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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
The Social Pathologist has crunched the numbers, and the verdict is in: women with lots of past partners are more likely to divorce than women who didn’t take a self-empowering spin on the **** carousel.

The results presented in this article replicate findings from previous research: Women who cohabit prior to marriage or who have premarital sex have an increased likelihood of marital disruption. Considering the joint effects of premarital cohabitation and premarital sex, as well as histories of premarital relationships, extends previous research. The most salient finding from this analysis is that women whose intimate premarital relationships are limited to their husbands—either premarital sex alone or premarital cohabitation—do not experience an increased risk of divorce. It is only women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship who have an elevated risk of marital disruption. This effect is strongest for women who have multiple premarital coresidental unions. These findings are consistent with the notion that premarital sex and cohabitation have become part of the normal courtship pattern in the United States. They do not indicate selectivity on characteristics linked to the risk of divorce and do not provide couples with experiences that lessen the stability of marriage.
In my experience as a divorce lawyer roughly 70-75% of divorces are filed by women. Now contrary to the belief of some that most of these women/divorces are the case of "walk away wife syndrome". That is not true, most women are filing for divorce because of physical/mental abuse/infidelity on the man's part or a combination of all of those. Most divorces are not because of "financial reasons". In my experience women have been way more likely to forgive infidelity, and tolerate being cheated on more than men. Men when they are cheated on they almost always seem to leave immediately while women are more likely to forgive until it becomes a repeat thing. Furthermore id like to add that in my experience the females are more willing to try, and make the marriage work than the males. In addition id like to say that MOST divorced women, and single mothers do not have a "better life". Single mothers are one of the poorest groups in America, and the belief that women "find a better/richer man, or take all the man's money and live a single bachelorette lifestyle having fun all the time" is not true for majority of divorced women. In reality most divorced women are worse off than divorce males (in my experience), now there does exist rare cases in which the woman is a walk away wife, or she takes it all and the male gets screwed, but these are not as common as believed (by folk on here).

In my experience when males file for divorce its usually because they were cheated on, they are in a sexless marriage, or they found a better woman and wish to file for divorce before the wife can find out they are cheating/planning to leave them. If a man is financially smart, and does his work properly he can assure that the wife gets little of his assets when he files for divorce.

However generally in my experience men when they are cheating are not so inclined to file for divorce, they often see it as pointless. They get often the best of two worlds, emotional love/support and loving wife, while also getting other women on the side. When men are in sexless marriage's is (in my experience) when they are more likely to divorce. When women are in sexless marriages they are more likely to cheat, have it implode than divorce. When women cheat they are more inclined to tell the husband, and he is the one who comes to file for divorce usually. Rarely does the wife seem to cheat and then come file for divorce, when the wife is cheating usually she won't initiate the divorce.




Now i have noticed a trend when "good men" are cheated on by a wife. Almost always the wife is "not a good person" from what i see/can judge. They are usually narcissistic, self entitled and are quick to bad mouth others, they are also often insecure as well. In addition it seems that most of these women seem to have "rough pasts" and that they were once quite the party girl aka very promiscuous.



Now i would take the above, and studies with much validity. However, DO NOT Equate a wife's number of sexual partners with her being a walk away wife necessarily. Remember that most divorces are filed by women, and most are because of neglect/abuse/cheating etc.

Remember that the person filing for divorce is usually the one who has been wronged. The person who is F#cking up, doing the wrong doing, has no reason to divorce as have the best of both worlds. They can do their wrong doing while also having a "slave". From my experience, it seems that a person who is cheating has zero reason to file for divorce because why would they wish to lose their "stable marriage/partner" and then possibly lose their "cheating partner"??? It seems that the person wronged is the one who no longer wishes to tolerate the constant failure of the marriage and want's out.


So in short i believe their is a direct relationship between promiscuous past/risky behavior and that of ability to be faithful/monogamous. I do not believe humans are naturally monogamous, now while the society and development programs people to like marriage etc. I feel if one partakes in set risky behavior they undo that which they have learned and are more prone to engage in natural human behavior which is promiscuity. Id advice all "GOOD GUYS" to STOP marrying/dating party/promiscuous girls, many of these girls who would not have dated you in their younger years, only to like you now when you can provide financial safety/stability.

