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Hi. I posted a few times and got some good advice regarding my marriage. Very long story short, been married 24 years, 2 great kids, 2 fulfilling careers (I stayed at home for many years though). But my husband said I made him unhappy for many years because I put him on the back burner. He said he wants to remain married but he can't get over "what I did to him" and our sexual intimacy has dramatically decreased, according to him because that's the way I made it.

We have been to counseling, both individual and together trying to resolve this mess. The last session I attended alone and the counselor says that I should be able to state some of my needs to my husband. Heretofore, I have not seen any indication that he wants in the marriage, other than he is in it. Counselor also said that it's unhealthy but he does not think my husband will ever say differently, that is that I caused his unhappiness, etc. What the counselor DOES think is that if I just don't discuss it (my husband does not like me to bring this up), that the issue will eventually go away. And, of course, my husband should meet some of my needs along the way. One of my needs will be not to blame me anymore. Privately, he will but if it is not discussed, out of sight, out of mind I guess.

Knowing my husband, I think the couneslor is somewhat right. However, it leaves me in a bad place for 2 reasons. First, when your husband of 24 years said I had caused his unhappiness and he will believe that 100% it kind of takes the wind out of your sails. I keep thinking why am I with this man if he feels that way. Second, his lack of interest of me as a woman hurts very badly. Of course, he says that's because of my lack of interest all these years and this is where we are at. Then he says, he wants us to get to what we once we. Then, if I try to do something he gets very upset and says I'm a hypocrite for trying. As a consequence, on the rare occasion he is interested, I am getting very resentful. I am in a difficult position right now. My school is laying off half its staff for next year and I'm not sure who'll be in the cut. Also, my younger daughter has health needs right now and she needs us both. I guess, for the time being I'm going to stick this out for those reasons but it's a bitter pill to swallow.

My question is, do other people just "grin and bear it" in marriage for the kids or finances?
 
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