Lovely roundabout way of calling my wife stupid, way to go! She's very intelligent, she just doesn't use Excel. She has no use for it in her career. Maybe you weren't intelligent enough to figure that out.You said your wife ticked all the boxes on Livvies list.
I guess she didn't tick the 'intelligent' box after all.
@aaarghdub,So I’ve noticed over the years that my spouse comes up with a lot of “we need to”, “we should”, “I want” ideas. Some good, some I could go either way. She feels connected “dreaming together.”
So what normally happens is, I indulge her and eventually she gets me to “yes” and I start knocking out the planning, the problem solving and execution. She then tunes out. She’s there for the shopping and when I tell her what I’m gonna do she says “have fun” and does something else (errands, stuff with kids) while I’m alone. When I try to connect afterwards by discussing everything that happened her responses are mostly“thanks babe”, “that sucks babe” and the conversation ends.
So basically she likes me playing along with her stuff and either disappears for mine or has no interest. She also never really seems to have a plan.
Okay so A) tell her that's how you feel! In fact, use that analogy because it's cute and not real mean or blaming. You feel like a nerd who's doing the cheerleader's homework, and she's the cheerleader! Next, she may not really, actually WANT a new house. She may just want that feeling of daydreaming together about growing older together, having a big house full of loved ones, having lots of people around the table for Thanksgiving, and having grandchildren at her knee when she celebrates a big birthday. That's cool--dream together! On the other hand, if she really does want a new house, then give her bite-size assignments, like this: "Okay let's talk tonight, and why don't you show me a couple areas you've found that you kind of like in the City of ____?" The end. If she doesn't do it, just brush it off and say "Oh no problem, I was busy too today. Let's take a raincheck until you've found a couple okay?"Now she wants to discuss a new house which I know will be death by a million details leaving the planning, problem solving and heavy lifting to me. So far her contribution is an idea and she got a job. Basically I see a lot of her showing up to discuss without any homework done. With her new job I feel this would the same as before: good idea fairy -> pass off -> enjoy finished efforts.
My question is how do I not accept the task of making it happen but not come off as aloof, unconcerned about it or playing “I have a secret”? I connect over problem solving but at this point I feel like the nerd constantly doing the cheerleader’s science project for her and she has no interesting in discussion the science project, just that it’s done.