In my experience the men most likely to be cheated on are those who marry this exact type of woman. The party/promiscuous girl, many of whom display key character flaws e.g., Narcissism, and excessive thrill seeking for pleasure. I feel many "nice guys" (more so nerdy/timid guys) fall victim to this, as they meet a really attractive woman who before would not have been into them but now is. Id advice men to NOT look exclusively at the most beautiful women who only make up like 5% of the population. In my opinion many great women are overlooked by men, and the same goes for many good men being overlooked by women. Only difference is that smart/good/inexperienced men seem to fall victim to good looking/party girls, while good/inexperienced women seem more judgmental and likely to marry an equally good guy.

Basically id advice men (especially those who are good guys and serious about marriage) to be more selective and picky when it comes to choosing women. In addition id advice them to not overlook such large % of the female population. Btw the same would apply to "good females" not wishing to be cheated on by a man.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 · (Edited)
Also the double standard of calling women S#uts when they are promiscuous and not males is (yes not fair), but its understandable. Especially in the eyes of males.

A S#uty man needs to be good looking, have game, and other positive/attractive attributes about him. It takes skill and majority of men cannot emulate his status nor his prowess in bedding women.

A s#uty woman does not have to meet any of the same requirements as a s#uty man. All she has to do is open her legs, to whoever she chooses. Because women are the choosers in our evolutionary roles, they have historically been more picky. Because males are the chasers, and impregnate and are also the hunters, they are the ones who's goal is to spread their seed as much as they can. For a female to disregard her "picky" nature she is becoming of less value to other males. In short all men will have sex with the female who opens her legs (albeit she is abnormal). For the female to be promiscuous its extremely easy and because of that does not merit praise by the males, the males do not want what every other man has had so easily (when it comes to relationships), and at that do not want the female who is NOT picky. So you get the trend of men sleeping with "s#uty" women only to disregard them as potential lovers/partners for long term relationships, FEW men desire the easy woman in marriage/long term relationship. This can leave many women feeling hurt, and confused but it actually makes perfect sense if you can understand our roles.


For that general reason the double standard is understandable, and those who try and argue against (can make great points), but are doing so in the wrong period of time. The current day society is not orchestrated to accept or embrace old trends of human behavior/ancestral behavior of other species. It is for that very reason that those who try to break the double standard may be doing harm to those who wish to be in a monogamous marriage.
 

