Your title says it all...."Just walk away" and file for divorce. It doesn't sound like he respects you or values you as his wife and partner . Sexless marriage....Go and make yourself happy.
Grieving walk away wife
I posted here years back. I got together w my husband at 18, married at 29 when we already had kids. I am now 46. Kids are grown, one lives at home (24). My husband I've learned is passive aggressive. He gets "off the tableitis" a term I learned from the book "too good to leave too bad to stay." He has ensured my name is not on our house or my car. Everything is a silent battle with him. Even sex which he does not want even when I'm offering anything he wants and no he doesn't have low T and he may give it up 2-3 times a year and no I'm not a hose beast and yes I tell him I want him and he's hot so shhh about that please.
Last year I was so lonely. Like cry myself to sleep lonely. I am a physical person and got a kiss goodbye and a hug hello every day from him and God I was dying. I went out and got a little dog. I loved her, he loved her. I did training classes and we were starting canine good citizen. Her worst thing was recall. I threw her a birthday party. My last dog was hit, we live on a busy road. I asked if he would pick up that faux wrought iron fencing at Lowe's. For around the door. I work I had the money. He has a truck. He dug his heels in and said no it would impede our view I begged. BEGGED. But his decisions have always been the last word my whole life. He put a lead on a tree for me to train her. Last Sunday I was putting her on it and she got away from me. My right thumb/wrist were damaged years back and punching motions are bad and I've had a laminectomy diskectomy which the pain was acting up, I was on a steroid run the week before...well it was my fault. I lost hold of her. She ran into the rd. I ran after her. She died I fainted. I wanted to die. I lost it. In the ER my blood pressure was very high. They asked what happened and I said "I need to leave my husband"
I can't imagine my life without this Velcro dog. I can't breathe. I know my spouse is Passive Aggressive why did I not just order it and do it myself? My kids 24-26 came to the ER. I saw them. I refused to see my H. He texted he loved her too and he is sorry. I responded "You have your lake view and I have nothing" I blocked his calls and deleted my social media which is ALL photos of my sweet dog. I went to my son's apartment and stayed two nights then went to a single female friends house. Another friend and her husband are taking me in this weekend.
This last year with my heart dog, even with all the stress, my mom died in March....was the best year I've had since my kids were little. I felt loved and happy and I could just go to the dog park or train her and I felt alive again.
I can't speak to him. IDK what I'm going to do. Our house is falling apart, the basement stair wall is collapsing, broken windows, it's bad and he has in typical passive aggressive fashion refused to discuss repairs or allocate funds for it. He is not a bad person but something is fn wrong w him.
We live in a small town. I have close single woman friends in 3 other states I can go stay w. I have a job here that relies on me a lot right now. I know I need to leave him. Even my kids tell me. I just feel so adrift. I didn't cry when my mom died but I can't stop now.
He has told the kids I'll get over it I need time. I feel I'll fall back into the routine if I go back. I'm kind of a good little soldier. I did open a bank account and set up my own payroll direct deposit (we have a joint I cut that card up).
How do I do this? I can't breath. I'm so scared. I'm realizing how indoctrinated I am. And I'm worried he won't take his blood pressure and cholesterol meds. I'm hoping he gets someone new in there soon....he has all his teeth, a job and a house so he's hot **** in our town. Wtf is wrong w me? Should I move 3k miles away? Should I get a tiny apartment in this town I don't want to stay in because my job is here?
How do women leave and survive leaving the home they made behind?
Omg I'm a mess. I miss my dog so much my soul hurts. How could I have let that happen why was I so confident I had that collar tight.
