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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I found myself with a question last night, that I'd rather not ask friends or family about. Going to give a little back ground first. My BF is separated for a number of yrs, he has a son from that relationship.we pretty much live together, I maintain my own apt. While 95% of the time stay at his place. I've never been married before, I don't have childern of my own. He asked me last night if I was only having sex with him, because he wanted it. I said yes. He said he want's to talk some more about that.
Not sure why he asked me that in the first place, I am not even sure I know what I am asking myself.
I could never get married if that's what's going through your minds, I am on disability, and my financial freedom and indepentance mean more to me than that. As far as I can tell, he's got everything he could want, or has/had, I mean he's been married, is married, he's got a child (son), he's got a very good job, and will have very good pensions, he's set for life, he only needs me or some other woman for sex, that's the only thing really missing, and he's getting that from me, so I don't know why he'd ask me that question.
Suggestions/ comments???
 

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he only needs me or some other woman for sex, that's the only thing really missing, and he's getting that from me, so I don't know why he'd ask me that question.
Suggestions/ comments???
It sounds like he has other needs, too, like being admired, trusted, and having fun with someone.

When you say your financial independence "means more to you than that" you're really saying that he doesn't measure up enough to make him your #1 priority. That's something that most people want from a relationship partner.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I don't know why he's still married to her. She has her own place, from what I was told, he bought her interest in the house, and went onto purchase her own condo, they work at the same place, different dept. So alamony shouldn't be a big issue. They're son is a young adult, Early 20's.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'll have to ask him just what it is he want's from me. I am a trust worthy person, and I like to think I am a fun person to be around.
Yes my financial independance does mean more to me then marriage would, bet your boots, I don't want to get myself into a parent/child relationship. I am on a disability income, I have my own bills to pay, and sure as heck don't want him paying my bills, they aren't his responsibility.
 

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You don't have to let him pay your bills or vice versa to have a great relationship and even a marriage, but if your financial independence needs are so strong that you can't let a marriage be AS important as that, and you don't have enough trust in another person that they'll honor your needs over the long haul, then it could cause problems for you.
 

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Needlepoint, I'm not sure if you understood his question. He wants to know if you are having sex with him because you WANT to or are you having sex with him because you feel you HAVE to in order to keep this relationship going.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I see what your trying to say, on the bills, however, because I am on disabilty, I would loose what little income I have, the way the system works is, when a couple become common-law/spouce, living together as a married couple, my income would be clawed back, they take 50%, dollar-for-dallrr off his gross income off my income each month, and because his income is over 35,000, I would not monger recieve any money what so ever. Yes it would be reduced to zero. I have rent to pay where I live, I have credit card bills etc. I wouldn't be able to have my apt, I would lose that, I'd have to move in with him lock stock and barrel.
At tis time I am not prepared to do that, I tried my hand at that once before in a previous relationship, and it left me litterally homeless, yes homeless, on the streets, they call it couch surfing.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I am not sure either to be honest. I don't know and will try to find out if that's what he was asking me last night, whether or not I was with him, either to keep the relationship going or not.
 

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I see what your trying to say, on the bills, however, because I am on disabilty, I would loose what little income I have, the way the system works is, when a couple become common-law/spouce, living together as a married couple, my income would be clawed back, they take 50%, dollar-for-dallrr off his gross income off my income each month, and because his income is over 35,000, I would not monger recieve any money what so ever. Yes it would be reduced to zero. I have rent to pay where I live, I have credit card bills etc. I wouldn't be able to have my apt, I would lose that, I'd have to move in with him lock stock and barrel.
At tis time I am not prepared to do that, I tried my hand at that once before in a previous relationship, and it left me litterally homeless, yes homeless, on the streets, they call it couch surfing.
Well, being able to contribute financially to your relationship is important. Do you show him that you think he's the best thing ever in other ways?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
quite possibly, I did have and he knows I have just gotten a call from the Dr's office, that I have a urinary infection.
 

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Us guys can be like that. One bad session in the bedroom and we automatically think you've been faking it forever.

If you enjoy sex with him, tell him. Promise him a nice time once your UTI is gone.

If you haven't been enjoying sex with him, explain why and see if you can both work out a solution.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I've told him, he's asked me point blank about our sex together, I am the one who 95% of the time who initiates it. He's told me may times, that most guys deam of meeting someone like me.
 
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