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Hmm… there could be different logic. S1utty woman easier adjusts to an imperfect husband. It is extremely hard to find a perfect match especially for a picky woman. But if a woman would set her goal as a perfect marriage with kids with nice stable house she would do it easier if she is not very picky. She will never have a problem that she finally in her late 30s or early 40s met a guy that match the chemistry better.
Another thing is that maybe there are some biological cycles that woman supposed to raise kids for a 7 years and then she goes to look another perfect match. For our ancestors maybe 7 years was already the age when a young person supposed to be raised by the community, get some skills, education. And a woman was going to find another perfect match or maybe could fall in love with the same perfect match again - similar to animal’s mating seasons.
Marriage is a product of the institution of private property. Biologically it is not necessary. Basically marriage was about providing a support to s1utty enough females when they are raising kids and about inheritance.
And the s1utty woman that you describe is more like a drug of alcohol addict. Usually alcohol reduces the ability to do a right choice. Even about man they say any girl looks good right before 2 am in a bar. Men also don’t take just any female. And I really don’t know if competition is tougher for male. Actually due to this gender role shift in society male competition is controllable by male. If you are successful with money you’ll find a girl even if you are ugly and, genetically, you are not really good material. With girls getting equal opportunity it changes but not very fast. But if you are an ugly girl you’ll have problems to find a mate even if you have money. So I would probably disagree with the main assumption that a male is in general less picky than female. Come on, be a gold digger is not equal to be picky LOL. It takes to be s1utty enough to be able to have sex with a guy that is most likely not in her taste.
As I see things around, I would say even picky girls sometimes have affairs and change their heart and sometimes are dreaming about someone else. There are several things that stop them from getting into a real affaire or divorce and those things ranges from just fear to be caught and lose financial support to the fear to hurt husband’s feelings.
Your statistics unfortunately is false. It doesn’t show the correlations you are trying to find. Well, nowadays if a girl was a virgin when she married she probably have all the baggage of the old traditions that have nothing to do with pickiness and she could be faithful due to the fear of rejection from her family, or due to her religious believes. Moreover most of the marriages that involves virgins are prearranged marriage where is bride never even had a chance to reveal her pickiness, or helped to be arranged by friend and family when a bride doesn’t use her instincts but merely follows the advice of her friends and family. And even if later she feels like her husband is not the right one she would have more moral problems to divorce him because he is a friend of her family and friends and she will feel a pressure from them. The girls that are not married been a virgin could be much pickier than virgins.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hmm… there could be different logic. S1utty woman easier adjusts to an imperfect husband. It is extremely hard to find a perfect match especially for a picky woman. But if a woman would set her goal as a perfect marriage with kids with nice stable house she would do it easier if she is not very picky. She will never have a problem that she finally in her late 30s or early 40s met a guy that match the chemistry better.
Another thing is that maybe there are some biological cycles that woman supposed to raise kids for a 7 years and then she goes to look another perfect match. For our ancestors maybe 7 years was already the age when a young person supposed to be raised by the community, get some skills, education. And a woman was going to find another perfect match or maybe could fall in love with the same perfect match again - similar to animal’s mating seasons.
Marriage is a product of the institution of private property. Biologically it is not necessary. Basically marriage was about providing a support to s1utty enough females when they are raising kids and about inheritance.
And the s1utty woman that you describe is more like a drug of alcohol addict. Usually alcohol reduces the ability to do a right choice. Even about man they say any girl looks good right before 2 am in a bar. Men also don’t take just any female. And I really don’t know if competition is tougher for male. Actually due to this gender role shift in society male competition is controllable by male. If you are successful with money you’ll find a girl even if you are ugly and, genetically, you are not really good material. With girls getting equal opportunity it changes but not very fast. But if you are an ugly girl you’ll have problems to find a mate even if you have money. So I would probably disagree with the main assumption that a male is in general less picky than female. Come on, be a gold digger is not equal to be picky LOL. It takes to be s1utty enough to be able to have sex with a guy that is most likely not in her taste.
As I see things around, I would say even picky girls sometimes have affairs and change their heart and sometimes are dreaming about someone else. There are several things that stop them from getting into a real affaire or divorce and those things ranges from just fear to be caught and lose financial support to the fear to hurt husband’s feelings.
Your statistics unfortunately is false. It doesn’t show the correlations you are trying to find. Well, nowadays if a girl was a virgin when she married she probably have all the baggage of the old traditions that have nothing to do with pickiness and she could be faithful due to the fear of rejection from her family, or due to her religious believes. Moreover most of the marriages that involves virgins are prearranged marriage where is bride never even had a chance to reveal her pickiness, or helped to be arranged by friend and family when a bride doesn’t use her instincts but merely follows the advice of her friends and family. And even if later she feels like her husband is not the right one she would have more moral problems to divorce him because he is a friend of her family and friends and she will feel a pressure from them. The girls that are not married been a virgin could be much pickier than virgins.
I would agree with most of all that you said.

The only reason that i argue that promiscuous women/men of TODAY are more prone to divorce/infidelity is that i believe they are reverting back to natural human desires. In other words they are throwing away the views that society puts on people, such views which are extremely common during our development. I am under the impression that when people in today's society sleep around a lot, they are slowly but surely throwing away old school idea's of "love" and "waiting for the one" etc. They are indulging in pleasure first and other "needs". Because of this i feel they are less inclined to stay and truly devote themselves to set individuals.

I feel they train themselves to do away with the concept of marriage.


Now in the long run once marriage as an institution is dead i feel people will be different and females/males won't be so inclined for monogamy. But the ones who are will have had many past partners but it won't have any bearing on their faithfulness given (in this time) those who seek out monogamy are doing so knowing its implications. In today's world/society most people grow up believing that is the only way, that way being "marriage". It seems to me that for the average male and female, lots of sexual partners and risky past behavior makes people jaded, more inclined to seek pleasure, and less "programmed" to fit in with the ideals of marriage/monogamy. Basically they take the natural drug life offers, and that drug is forbidden once they partake in its frequent use it seems their is no going back.
 

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Wow, this is pretty well covered from the very first posts!

As about to the double standards it is my opinion that taboos, as much as people would complain about them have been set since a long time and most times they're there for good reasons (you don't eat human flesh, you dont have sex with your siblings). My point being that most men won't think well of a girl who sleeps around when they first hear of it! If they will listen to their guts or not thats another point and modern society has done a lot (what with female liberation and all) to blunt the taboo of the slvt.

