[memphisman]

Alright guys and gals, here's my situation. Been involved with my wife for going on 2 years. married for 7 months and we have 8 month old little girl. I have loved and still loved this woman to death. We had a very rocky start but we always came back together. About a year ago though while pregnant with our child she get's "confused" and admits she had cheated on me. after that i wouldn't say we were together but i didn't think we were broken up, but she continued to have sex with this other guy. My friends told me to move on and all that stuff...well i decided to give her another chance for the sake of our future family because i wanted that more than anything. i of course had trust issues. but in time got over them and we still got married. every relationship has it's issues i know, but we argued a lot it seemed. everyday there was something she wanted or said we needed. I have over the course of our relationship given her anything she has wanted, but after giving so much i would tell her no or that we couldn't and just ask why she couldn't be happy and grateful with the things we had. she just never seemed content or happy with i could give her. so i was already getting close to my breaking point because i just didn't feel appreciated anymore. but then last Thursday night she returns from hanging out with her ex girlfriend(who she has sworn was nothing more than a friend now) that her and her ex had messed around about 2 weeks before. Not only messed around but done so in our own bed while i was at work one day. (girl, guy. Infidelity is infidelity to me.) but what makes it so much worse is that we had discussed this current situation because i had expressed a fear in this happening because i could hear subtle hint of emotions in her voice when she talked about her ex. i was just really getting over my trust issues from the first incident. but she repeatedly reassured me nothing was going on and that i was all she wanted. so not only did she cheat on me again, but blatantly lied to my face about it. I'm incredibly angry and feel humiliated. i told her she needed to go to her parents house till i could figure out what i wanted to do.

Overall i jsut don't know if i want to be married anymore. she's been gone for about 4 days now i really don't miss her...and even if i wanted to make it work and give her ANOTHER chance. i just don't see how i could ever believe another word out of mouth again. Her parent completely sympathize with me but they also feel like if i really love her that i'll try and work it out and if i don't i'm giving up to easy. because now with the fear of divorce and actually losing me and the fear of raising our child in a broken home my wife has been doing nothing but begging me to let her come back.

I just don't know. and i really need some of you guys unbiased opinions. thank you

 

[Toffer]

OK, this may hurt a little but...............

First of all, I would get a paternity test done on your child.

This woman has cheated on you TWO times in a year!

She took the precious gift of reconcilation that you offered her and crapped all over it! She even did it with the same guy!

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder to see if she's banging someone else? That's no way to live.

I'd take her and drop her off at the ex's place and let him worry about her. Oh, and if the child isn't yours, I'd talk to a lawyer to try and find out if you will still have financial responsibilities for it if your listed on the birth certificate as the dad.

Good luck!

 

[Chris Taylor]

Yeah, what Toffer said. It's hard enough to come back from one bout of infidelity. But two? It shows absolutely no respect for you, respect she will NEVER have for you.

 

[costa200]

Got some trust issues

Are you for real? So this woman cheats on you 2 times in a year and YOU have issues of trust? Come on man!

You have issues alright, but they are not about trust. They are about being able to hold your sense of self and pride as a person.

You're allowing this woman to nullify you as an individual. She obviously doesn't give a damn about you. So, why are you still interested in that relationship? Cut your losses and find a new partner.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

Aside from words, what actions can you point to to prove that she is remorseful? You let her go out with an ex lover? Have you no boundaries? What I'm seeing here is nice guy behavior, rug sweeping and a complete lack of "real" remorse and a complete lack of consequences up until you kicked her out. I say she needs to experience consequences or this will happen again and again. She needs to show actual remorseful actions. Voluntary no-contact letter and a complete cutoff of contact from this person. Voluntary exposure of herself as a cheater with zero blame shifting. A 100% end to girls night out and going out without you. Voluntarily putting herself on lockdown.

 

[memphisman]

thanks for replys guys. and yea you're right...i was way too nice. but i felt like i was being a supported husband. i've got another question though does anyone know how long a divorce takes if she refuses to sign the divorce papers?

 

[WalterWhite]

Aside from words, what actions can you point to to prove that she is remorseful? You let her go out with an ex lover? Have you no boundaries? What I'm seeing here is nice guy behavior, rug sweeping and a complete lack of "real" remorse and a complete lack of consequences up until you kicked her out. I say she needs to experience consequences or this will happen again and again. She needs to show actual remorseful actions. Voluntary no-contact letter and a complete cutoff of contact from this person. Voluntary exposure of herself as a cheater with zero blame shifting. A 100% end to girls night out and going out without you. Voluntarily putting herself on lockdown.

No, remorse is not required here.

No, turning into a controlling prick by laying down the law is not required here.

The only thing to be done is to dump her ****ty crusty a$$ and get a paternity test on the baby. If it is yours, still do not keep this ****. Divorce her either way. But if the child is yours, then share custody. Do this regardless if the **** shows remorse or not. At this point you can never trust her so therefore you must not continue the marriage.

 

[Liam]

To say you have every right to have 'some trust issues' is putting it mildly!

She has shown complete disrespect for you and your marriage, and the saddest part is that there is a very young child in the middle.

In this case, it sounds to me like going your separate ways is best for all 3 of you.

 

[Chelle D]

Depends on your state laws.
Illinois, you have to prove that you are separated (living apart) for 2 years after you actually sign divorce or separation papers.

That is if she refuses to allow a divorce.
My guess is, if you put a spin on it ....that she will be free to find another soul mate that would make her feel better about herself.. that she would be free to find that guy that she "wont" cheat on.. that she is shallow enought that hearing that kind of talk would inspire her to sign the papers.

 

[MattMatt]

She cheats with men AND women? Doesn't this double her chances of cheating on you?

I had a girl friend who left me for a woman, so I know this stuff can hurt...

 

[Entropy3000]

The trust issues are hers. She should not be trusted.