-Lakesparrow
Last year I was so lonely. Like cry myself to sleep lonely. I am a physical person and got a kiss goodbye and a hug hello every day from him and God I was dying. I went out and got a little dog. I loved her, he loved her. I did training classes and we were starting canine good citizen. Her worst thing was recall. I threw her a birthday party. My last dog was hit, we live on a busy road. I asked if he would pick up that faux wrought iron fencing at Lowe's. For around the door. I work I had the money. He has a truck. He dug his heels in and said no it would impede our view I begged. BEGGED. But his decisions have always been the last word my whole life. He put a lead on a tree for me to train her. Last Sunday I was putting her on it and she got away from me. My right thumb/wrist were damaged years back and punching motions are bad and I've had a laminectomy diskectomy which the pain was acting up, I was on a steroid run the week before...well it was my fault. I lost hold of her. She ran into the rd. I ran after her. She died I fainted. I wanted to die. I lost it. In the ER my blood pressure was very high. They asked what happened and I said "I need to leave my husband"
I can't imagine my life without this Velcro dog. I can't breathe. I know my spouse is Passive Aggressive why did I not just order it and do it myself? My kids 24-26 came to the ER. I saw them. I refused to see my H. He texted he loved her too and he is sorry. I responded "You have your lake view and I have nothing" I blocked his calls and deleted my social media which is ALL photos of my sweet dog. I went to my son's apartment and stayed two nights then went to a single female friends house. Another friend and her husband are taking me in this weekend.
This last year with my heart dog, even with all the stress, my mom died in March....was the best year I've had since my kids were little. I felt loved and happy and I could just go to the dog park or train her and I felt alive again.
I can't speak to him. IDK what I'm going to do. Our house is falling apart, the basement stair wall is collapsing, broken windows, it's bad and he has in typical passive aggressive fashion refused to discuss repairs or allocate funds for it. He is not a bad person but something is fn wrong w him.
We live in a small town. I have close single woman friends in 3 other states I can go stay w. I have a job here that relies on me a lot right now. I know I need to leave him. Even my kids tell me. I just feel so adrift. I didn't cry when my mom died but I can't stop now.
He has told the kids I'll get over it I need time. I feel I'll fall back into the routine if I go back. I'm kind of a good little soldier. I did open a bank account and set up my own payroll direct deposit (we have a joint I cut that card up).
How do I do this? I can't breath. I'm so scared. I'm realizing how indoctrinated I am. And I'm worried he won't take his blood pressure and cholesterol meds. I'm hoping he gets someone new in there soon....he has all his teeth, a job and a house so he's hot **** in our town. Wtf is wrong w me? Should I move 3k miles away? Should I get a tiny apartment in this town I don't want to stay in because my job is here?
How do women leave and survive leaving the home they made behind?
Omg I'm a mess. I miss my dog so much my soul hurts. How could I have let that happen why was I so confident I had that collar tight.
-Lakesparrow
1 - 20 of 26 Posts
I'm sorry sorry to hear about your dog. Certain pets just make their mark on a person's soul. They are sunshine and joy.
It sounds like this tragic event has given you the push you needed to step outside your husband's orbit, an orbit that wasn't working for you and hasn't for a long time. Start rebuilding who you are at your core, separate from him. Get counseling. Do things you love. Read books about women thriving after divorce. Start imagining the life you can lead now, one that revolves around your desires, hopes, and dreams. Heck, create a vision board and bedazzle it.
Why not go on a trip to visit your friend and imagine what it might be like to live there? Take a baby step. Jobs are everywhere. You can reinvent yourself. Don't stay someplace you don't want to live just because of a job. Don't stay with someone who doesn't make you happy just because of fear.
Girlfriend, there is a whole wonderful and awe-inspiring world out there. Choose happiness.
It sounds like this tragic event has given you the push you needed to step outside your husband's orbit, an orbit that wasn't working for you and hasn't for a long time. Start rebuilding who you are at your core, separate from him. Get counseling. Do things you love. Read books about women thriving after divorce. Start imagining the life you can lead now, one that revolves around your desires, hopes, and dreams. Heck, create a vision board and bedazzle it.