Not very long ago a woman that I was seeing asked me how i would feel if i were to be with someone who had been with 30 men, i thought she was just trying to test me, didn't make much of it so i said thats too many for my taste and then i was proceeding to sort of picture all those partners in my mind and I was saying things like "OK, 30 men thats like 3 football teams...no wait a football team is 11 so 3 teams will make 33, but lets say she f****d 3 football teams except for the goalkeepers because they would run late for training" and i was stopped abruptly only to discover that she was more than annoyed by what I was saying.

Now if it was me telling her that i had had 30 partners i don't think i'd have been so touchy!

Edit: that was the last meeting, I guess i could have gone out again if she had called me but i wasn't feeling like calling first!
 

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Not very long ago a woman that I was seeing asked me how i would feel if i were to be with someone who had been with 30 men, i thought she was just trying to test me, didn't make much of it so i said thats too many for my taste and then i was proceeding to sort of picture all those partners in my mind and I was saying things like "OK, 30 men thats like 3 football teams...no wait a football team is 11 so 3 teams will make 33, but lets say she f****d 3 football teams except for the goalkeepers because they would run late for training" and i was stopped abruptly only to discover that she was more than annoyed by what I was saying.

Now if it was me telling her that i had had 30 partners i don't think i'd have been so touchy!
!
I doubt that you would. After all, it would have been her having to come to terms with your promiscuity, rather than you with hers.

I believe that both genders need to be more discerning when it comes to notching up large numbers of bed partners, because, IMO, you can't expect higher standards from a prospective partner than you have set for yourself. .

I've always set myself pretty high standards, and I wouldn't be interested in a serious relationship with a man who had had a high number of sexual partners. It mightn't be that important to some women, but I think I probably think like a man in this regard.
 

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I won't quote because it's just wayyy too long, but my experience leads me to agree with your observations about why people divorce. However, I have a COMPLETELY different theory about the promiscuity angle.

In fact, if I read your ideas correctly, you've got some flawed logic. You said that women filed because they were mistreated, not that they filed for divorce in order to have more partners or sexual excitement. For me, this doesn't equate to resorting to any base non-monogamous instincts that may or may not be present. (I personally believe some people are naturally monogamous and some aren't.)

First, I will state that I'm a woman who is joyously married to her third husband, has never cheated on a man, has had MANY sexual partners, and ended every previous longterm relationship I was in except for one - not counting my husband, of course... I also have paid close attention to relationship and communication topics most of my life, so this isn't based purely on my experiences.

Anyway... here are some things I will throw out there for consideration:

1. A woman who marries her first sexual partner has a very limited frame of reference regarding what's available "out there." She is more likely to think of whatever happens to her as a "normal" part of marriage than a person who has been with a variety of men. For example, if Virginia marries an alcoholic, it will take her longer to identify and name the problems in her relationship than someone who has dated both a non-alcoholic and an alcoholic before.

A less-experienced woman may or may not have had the kind of background that gave her the skills to be a good relationship partner and to get good treatment from her partner. If she didn't learn those skills, though, she is more likely to doubt herself, not see other options, and accept whatever comes her way.

2. For this reason, women with more sexual experience tend to have higher expectations (largely unreasonable). We subconsciously or consciously compare the new to the old, and believe that the best of the old + best of the new should exist with NONE of the bad of either. These expectations can result in increased dissatisfaction and a greater likelihood of looking for the next great deal.
 

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Am I the only one whom feels the "study" seems as if it were a pamflet distrubuted on the way out of church on Sunday ? No citations, just words. The data seems suspect to me. The conclusions the OP draw seem to come out of thin air. I just don't quite get the connection.

Is "id" a word ? Outside the context of Frued.
Not "in my experience"
 

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Well Goldmember, I have to disagree.

I have read numerous studies that show the more promiscuous a woman OR a man before marriage- the more likely they are to be promiscuous after.

Just because a woman might be more willing to forgive unfaithfulness and stay in that marriage, doesn't mean it's a good one, and doesn't mean she shouldn't be careful before marrying.

Also as you said 75% of women file for divorce, and the ones doing the wrong thing usually aren't the ones who file (sometimes they are but anyway), and since women are more likely to end up raising the children and living in poverty, and given your view that many women file due to abuse and neglect, shouldn't women be the ones being super careful about who they marry? Shouldn't women be more picky than men?

I think men and women should both be careful who they marry, they should not discount any man and woman because of the number of partners but they should discount people who haven't matured and gained wisdom through their lives and from their actions.

