Hoping to provide some insight on Gottman Method Therapy from the Gottman Institute! Dr. Gottman's latest book, entitled "What Makes Love Last: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal," speaks to the subject of infidelity. In Chapter 10 ("Recovering from Infidelity"), Dr. Gottman says:
"If you conclude that your relationship is worth salvaging, find an experienced counselor or therapist who is effective in working with couples coping with infidelity. Therapists employ all kinds of approaches. In my approach, I believe that it is the professional's job to 'get' the wounded spouse's thoughts and emotions and then describe them to the therapist eloquently and with deep empathy. In effect, the therapist bridges the gap between the partners by articulating with great precision what the hurt spouse is feeling and ensuring that the other fully understands."
This excerpt is especially applicable to your concerns: "Among the 'musts to avoid' is any therapist who suggests that you not discuss the betrayal and let bygones be bygones. Just moving on with your relationship is a terrible idea, even if the affair happened 20 years ago. You cannot heal until you have processed the trauma."
The Gottman systen for healing after an affair is founded in 35+ years of research conducted by Dr. John Gottman, which confirm the effectiveness of the exercises provided in the book (the attunement-based art of intimate conversation, the Blueprint, and the Aftermath Kit) as well as the 7 Principles. The method leads couples through three stages of healing: Atone, Attune, Attach.
If you are interested in speaking with a Certified Gottman Therapist (not someone who just uses the Gottman approach in their practice), please visit Gottman Therapist Search
. If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact us! Our contact information can be found on our webpage at Relationship Institute - Couples Therapy, Workshops, and Training
We hope that this answers some of your questions.