Why not go on a trip to visit your friend and imagine what it might be like to live there? Take a baby step. Jobs are everywhere. You can reinvent yourself. Don't stay someplace you don't want to live just because of a job. Don't stay with someone who doesn't make you happy just because of fear.
Girlfriend, there is a whole wonderful and awe-inspiring world out there. Choose happiness.
Basically, it's all up to you to decide how to live your life, whether that's continuing to live the miserable life that so far you have allowed to live, or muster the courage to break free from this sick relationship and start a new life free of it. But, like I said before, it's all up to you which path to follow.
Ride away as well as you write-away.
Your needs are in your words, your answers are in your, enacting them.
You got it, now do it.
Sparrows live, but a few years.
Fly away from your worst, to your soon-to-be better years.
Waste not, that what is left, that which awaits you.
Your needs are in your words, your answers are in your, enacting them.
You got it, now do it.
Sparrows live, but a few years.
Fly away from your worst, to your soon-to-be better years.
Waste not, that what is left, that which awaits you.
Even though the house and other assets are in his name only, you still have a valid claim to about half the value. And he’d probably have to pay you spousal support for a number of years. If you mention divorce he will naturally say that you’ll get nothing from him and you’ll be out on the street but he’s in for a harsh reality check. See if you can get a free attorney consult and ge an idea of how you’d make out.
Miss, be good to yourself! I know how hard it is to lose a furry baby! I've had to dig 5 holes in my yard
you will get better. Just continue to have the courage and strength of conviction to finally choose to be happy! You've done your job at raising your children. You've been that dutiful wife you thought was required. Yet you feel so alone. You can find other jobs. You can enjoy friendships. You can finally make that life you want.
It starts right here. Right now. Positivity in thinking and actions! You've already started. Being scared of the unknown is normal, but go with that unknown, its holds many new and wonderful surprises!!! There really is someone, that doent know yet, that you are their next beautiful person in their life! Be at peace and grieve the loss of Sparrow.
Also if you have time, it might help you to look up @WoundedWifes story and read, maybe reach out to her. Blessings.
you will get better. Just continue to have the courage and strength of conviction to finally choose to be happy! You've done your job at raising your children. You've been that dutiful wife you thought was required. Yet you feel so alone. You can find other jobs. You can enjoy friendships. You can finally make that life you want.It starts right here. Right now. Positivity in thinking and actions! You've already started. Being scared of the unknown is normal, but go with that unknown, its holds many new and wonderful surprises!!! There really is someone, that doent know yet, that you are their next beautiful person in their life! Be at peace and grieve the loss of Sparrow.
Also if you have time, it might help you to look up @WoundedWifes story and read, maybe reach out to her. Blessings.
You need to divorce your husband and go get yourself a couple of dogs and work and take care of yourself and I'm pretty sure you would do it better than he's doing it. I'm a dog lover and would never ever put up with that sort of crap from someone but you are right that you know what he's like so you probably should have just done it yourself or hired it done. That's not to make you feel guilty but just to wake you up that you cannot depend on him. Losing a pet and be very traumatic and especially when it's lost in such a way.I posted here years back. I got together w my husband at 18, married at 29 when we already had kids. I am now 46. Kids are grown, one lives at home (24). My husband I've learned is passive aggressive. He gets "off the tableitis" a term I learned from the book "too good to leave too bad to stay." He has ensured my name is not on our house or my car. Everything is a silent battle with him. Even sex which he does not want even when I'm offering anything he wants and no he doesn't have low T and he may give it up 2-3 times a year and no I'm not a hose beast and yes I tell him I want him and he's hot so shhh about that please.
