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Hi All,

I badly wanted to talk to someone thats how I found this forum. I didnt want to talk to my parents,friends,relatives or my co-workers. They would be either judging me or sharing with other people or worried about me...didnt want any of it...

I always wanted to be a best wife for my husband. For the past five years I have been taking care of his needs, looking for his likes and dislikes, changing every aspect of me for him.

For example: Being a meat lover I ate only vegetarian food for him for about three years. After we found that I started becoming protein deficient he allowed me to cook and eat meat..He did change his attitude towards me eating meat after few years of marriage. Till then I had to go through lot of hurdles.

I always wanted to be a wife at home taking care of my kids. But then he wanted his wife to be a career woman . So I had to search job for some years. Now I am employed and have a 2 year old son and 1 year old daughter. We had to be seperated for sometime because of our career his job was in upstate NY and I had my job in NC. This was before our kids. Those were the best days of my marriage life. He called, he always cared about me, we used to exchange love message, he would visit me always every month. Those where our best days of my life. Now that we are back together again life is not anymore lovable. He quit his job to be back with the family. He his in job search. But not luck enough yet.
He has become very demanding. He helps me at times in the kitchen and with the kids. He always want to fight with me. He is always angry. After work, going back home for me is one of thing I started to hate. He is either very reluctant, doesnt want to speak or very demanding. He always finds fault in my cooking. I do cook sometime on a regular basis or cook on weekends that would last for two days in a week. He is not appreciative. He always talks that he is the one who sacrificed for the family and I am the one who is doing nothing for the family. Which is not true at all. I totally understand the problem since he is jobless he is going through tough times. But for me the job pressure, the kids at home and the way my husband treats me..I just cannot handle it.

One thing I hate to do is argue with him, so I take his shoutings as patiently as i can. I cry to myself and the next minute and I want to talk to him and be as normal as possible. Go to him back again. He does things such as not paying bills trying to make me understand that I cannot do things without him. I always try to make him feel that he is most needed. He always says that he doesnt want me, but I do reply saying that I want him..
One day I reached a frustrating point that I cannot take this anymore I told him how I felt. Didnt speak to him for a week which I have never done before. Now things are fine but not back to normal. He cooks for himself take cares of his needs doesn't bother me at all. It is ok the way it goes right now. But there is no kind of attachment towards us. We are just like two people at the same house. Doing whatever needs to be done at the house, we do talk to each other but everything is so emotionless. I dont know how I can get thing back to normal. I feel like all along I was going around him, I love him and still I do..I am sure he did too but I am not sure if he is anymore,he doesnt care about me..I really dont want this kind of life, right now I so confused and frustrated..
 
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