Also many people who were virgins before marriage often stay together because of family and religious beliefs and pressure. That does not make their marriages greater or healthier.
 

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Interesting that many other key components of the study have been left out of this post, of them being education, income, age at the time of marriage and religious similarities. So one could suggest that pre-marital sex is only a small component of a much larger picture and hardly the biggest predictor of divorce.

You've posted this three separate times so you must have some agenda. I'd be curious to hear what that is.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I won't quote because it's just wayyy too long, but my experience leads me to agree with your observations about why people divorce. However, I have a COMPLETELY different theory about the promiscuity angle.

In fact, if I read your ideas correctly, you've got some flawed logic. You said that women filed because they were mistreated, not that they filed for divorce in order to have more partners or sexual excitement. For me, this doesn't equate to resorting to any base non-monogamous instincts that may or may not be present. (I personally believe some people are naturally monogamous and some aren't.)

Yes that is a flaw in the study, and i should of talked more on that. Basically i am saying that in the case of "walk away wives" their pasts are almost always the same. "Walk away wife" is the wife who just gets up and leaves for another man, and is often the wife who cheats because she is "bored" or some other BS reason.

In general id say though that experienced women who have had experience with long term relationships, BUT were not promiscuous make better partners than those who exhibited high risk behavior. What i mean by that is a woman who has slept with 7 men all of whom were people she deeply cared about and knows what its like to have a broken heart or something of that sort. Will be able to know the ropes of a relationship a lot more than someone who had 7 drunken one night stands and could never have or develop deep feelings for anyone.


I suppose i should of talked more about that in my original post. Because you are correct, most wives are not divorcing because they found someone better. So one could argue that maybe women who have more partners divorce more (leave unhappiness/suffering) because they can relate their relationship to past ones, and they know that its not right being mistreated or something of that sort.


First, I will state that I'm a woman who is joyously married to her third husband, has never cheated on a man, has had MANY sexual partners, and ended every previous longterm relationship I was in except for one - not counting my husband, of course... I also have paid close attention to relationship and communication topics most of my life, so this isn't based purely on my experiences.

Anyway... here are some things I will throw out there for consideration:

1. A woman who marries her first sexual partner has a very limited frame of reference regarding what's available "out there." She is more likely to think of whatever happens to her as a "normal" part of marriage than a person who has been with a variety of men. For example, if Virginia marries an alcoholic, it will take her longer to identify and name the problems in her relationship than someone who has dated both a non-alcoholic and an alcoholic before.

A less-experienced woman may or may not have had the kind of background that gave her the skills to be a good relationship partner and to get good treatment from her partner. If she didn't learn those skills, though, she is more likely to doubt herself, not see other options, and accept whatever comes her way.
Exactly. But i still feel their is enough evidence to suggest that a direct correlation exists between risky behavior/big 5 personality traits, along with an individuals development, can relate to happiness, marriage, infidelity, promiscuity etc.

2. For this reason, women with more sexual experience tend to have higher expectations (largely unreasonable). We subconsciously or consciously compare the new to the old, and believe that the best of the old + best of the new should exist with NONE of the bad of either. These expectations can result in increased dissatisfaction and a greater likelihood of looking for the next great deal.
So you do agree with me then?

You say that those with more experiences will compare things more and be more inclined to look elsewhere or the "next great deal" as you put it.

And yes despite your 2 previous marriages, and you never cheating you are obviously an exception. I am not saying this is universal for all individuals. Rather i am saying that people should be more judgmental of others past and look at their personality traits, characteristics and many other things.


Well Goldmember, I have to disagree.

I have read numerous studies that show the more promiscuous a woman OR a man before marriage- the more likely they are to be promiscuous after.
so you'd agree with me they are might be more inclined to cheat?


Just because a woman might be more willing to forgive unfaithfulness and stay in that marriage, doesn't mean it's a good one, and doesn't mean she shouldn't be careful before marrying.
She should be more careful, be judgmental on the person's past and their actions. It can very well save you from future distress, sadness etc.

Also as you said 75% of women file for divorce, and the ones doing the wrong thing usually aren't the ones who file (sometimes they are but anyway), and since women are more likely to end up raising the children and living in poverty, and given your view that many women file due to abuse and neglect, shouldn't women be the ones being super careful about who they marry? Shouldn't women be more picky than men?
Yes women should be more careful about how they marry without a doubt. In my opinion women are more careful in the selection of their long term partners, and i feel women are the more picky sex in general.