Last year I was so lonely. Like cry myself to sleep lonely. I am a physical person and got a kiss goodbye and a hug hello every day from him and God I was dying. I went out and got a little dog. I loved her, he loved her. I did training classes and we were starting canine good citizen. Her worst thing was recall. I threw her a birthday party. My last dog was hit, we live on a busy road. I asked if he would pick up that faux wrought iron fencing at Lowe's. For around the door. I work I had the money. He has a truck. He dug his heels in and said no it would impede our view I begged. BEGGED. But his decisions have always been the last word my whole life. He put a lead on a tree for me to train her. Last Sunday I was putting her on it and she got away from me. My right thumb/wrist were damaged years back and punching motions are bad and I've had a laminectomy diskectomy which the pain was acting up, I was on a steroid run the week before...well it was my fault. I lost hold of her. She ran into the rd. I ran after her. She died I fainted. I wanted to die. I lost it. In the ER my blood pressure was very high. They asked what happened and I said "I need to leave my husband"
I can't imagine my life without this Velcro dog. I can't breathe. I know my spouse is Passive Aggressive why did I not just order it and do it myself? My kids 24-26 came to the ER. I saw them. I refused to see my H. He texted he loved her too and he is sorry. I responded "You have your lake view and I have nothing" I blocked his calls and deleted my social media which is ALL photos of my sweet dog. I went to my son's apartment and stayed two nights then went to a single female friends house. Another friend and her husband are taking me in this weekend.
This last year with my heart dog, even with all the stress, my mom died in March....was the best year I've had since my kids were little. I felt loved and happy and I could just go to the dog park or train her and I felt alive again.
I can't speak to him. IDK what I'm going to do. Our house is falling apart, the basement stair wall is collapsing, broken windows, it's bad and he has in typical passive aggressive fashion refused to discuss repairs or allocate funds for it. He is not a bad person but something is fn wrong w him.
We live in a small town. I have close single woman friends in 3 other states I can go stay w. I have a job here that relies on me a lot right now. I know I need to leave him. Even my kids tell me. I just feel so adrift. I didn't cry when my mom died but I can't stop now.
He has told the kids I'll get over it I need time. I feel I'll fall back into the routine if I go back. I'm kind of a good little soldier. I did open a bank account and set up my own payroll direct deposit (we have a joint I cut that card up).
How do I do this? I can't breath. I'm so scared. I'm realizing how indoctrinated I am. And I'm worried he won't take his blood pressure and cholesterol meds. I'm hoping he gets someone new in there soon....he has all his teeth, a job and a house so he's hot **** in our town. Wtf is wrong w me? Should I move 3k miles away? Should I get a tiny apartment in this town I don't want to stay in because my job is here?
How do women leave and survive leaving the home they made behind?
Omg I'm a mess. I miss my dog so much my soul hurts. How could I have let that happen why was I so confident I had that collar tight.
-Lakesparrow
You already know you get more love and loyalty out of a dog than you do your husband so I don't know why you're staying.
You can only control what you can control. Don't sweat the rest.
But you surely are in control of who you are with everyday.
Just pull the trigger on the first steps of the process, it won't happen overnight, but it won't happen at all if you don't get started.
Your happiness in life is your responsiblity, not anyone else's. Sometimes you have make tough decisions and do things that are not enjoyable to get to happiness. It is time to take action.
But you surely are in control of who you are with everyday.
Just pull the trigger on the first steps of the process, it won't happen overnight, but it won't happen at all if you don't get started.
Your happiness in life is your responsiblity, not anyone else's. Sometimes you have make tough decisions and do things that are not enjoyable to get to happiness. It is time to take action.
Heart-breaking story. I've lost a few furry friends myself. Keep grieving and walk away, wife.
Time helps in the grieving process (I lost one eight weeks ago this weekend and I’m slowly getting better) but all the time in the world is unlikely to help your marriage. Move on and create a better life.
You MAY want to consult a few lawyers just to understand what it would look like for you financially, etc...
Thanks for the thoughtful responses. I feel like half of myself without my little sidekick. I can't bring myself to engage w my husband at all. I tried to set up counseling....I work in the SPMI field so it is weird as I work around the therapists I could see. So maybe they'll take me maybe not.
