Hello.
My wife and I have been married for 3 years this June. We have known each other for about 5 years. I am 38, she is 39. We both travel for our jobs, I am a pilot, she is a consultant.
Last November-December, she told me she has been seeing a therapist. It caught me off guard, and initially I was upset that she hid that from me. During most of last year, our physical relationship wasn't really strong. Our sex life wasn't really strong, and I know I am partially to blame for that. She would mention that when she walked around naked that I wouldn't notice her. I don't know if this was because I was too comfortable in the marriage, or stress with work, or what.
In January she suggested we go to couples consoling. I wasn't a fan but agreed. We went maybe 4 times. I was open in all sessions, took the advice of the consouler, and from January til this past weekend, things have been really good for us. More intimate, better bond, feeling closer to each other. Fast forward to this past Saturday. I stumbled upon emails, showing she had been having an affair with a married guy at her work. The affair was about 10 months last year, ending in November. She was out in CA for work when I confronted her about it. I asked her Who Van was. She said a coworker. Then I asked if she had a relationship with him? Exchanged dirty emails? Had a sexual affair with him? She said No. I told her I saw the emails and hung up. She called back, sobbing, apologizing and saying it was true. I told her I didn't want to talk to her and hung up. Shortly after that, her password to gmail was changed (we have always been open with our passwords and not hiding anything). She bought a plane ticket on Saturday to fly home for the weekend. She leaves today to go back to CA for work for at least a week.
We talked about it, she admits she did wrong, and says she will do anything to make this work. She told me she deleted the emails. She said they serve no purpose anymore. I told her if anything is to work, I need passwords to everything. She agreed. I told her I was disappointed she never brought this up to me in the consoling session, as it wasn't fair to me. She agreed. She told me that i was not giving her the attention she needed, and when someone at work gave her that attention things happened. She admits it was wrong. I told asked her why she would not come to me sooner, take me to her therapist, get consoling when there was an urge to cheat. She didn't know. I told her when we met, I've been cheated on twice in the past with women I've dated, and that to never do that to me as that hurts the worst.
We don't fight much at all. Besides the lack of intimacy, I really have nothing bad to say about the marriage. She is very supportive. We both are paying down debt, have no kids yet, own a condo together, and planning for our futures together.
My question is, what do I do? One friend from college has told me that I should kick her out, call a lawyer and be done with it. He asked if I want to live my life as a "Warden" or "Corrections Officer" always having to look over her shoulders to make sure she is being truthful.
I've read trust can be rebuilt, and sometimes it is stronger than it was before an incident. I do love her, but I am just devastated. Any words to help during this rough time would be appreciated. Thank you for listening.
My wife and I have been married for 3 years this June. We have known each other for about 5 years. I am 38, she is 39. We both travel for our jobs, I am a pilot, she is a consultant.
Last November-December, she told me she has been seeing a therapist. It caught me off guard, and initially I was upset that she hid that from me. During most of last year, our physical relationship wasn't really strong. Our sex life wasn't really strong, and I know I am partially to blame for that. She would mention that when she walked around naked that I wouldn't notice her. I don't know if this was because I was too comfortable in the marriage, or stress with work, or what.
In January she suggested we go to couples consoling. I wasn't a fan but agreed. We went maybe 4 times. I was open in all sessions, took the advice of the consouler, and from January til this past weekend, things have been really good for us. More intimate, better bond, feeling closer to each other. Fast forward to this past Saturday. I stumbled upon emails, showing she had been having an affair with a married guy at her work. The affair was about 10 months last year, ending in November. She was out in CA for work when I confronted her about it. I asked her Who Van was. She said a coworker. Then I asked if she had a relationship with him? Exchanged dirty emails? Had a sexual affair with him? She said No. I told her I saw the emails and hung up. She called back, sobbing, apologizing and saying it was true. I told her I didn't want to talk to her and hung up. Shortly after that, her password to gmail was changed (we have always been open with our passwords and not hiding anything). She bought a plane ticket on Saturday to fly home for the weekend. She leaves today to go back to CA for work for at least a week.
We talked about it, she admits she did wrong, and says she will do anything to make this work. She told me she deleted the emails. She said they serve no purpose anymore. I told her if anything is to work, I need passwords to everything. She agreed. I told her I was disappointed she never brought this up to me in the consoling session, as it wasn't fair to me. She agreed. She told me that i was not giving her the attention she needed, and when someone at work gave her that attention things happened. She admits it was wrong. I told asked her why she would not come to me sooner, take me to her therapist, get consoling when there was an urge to cheat. She didn't know. I told her when we met, I've been cheated on twice in the past with women I've dated, and that to never do that to me as that hurts the worst.
We don't fight much at all. Besides the lack of intimacy, I really have nothing bad to say about the marriage. She is very supportive. We both are paying down debt, have no kids yet, own a condo together, and planning for our futures together.
My question is, what do I do? One friend from college has told me that I should kick her out, call a lawyer and be done with it. He asked if I want to live my life as a "Warden" or "Corrections Officer" always having to look over her shoulders to make sure she is being truthful.
I've read trust can be rebuilt, and sometimes it is stronger than it was before an incident. I do love her, but I am just devastated. Any words to help during this rough time would be appreciated. Thank you for listening.