So yes women should be more picky than men given they are more likely to be in a worse off position.

I think men and women should both be careful who they marry, they should not discount any man and woman because of the number of partners but they should discount people who haven't matured and gained wisdom through their lives and from their actions.

Also many people who were virgins before marriage often stay together because of family and religious beliefs and pressure. That does not make their marriages greater or healthier.
Totally agree with that part. I would not take this study with extreme validity, however i would take other things i say with much importance. I think their is a direct correlation between that of risky behavior, and infidelity/promiscuity. I have read studies and journals on this and they all tend to say the same thing, that a relationship between risky behavior/promiscuity and infidelity/monogamy does in fact exist. I do not find that at all hard to believe that a person's development, past actions can be used as a way to determine if you will be compatible with them. Nor do i think that its hard to see a relationship between those factors and that of "character flaws".

And yes i would not suggest everyone totally overlook people who have high numbers. BUT id advice them factor that in and see why those sexual relationships happened, and what were they. Were they all long term relationships in which they liked the person? or where they all drunken one night stands? was their a lot of cheating in the past? was there ever lack of self control because one was so "lustful/horny"?

those are all huge questions.

Interesting that many other key components of the study have been left out of this post, of them being education, income, age at the time of marriage and religious similarities. So one could suggest that pre-marital sex is only a small component of a much larger picture and hardly the biggest predictor of divorce.
Yes it is a shame that many other key components of mental health and marital relationships were not accounted for in this study. However, what i am saying is i believe all backed up by evidence. Is it really hard to imagine that people are not naturally monogamous, and for this reason those who partake in promiscuous/risky behavior (in today's world) untrain themselves of monogamy?


You've posted this three separate times so you must have some agenda. I'd be curious to hear what that is.
My agenda is that i often (too much) see males on this site encountering a situation of unhappiness in the marriage, whether it be infidelity by the wife or lack of deep love. I feel for many men their troubles, and problems of a cheating wife, or unloving wife can be avoided if they STOP marrying the type of women i described and STOPPED ignoring "good girls".. Men should be less tempted by attractive gold diggers/damaged girls who one day decided they like the "stable nerdy man" who they once did not like. I'd be totally into making a thread on what women should do to avoid divorce. But i am not a woman, so i am not sure how the thread would be viewed. I honestly think i could give more advice to women on what to do to avoid a divorce and the type of men to AVOID marrying. Seeing that women are the ones who file for divorce the most, and its rarely because they found someone better. Rather their partner has failed to put in effort in the relationship.

The issue comes down to sticking with people who you are truly compatible with and those who you can truly accept. Id also advice that people look at how the person lives their life. Be judgmental if you are not you overlook things that would normally bother you it will come back haunt you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
1. A woman who marries her first sexual partner has a very limited frame of reference regarding what's available "out there." She is more likely to think of whatever happens to her as a "normal" part of marriage than a person who has been with a variety of men. For example, if Virginia marries an alcoholic, it will take her longer to identify and name the problems in her relationship than someone who has dated both a non-alcoholic and an alcoholic before.

A less-experienced woman may or may not have had the kind of background that gave her the skills to be a good relationship partner and to get good treatment from her partner. If she didn't learn those skills, though, she is more likely to doubt herself, not see other options, and accept whatever comes her way.

2. For this reason, women with more sexual experience tend to have higher expectations (largely unreasonable). We subconsciously or consciously compare the new to the old, and believe that the best of the old + best of the new should exist with NONE of the bad of either. These expectations can result in increased dissatisfaction and a greater likelihood of looking for the next great deal.
:smthumbup:

Excellent point. The study does not take into account the many inexperienced people who stay in marriages because they DONT know anything better. It also does not take into account how many of those people are only staying together for religious reasons or things that make them put their needs second.


I suppose a better point for me to have argued is that their is a direct correlation between 5 big personality traits/behavior/infidelity/promiscuity to that of Infidelity/non monogamy.


I feel that is actually a better thing to argue that people's behavior is more indicative of their faithfulness than that of divorce rates. The study is than negated by failure to factor in other elements.

Well Goldmember, I have to disagree.

I have read numerous studies that show the more promiscuous a woman OR a man before marriage- the more likely they are to be promiscuous after.

Just because a woman might be more willing to forgive unfaithfulness and stay in that marriage, doesn't mean it's a good one, and doesn't mean she shouldn't be careful before marrying.