Im realizing I've spent 28 years trying to anticipate his needs....and I really didn't mind it. I got annoyed when he's say "we gotta do these dishes" or "I'm gonna be out of clean work shirts soon" because it really meant for me to take care of it, but he can honestly say he never TOLD me to do it. I was trained, my mental load never ended; checking his hygiene supplies and laundry hamper to keep up when I work full time...nuts. but I did that and the landscaping and home repairs "the toilets running, we're gonna need to replace the float"
I cannot imagine for the life of me men who clean a toilet or don't leave a fallen tree on the garage for over a year. The last blissfully loving year with my dog gave me such joy that I just didn't care. Now I'm so broken I am couch surfing and my heart is hammering and I can't eat or sleep.
Sorry all I'm losing it in no small way.
Im realizing I've spent 28 years trying to anticipate his needs....and I really didn't mind it. I got annoyed when he's say "we gotta do these dishes" or "I'm gonna be out of clean work shirts soon" because it really meant for me to take care of it, but he can honestly say he never TOLD me to do it. I was trained, my mental load never ended; checking his hygiene supplies and laundry hamper to keep up when I work full time...nuts. but I did that and the landscaping and home repairs "the toilets running, we're gonna need to replace the float"
I cannot imagine for the life of me men who clean a toilet or don't leave a fallen tree on the garage for over a year. The last blissfully loving year with my dog gave me such joy that I just didn't care. Now I'm so broken I am couch surfing and my heart is hammering and I can't eat or sleep.
Sorry all I'm losing it in no small way.
He does not love you cause if he did he would be concerned about the things that concern you. He is using you. Maybe he is more than passive aggressive, sounds like he has no empathy at all , saying that you will get over it. He could be a narcissist. If your grown kids are telling you to leave him, then obviously they know what he is like and see the damage he has done. You are trauma bonded to this man, this is not love. The good news is you can break the trauma bonds, go no contact for a while till you get him out of your system, get some counselling also. Go see a lawyer and get your ducks in a row, take that leap.I posted here years back. I got together w my husband at 18, married at 29 when we already had kids. I am now 46. Kids are grown, one lives at home (24). My husband I've learned is passive aggressive. He gets "off the tableitis" a term I learned from the book "too good to leave too bad to stay." He has ensured my name is not on our house or my car. Everything is a silent battle with him. Even sex which he does not want even when I'm offering anything he wants and no he doesn't have low T and he may give it up 2-3 times a year and no I'm not a hose beast and yes I tell him I want him and he's hot so shhh about that please.
Last year I was so lonely. Like cry myself to sleep lonely. I am a physical person and got a kiss goodbye and a hug hello every day from him and God I was dying. I went out and got a little dog. I loved her, he loved her. I did training classes and we were starting canine good citizen. Her worst thing was recall. I threw her a birthday party. My last dog was hit, we live on a busy road. I asked if he would pick up that faux wrought iron fencing at Lowe's. For around the door. I work I had the money. He has a truck. He dug his heels in and said no it would impede our view I begged. BEGGED. But his decisions have always been the last word my whole life. He put a lead on a tree for me to train her. Last Sunday I was putting her on it and she got away from me. My right thumb/wrist were damaged years back and punching motions are bad and I've had a laminectomy diskectomy which the pain was acting up, I was on a steroid run the week before...well it was my fault. I lost hold of her. She ran into the rd. I ran after her. She died I fainted. I wanted to die. I lost it. In the ER my blood pressure was very high. They asked what happened and I said "I need to leave my husband"
I can't imagine my life without this Velcro dog. I can't breathe. I know my spouse is Passive Aggressive why did I not just order it and do it myself? My kids 24-26 came to the ER. I saw them. I refused to see my H. He texted he loved her too and he is sorry. I responded "You have your lake view and I have nothing" I blocked his calls and deleted my social media which is ALL photos of my sweet dog. I went to my son's apartment and stayed two nights then went to a single female friends house. Another friend and her husband are taking me in this weekend.
