Got divorced yesterday

5472 Views 22 Replies 12 Participants Last post by Chuck71, Dec 10, 2012

maincourse99

Discussion Starter · Nov 28, 2012 (Edited)

It was a sad day. Lots of crying on my STBXW's part. It does feel like death, definitely. I am so angry at her for unilaterally ripping our family apart.

This entire episode culminating in divorce has completely soured me on a future serious relationship. Everyone says that time will change that feeling, I hope it does, but this is my second divorce and I can't imagine trusting again. Not just someone else, but also trusting my judgement as to a future partner.

I could not have chosen two worse women to marry.

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EnjoliWoman

· #2 · Nov 28, 2012

I'm sorry for your pain. Give it lots of time and treat yourself with lots of love. Maybe after enough years you'll be in touch with your gut and be able to trust it.

Reactions: 2

Weathered

· #3 · Nov 28, 2012

This is sad to hear. I do feel despondent at the way we can so misjudge who would make a good mate for life that it brings me to tears. I'm sorry for your loss and the people it has affected. I hope you find comfort after the pain and learn positive things along the way.
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3Xnocharm

· #4 · Nov 28, 2012

I agree, Weathered, how we can misjudge our mates. I have done so three times.

MC99, hang in there, it really does get easier. You have to allow yourself time to grieve the loss and get in touch with yourself.

Reactions: 1

Dewayne76

· #5 · Nov 29, 2012

I'm sorry to hear. I know it sucks.

I'm having trouble thinking about trust myself. Of course I'm still early in the game... actually, I have papers. NO I'm not so early anymore.

Like others have said. Give it some time. Treat yourself well. Love yourself, go have fun.

Wishing you well.

Reactions: 2

ad-havoc

· #6 · Nov 30, 2012 (Edited)

marriage is going to the dumps in the future, really the compassion and integrity of both spouses being together had taken so lightly (you can blame individualism! or feminist) that the marriage certificate had its own use by date (last for 10 years)

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Left With 4.5

· #7 · Nov 30, 2012

maincourse99 said:
It was a sad day. Lots of crying on my STBXW's part. It does feel like death, definitely. I am so angry at her for unilaterally ripping our family apart.

This entire episode culminating in divorce has completely soured me on a future serious relationship. Everyone says that time will change that feeling, I hope it does, but this is my second divorce and I can't imagine trusting again. Not just someone else, but also trusting my judgement as to a future partner.

I could not have chosen two worse women to marry.

My divorce will finalize in a couple of months and it already feels like death too. I can't imagine anyone trusting again after going through a divorce.

Dewayne76

· #8 · Nov 30, 2012

I don't think I'll ever marry again after this D. No one seems to take vows seriously. I understand people change. I understand views cahnge. but to leave a family and say "I want to build a better life" and entailing W/O their marriage partner is weak.

I'm so sick of people today. I'm sick of women, men anyone who lies and cheats and can't keep their word. Anyone who can't and won't talk things out. People who REFUSE to communicate.

Not again.

Reactions: 5

Left With 4.5

· #9 · Nov 30, 2012

Dewayne76 said:
I don't think I'll ever marry again after this D. No one seems to take vows seriously. I understand people change. I understand views cahnge. but to leave a family and say "I want to build a better life" and entailing W/O their marriage partner is weak.

I'm so sick of people today. I'm sick of women, men anyone who lies and cheats and can't keep their word. Anyone who can't and won't talk things out. People who REFUSE to communicate.

Not again.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

maincourse99

Discussion Starter · #10 · Dec 1, 2012

Thanks for your comments everyone. There are so many people like us, suffering because of these cheaters, along with all the damage done to the children. So sad.

Reactions: 1

COguy

· #11 · Dec 1, 2012

The fault is not all on the spouse, take responsibility for YOUR part.

You did not spend enough time with this person to understand that they have poor boundaries, are selfish, and do not communicate properly.

After marriage one you should have realized people change over time, don't make that mistake again.

Reactions: 3

Left With 4.5

· #12 · Dec 1, 2012

COguy said:
The fault is not all on the spouse, take responsibility for YOUR part.

You did not spend enough time with this person to understand that they have poor boundaries, are selfish, and do not communicate properly.

After marriage one you should have realized people change over time, don't make that mistake again.

Very true. I take full responsibility on my part and I will make every effort to not make those mistakes again.

happyman64

· #13 · Dec 1, 2012

maincourse99 said:
It was a sad day. Lots of crying on my STBXW's part. It does feel like death, definitely. I am so angry at her for unilaterally ripping our family apart.

This entire episode culminating in divorce has completely soured me on a future serious relationship. Everyone says that time will change that feeling, I hope it does, but this is my second divorce and I can't imagine trusting again. Not just someone else, but also trusting my judgement as to a future partner.

I could not have chosen two worse women to marry.

Main course

I am curious, why do you think your exwife was really crying?

Why did you refer to her as your STBXW if you are now divorced?

And is she still living with POSOM?

Hm64

arbitrator

· #14 · Dec 1, 2012

maincourse99 said:
It was a sad day. Lots of crying on my STBXW's part. It does feel like death, definitely. I am so angry at her for unilaterally ripping our family apart.

This entire episode culminating in divorce has completely soured me on a future serious relationship. Everyone says that time will change that feeling, I hope it does, but this is my second divorce and I can't imagine trusting again. Not just someone else, but also trusting my judgement as to a future partner.

I could not have chosen two worse women to marry.

I'm definitely in the same boat with you, Main! First wife was bi-polar, STBXW was just wealthy, controlling, and just plain mean. I know now that I didn't know either of their hearts going in to the nuptuals.

And like you, I would love the opportunity at another loving relationship, but given my track record, I know that I'll have an awfully lot of personal soul-searching to go through!

EnjoliWoman

· #15 · Dec 1, 2012

Please don't lump all women together. I know it's hard and potentially painful to sort through the riff-raff to find a good one but we exist.

Reactions: 1

Left With 4.5

· #16 · Dec 1, 2012

EnjoliWoman said:
Please don't lump all women together. I know it's hard and potentially painful to sort through the riff-raff to find a good one but we exist.

:iagree:Yes, we DO exist!:iagree:

Reactions: 2

maincourse99

Discussion Starter · #17 · Dec 1, 2012 (Edited)

CO guy, of course I know people change over time. I expected that and I changed too. How do you know how much time I spent with her 20 years ago?

She did not display those selfish traits back then, had she I would not have married her.

I don't get what you're driving at. Are you saying never to marry because people may change for the worse?

maincourse99

Discussion Starter · #18 · Dec 1, 2012

HappyMan, I can only guess why she was crying. Could be several possibilities. What do you think it might be?

My marriage isn't final for 100 days, so she isn't my ex wife until then.

Yes, she is still living with OM.

maincourse99

Discussion Starter · #19 · Dec 1, 2012

As far as starting another relationship with a woman, I agree that there are many good ones. I guess it's a case of me healing and applying what I've learned from my past mistakes and not repeating them.

arbitrator

· #20 · Dec 1, 2012

EnjoliWoman said:
Please don't lump all women together. I know it's hard and potentially painful to sort through the riff-raff to find a good one but we exist.

Enjoli: I know, all too well, that you, as well as the other good ladies are out there simply for the taking. But conversely, there are still plenty of "bad ones!" (And then again, maybe I'm one of those bad ones, too!)

And with that being said, it's just one of those "bad ones" that I don't want to expose my heart to again, only to have her fastly put it into a sausage grinder, then stomp on the finished product!

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