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Im in a 3 year marriage with a new baby. Our marriage has been on the rocks way before the baby came along but we still stayed together. But now Im feeling ignored, unloved, and unhappy. I have informed my spouse of these feelings and the things he does to allow me to feel this way. But his response is always nonchalant and he continues to act nonchalant. I even try to offer to do romantic quality time events with him in the house and he always says hes going to sleep after I noticed him watching tv before I even asked the question or its always im arguing to prevent from doing anything. We sleep in seperate beds and I feel like Im single in my marriage. We dont go anywhere and he never wants to do anything together. Im getting tired of being ignored and feeling alone. The only reason Im here now is for my child to have both parents. It seems like when I try he ignores me and tells me no all the time how can you be in a marriage and dont feel loved. He doesnt do anything he did when we first got together and I told him that but he still says I want him to do what I want him to do. I dont know im hurt I dont know who to talk to and he doesnt want to go to couseling its his way or no way and if he doesnt want to talk which is all the time he ignores me and it is very dissapointing and i believe Im becomeing meaner and meaner Im starting to hate him and he doesnt even care. Im starting to see y people cheat becausce you tell the person what they doing wrong in the relationship and they still ignore you its a slap in the face.:confused::confused: Im ready to leave him but not in the right financial state to do it alone then again im trying to make it work only to be shut down everytime!!
 

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You say your marriage was on the rocks before the baby was born? Does that mean you feel you stayed together for the child?

Does your husband have a physical job? Is he tired when he comes home?

Does he help around the house? Are you a stay at home mom ( SAHM ) ?

Are you a member of any parenting groups? Do you have any interestes outside the family home?

A little more info would be welcome.
 

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I work away from home and I dont do any extracurriculiar activities outside of the home besides work. I was just saying we had problems before the baby arrived but no one ever left. Now the baby is here and its like I dont want to take her through our awkward marriage. Awkward meaning her dad always sleeps on the couch, no body shows affection to one another. We cant sit and have a decent conversation without my husband saying he doesnt want to talk or either gets mad about the topic of the conversation. For example, this weekend we were both off and the college in our town has a event every year. My family always participates in this function by grillling and inviting the family over. My husband was invitied he didnt want to go mind you their house is around the corner. And mind you he NEVER goes to any of my familys events. He is very Anti Social If I take my daughter anywhere Im always bymyself. I offer to do like endearing things with him like shower together he doesnt want to. Really, Im feeling un wanted and unloved. I think now it like my daughters here and he shows love for her but we have no love for each other. I feel like he has to try to get along with me in the house. I couldnt go to him and talk to him about certain things because one he ignores me and doesnt hold a conversation. Ive talked to my dad about it and he thinks that it is best to stay together for our child. But I feel I would be liveing a unhappy life. Ive told my husband Im un happy and he tells me I choose to be unhappy when I tell him Im going to leave he says hes going to do better and acts that way for a week and goes back to ignoring me. I grew up in a household with only my mother and father in seperate households. My father grew up in a household with his mother and father married. I wonder, did his dad treat his mom the way he treats me? I ask this becausce a kid learns first from their parents.
 

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It sounds more like you are in a marriage of 50 years than 3! I have a husband like yours and I feel ignored and unloved all the time. Yes, I tell him in a nice way and he just rolls his eyes. Some people show you all of their charm (or fake charm) and when you marry them, they change into different people or just stop being "charming."

I also know it's not easy to leave because of money. The new baby makes you even more stuck. I am not going to give you advice like "get marriage counseling" or "talk to him or write him a note." He knows how you feel, it sounds like he really doesn't care. The only way for his behavior not to bother you is to emotionally detach yourself from him, HOWEVER, it's only year 3 and you have a new baby. You shouldn't be considering these things so soon into the marriage.

It sounds like you are a single mother anyway, perhaps staying with a relative would be something to think about. Just remember, you cannot change another person no matter how hard you try so before the resentment eats you alive, you need some time away from this man.
 

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Do you tell him, or do you TELL him? Sometimes it's hard for us guys to differentiate when something's kinda bugging you or if it's really bugging you. Also men respond better to action than words. Instead of telling him what he's doing wrong, reward him when he does something right and I guarantee you'll see a difference. You should read Michele Weiner-Davis's Divorce Busting for more on how to get results by trying unintuitive tactics. I can tell you your husband does love you, and says so in his own ways (also read The 5 Love Languages). Whereas you express your love through loving acts like planning romantic dates, maybe he likes to cuddle or give you compliments. Please be direct with your husband. Tell him you are falling out of love with him, and say what you said here -- that you're beginning to see why people cheat. Be clear that he's really in deep **** and about to lose you. Whatever you do, do not have an affair.

I speak from experience. I was like your husband. I truly love my wife, and through a combination of me not being attentive and her not expressing herself clearly enough, our marriage is in deep trouble, she's having an affair, and we're both miserable. Read those books, DO NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR, and be painfully clear that he's about to lose you forever.
 

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Do you tell him, or do you TELL him? Sometimes it's hard for us guys to differentiate when something's kinda bugging you or if it's really bugging you. Also men respond better to action than words. Instead of telling him what he's doing wrong, reward him when he does something right and I guarantee you'll see a difference. You should read Michele Weiner-Davis's Divorce Busting for more on how to get results by trying unintuitive tactics. I can tell you your husband does love you, and says so in his own ways (also read The 5 Love Languages). Whereas you express your love through loving acts like planning romantic dates, maybe he likes to cuddle or give you compliments. Please be direct with your husband. Tell him you are falling out of love with him, and say what you said here -- that you're beginning to see why people cheat. Be clear that he's really in deep **** and about to lose you. Whatever you do, do not have an affair.

I speak from experience. I was like your husband. I truly love my wife, and through a combination of me not being attentive and her not expressing herself clearly enough, our marriage is in deep trouble, she's having an affair, and we're both miserable. Read those books, DO NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR, and be painfully clear that he's about to lose you forever.
 

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NotDoneYet feels so passionate about his feelings on this matter he had to post it twice!!! It's good advice and getting the male perspective is priceless.
 

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Women always think they're supposed to be "nice," and they don't understand that it isn't nice at all to complain frequently or throw responsibility onto someone else. They can't seem to give themselves permission to be bold and direct, because they feel "mean" when they do.

NDY is right on the money in a few ways. As a woman, I'll expand on a couple of the ideas that hopefully will be helpful...

Give yourself permission to shock him out of his complacency. How do you shock him? By being unexpected and having the kind of inner happiness that we all love to be around in other people. It doesn't have to be loud, brassy happiness, but it does have to be genuine.

If he doesn't want to talk, don't try. Instead, let him know you're going to meet a gal pal because you had such fun at your event that you've got to share it with someone. Don't tell him if he doesn't ask. Let your absence with your pal speak for you.

If you're feeling frisky, don't try to climb into the shower with him. Whisper that you're going to the bedroom to get frisky and if he's not there within five minutes, you'll be starting without him. And then do that - loudly.

In other words, if he wants to be isolated, let him experience how that isolation leaves HIM out of the fun.
 

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Do you tell him, or do you TELL him? Sometimes it's hard for us guys to differentiate when something's kinda bugging you or if it's really bugging you. Also men respond better to action than words. Instead of telling him what he's doing wrong, reward him when he does something right and I guarantee you'll see a difference.
Excellent advice for some folks! My wife was unhappy and did not really tell me. I tried to read into her actions as well as mostly negative words but it turned into put out this small fire.....then the next. I never really saw what was causing the fires until a bit too late in the marriage.
 
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