This last year with my heart dog, even with all the stress, my mom died in March....was the best year I've had since my kids were little. I felt loved and happy and I could just go to the dog park or train her and I felt alive again.
I can't speak to him. IDK what I'm going to do. Our house is falling apart, the basement stair wall is collapsing, broken windows, it's bad and he has in typical passive aggressive fashion refused to discuss repairs or allocate funds for it. He is not a bad person but something is fn wrong w him.
We live in a small town. I have close single woman friends in 3 other states I can go stay w. I have a job here that relies on me a lot right now. I know I need to leave him. Even my kids tell me. I just feel so adrift. I didn't cry when my mom died but I can't stop now.
He has told the kids I'll get over it I need time. I feel I'll fall back into the routine if I go back. I'm kind of a good little soldier. I did open a bank account and set up my own payroll direct deposit (we have a joint I cut that card up).
How do I do this? I can't breath. I'm so scared. I'm realizing how indoctrinated I am. And I'm worried he won't take his blood pressure and cholesterol meds. I'm hoping he gets someone new in there soon....he has all his teeth, a job and a house so he's hot **** in our town. Wtf is wrong w me? Should I move 3k miles away? Should I get a tiny apartment in this town I don't want to stay in because my job is here?
How do women leave and survive leaving the home they made behind?
Omg I'm a mess. I miss my dog so much my soul hurts. How could I have let that happen why was I so confident I had that collar tight.
-Lakesparrow
Don't walk away run away.
There are videos on YouTube, etc of people watching tornadoes that are heading toward them. They really shouldn't be doing that, they should be evacuating.
As should you, flee from the glowering weather monster in your life.
Really sorry about your dog.
There are videos on YouTube, etc of people watching tornadoes that are heading toward them. They really shouldn't be doing that, they should be evacuating.
As should you, flee from the glowering weather monster in your life.
Really sorry about your dog.
My heart is so broken. I keep Holding it in until I'm alone and then I miss my little dog so much. And I feel so adrift. Still couch surfing. I got through his affair years back and that felt less awful than this. How is that even possible? My chest hurts. I can barely eat. I worked from 5:17am until 8:30 pm today to stop thinking about my weird none are perfect or comfortable options. I opened my messanger to answer ads for rooms for rent and he started messaging me. This is a man who barely looks at me and never wants seggs and never seems satisfied with what I do or how much I do so What the hell does he want? I don't want to talk. I've talked and talked and negotiated and begged for years. And the damned fence. The last thing I said to him was "you won." He was mad and wanted to know what that meant. I didn't say. But it meant "you got your way, over and over and over, about everything and I had no say for 28 years. And now it killed somebody. It killed the purest soul and that has almost killed me." I cannot stand the thought of discussing it or of him opening his mouth and defending any of it. I feel so very lonely and ****ed up. I was so lonely before my little dog. My actual heart aches. So what do I do next? I would just kill to snuggle my dog or just be held. It has been so many years since anybody wanted to hold me. So there I've spilled my guts. I can go into the office tomorrow and maybe hide that I feel like I've spent my whole adult life shoveling snow while it's still snowing convinced that all it took was hard work and hope and I could make everything good. And my stupid hope kept me there for all these years. WTH is wrong w me. Sorry I'm melting down here rather than in real life. I just tried so so hard to stay.
Well, if I could i would hug you and say it'll be alright! Just keep picking them up and putting them down. Its your time now to shine your light in this world. It will get better, just takes time. As soon as you can, find you a new fur baby to love again! You will find a way, find your way. The future is life, the past is dead and gone. Bury him now and celebrate a rebirth of you! Share with a friend. if you don't have one, then make one, hell make as many as you want or need! The sun will come up as sure as it will set each day. Remember any day above the dirt is a good day! Because if your above the dirt, then there's always a chance. Blessing and peace to you.
