
In her next life doing that wondering.... Why me?
 

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She wants you to go so her ex won't think she's a loser who can't get a man.

By going, you are enabling her childish fantasy of 'what if?'. You are giving her the green light to continue dwelling on the guy because you are apparently ok with going to the wedding of the granddaughter of the love of her life.

Stop disrespecting yourself and maybe she'll stop disrespecting you. Seriously, you're a glutton for punishment. All you have to say is "Don't know them, don't want to know them and not going.".
And if it was a work function. I don't know them I"m not going. This is not a supportive response. I know the OP has martial problems this would do nothing to help with them.

Now if she wants to talk about her ex the whole time, I'd put my foot down. But this is a child she with whom she was close. She was invited to see that young woman commit herself to a marriage. The focus should be on the relationship with the child and the marriage.

If she wasn't close then sending a gift would be appropriate.

Further the wife is excited about going out with the OP. He should view this like a date and work to create a better bond with his wife. How about a special flower delivered to the house before you go. Dancing at the wedding. Telling her how beautiful she looks. Talking about the day they got married. This is an opportunity.

Why would he waste such an opportunity?
 

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And if it was a work function. I don't know them I"m not going. This is not a supportive response. I know the OP has martial problems this would do nothing to help with them.

Now if she wants to talk about her ex the whole time, I'd put my foot down. But this is a child she with whom she was close. She was invited to see that young woman commit herself to a marriage. The focus should be on the relationship with the child and the marriage.

If she wasn't close then sending a gift would be appropriate.

Further the wife is excited about going out with the OP. He should view this like a date and work to create a better bond with his wife. How about a special flower delivered to the house before you go. Dancing at the wedding. Telling her how beautiful she looks. Talking about the day they got married. This is an opportunity.

Why would he waste such an opportunity?
I don't think you're aware of the OP's situation.

Regardless, my wife isn't going to be playing family with any exes families or she can bloody well stay once she gets there.
 

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You know, it could be a great opportunity.......to play sicky on the wedding day, make her go with herself, and that will give you enough time to clear out all of her stuff and change the door locks.
 

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I don't think you're aware of the OP's situation.

Regardless, my wife isn't going to be playing family with any exes families or she can bloody well stay once she gets there.
While I haven't read everything. I am aware that he and his wife do not get along well. However, you either try to improve things or you divorce. He seems that he will not divorce so why not make the best of it?
 

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Discussion Starter #20 (Edited)
She’s going, as was said above by another poster, so that she doesn’t look like a complete loser. You’re going because she’ll make your life very difficult if you don’t.
I think you may be right. I am a "showpiece" so that, at least, she is not a complete loser, she wound up with "plan B". Well, by God, all of you folks now learn what a plan B, provide-better, stupid fool looks like. Better get a good look, because I'm getting close to "end of"....the next time you see her, it will likely be with "plan C", because "plan A" is now doddering in a rest home. And @SunCMars is right about "fragile, physically".

And, you're right. I'm going because I don't want to hear about it for the next 3 years.

He should view this like a date and work to create a better bond with his wife.
I view this like a total and complete waste of my time. Time that would be far better spent making money to pay off all the impatient, self-serving debts she made. Continuing the ride of the pack mule......

I know, Avis "tries harder"..... well, guess what, I'm sick of "trying harder", because I will never become "plan A", no matter what I do. This requirement for me to go to this function, is basically her way of "rubbing my nose in it". Opportunity ? For what ?
 
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