Also as you said 75% of women file for divorce, and the ones doing the wrong thing usually aren't the ones who file (sometimes they are but anyway), and since women are more likely to end up raising the children and living in poverty, and given your view that many women file due to abuse and neglect, shouldn't women be the ones being super careful about who they marry? Shouldn't women be more picky than men?

I think men and women should both be careful who they marry, they should not discount any man and woman because of the number of partners but they should discount people who haven't matured and gained wisdom through their lives and from their actions.

Also many people who were virgins before marriage often stay together because of family and religious beliefs and pressure. That does not make their marriages greater or healthier.
Great points. My above post shows me realizing the flaw in that study, but i still believe other points i made hold much weight and are backed up. In addition id like to add that i feel women should be more careful of who they sleep with if they wish to bag a "good guy"... Good guys see drunken one night stands, and high risk behavior as exactly that HIGH risk behavior, its viewed as unstable and many guys are put off by that because they fear the woman might cheat or something of that sort.


For that reason id say women should be more judgmental of men and those who want to assure they have the biggest poole of men to choose from, should be careful of who they have sex with. Sex effects women just as it does men, but i think women are more emotionally affected from it, because of that its best a woman (imo) sleep only with those she has strong feelings for (say in a relationship). That behavior shows ability to be a good mother/wife and makes the woman appear very attractive to "good guys" who are into love/romance/marriage. Remember those particular men are judgmental and do factor in a lot of things when selecting a woman to marry.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
In short i was trying to tell of the real reasons for divorce and do away with the myth that "walk away wife syndrome" is rampant. I also wanted to address the notion that divorced/single moms have better lives after divorce. Furthermore i am trying to sell that people should be more picky/judgmental in order to AVOID divorce/infidelity and to LOWER divorce rates.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 · (Edited)
We don't need your advice, if we did, we would ask for it. You have posted this exact chart leaving key things out not once, not twice but three times so I have to ask, what exactly are you trying to sell?
hmm you seem quite annoyed, angry agitated by what i say.

Why i left things out? I did not know at the time of the other factors/i did not think of them, but i have always held that a person's development and actions are the best indicators of their current and future behavior.

That's my own fault as to why i did not elaborate more in the past.

But where might i ask does this annoyance come from?
 

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Am I the only one whom feels the "study" seems as if it were a pamflet distrubuted on the way out of church on Sunday ? No citations, just words. The data seems suspect to me. The conclusions the OP draw seem to come out of thin air. I just don't quite get the connection.

Is "id" a word ? Outside the context of Frued.
Not "in my experience"
People you can all ignore any research done by the Heritage Foundation as it`s all pre-paid agenda laden Christ based dogma.

Crap in other words.
 
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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
No. Many would suggest that those who have had multiple partners and finally find one to settle down with are the least to cheat. It's the virgins you have to watch out for.
Virgins who were conditioned that way by say religious indoctrination and told to surpress true feelings are the ones to watch out for. Should they ever drift into periods of time when they are removed from the "order" or they are severly tempted.

I could definitely agree that women along with men who have had experience can definitely be just as or if not more serious about what they want.

However id have to disagree when it comes to those who exhibits high risk behavior constantly in their life. Those who exhibit high risk behavior are more inclined to do it again. For that reason there is a relationship between infidelity and high risk behavior its been documented.

Ah, you mean the [email protected] carousel as many of you like to think it is. A woman who has sex with other men, besides yourself must automatically be slvts, carousel riders and because "Mr. Nice Guy" was there all along, it makes it even worse. I'll give you a little insight in to "Mr. Nice Guy". They are hardly the knight you claim they are. They are passive aggressive a-holes who cozy up to a woman with the pretense of friendship and secretly hate her for not ****ing him. They then hate an entire gender because their bullsh!t and trickery wasn't met with a bj. They are scum of the highest order. At least "bad boys" make their intentions up front. They are honest if nothing else
lol why are you so angry? have you been personally affected/judged by your past behavior by men?

I see no reason for your anger. I do not view promiscuity as "evil" or wrong, nor do i even see cheating as "evil".. Cheating is horrible but its all explainable given our evolution/our development and many other factors. I take the stance that people are not naturally monogamous for example, in fact i am quite liberal. I don't think marriage is the right option for most people.

All i am saying is that those who wish to avoid infidelity/divorce should be more CAREFUL in who they chose.
 
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