Your pain is evident. This sounds truly heartbreaking. Are you or can you get into therapy or at least find a support group, maybe for women who have divorced or are starting that process? I think a women's-only group could be a good fit for you right now as you can hear about other women just like you, women who made many of the same decisions over time as they lost themselves to a demanding and uncaring spouse. But those women got themselves out of that situation and are happy now. You can, too.
Have you spoken with a lawyer yet? Why or why not? Taking action, even this one little step, can give you some of your power back and bring a ray of hope into your life right now.
And, why even talk to your husband at all? You know that man. I bet you could anticipate all the tripe he will spew your way. Do not engage. You do not need to further explain yourself. If you have been trying for decades, he isn't suddenly going to get it, no matter what you say. Please read up on the 180 and greyrock.
Lastly, have you considered volunteering at a local animal shelter? When I lost my pet, I did this for a while and it was a balm to my soul. Helping these innocent creatures even when I wasn't ready for another one filled a hole in my heart.
Have you spoken with a lawyer yet? Why or why not? Taking action, even this one little step, can give you some of your power back and bring a ray of hope into your life right now.
And, why even talk to your husband at all? You know that man. I bet you could anticipate all the tripe he will spew your way. Do not engage. You do not need to further explain yourself. If you have been trying for decades, he isn't suddenly going to get it, no matter what you say. Please read up on the 180 and greyrock.
Lastly, have you considered volunteering at a local animal shelter? When I lost my pet, I did this for a while and it was a balm to my soul. Helping these innocent creatures even when I wasn't ready for another one filled a hole in my heart.
You need to get off the self pitying, it will do nothing but to keep you down. You need to find and/or accept the resolution within yourself as to what is it that you really want and do it.
You want to stay in your miserable relationship, then stay, and that's that. Just accept it.
You want out of this miserable relationship, then just make that decision, and stop pitying yourself for every done **** from your husband towards you. It shouldn't matter anymore, just move on, leave, divorce, and start anew. Once out the pain you feel will subside and fade away little by little, until it's nothing. By then you may even be in a new, loving relationship, and all grievances towards you soon to be ex husband are just faded noise.
But, if you're leaving, do it legally. Your lawyer should tell you what to do, how to do it. It's better for divorce purposes not to give ammunition towards the possible "she abandoned home" legal maneuver.
You want to stay in your miserable relationship, then stay, and that's that. Just accept it.
You want out of this miserable relationship, then just make that decision, and stop pitying yourself for every done **** from your husband towards you. It shouldn't matter anymore, just move on, leave, divorce, and start anew. Once out the pain you feel will subside and fade away little by little, until it's nothing. By then you may even be in a new, loving relationship, and all grievances towards you soon to be ex husband are just faded noise.
But, if you're leaving, do it legally. Your lawyer should tell you what to do, how to do it. It's better for divorce purposes not to give ammunition towards the possible "she abandoned home" legal maneuver.
Thanks for all your thoughts. Today felt a bit more tolerable. It has only been a week and 5 days since she died. So this is a fresh wound. My friend is an attorney who does divorce. I am not too worried about that yet. Honestly I'd work 3 jobs again before I took spousal support. I won't get mean unless he doesn't play fair or gets rotten. At which point I guess then I will decimate him. I'm in no hurry to divorce. Honestly he asked me to marry him then didn't want to get married and I waited 12 years for that. So, I guess he can wait for this? I want him to enjoy his life. I encouraged him to get a Harley. I really need to just figure out how to have this space in my life where he used to be and where all of the little rules to keep him happy and content resided. From age 18-46 I've built my concerns thoughts and actions around him. This death caused me to lose my drive to do that. He has always told me "if you don't like it get out" and I finally did. I'm making to do lists and getting things done. My friends have been amazing. I just wish my chest didn't feel like an elephant was sitting on it.
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Talk About Marriage
A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more!
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