What are you unhappy about? What needs changed?
Honestly, I tried to articulate to my H last night what exactly I'm unhappy about and I had a hard time...I have a lot of resentment toward him over past things that I know I need to get over...but it's like a cycle of things are good...then somehow I don't measure up to my husband he FREAKS calls me names and tells me how his life sucks because of me...blah blah on and on...then we don't speak...things cool off and then we are okay again. Nothing ever gets addressed. I just want off the rollercoaster and I want us to communicate better. You all ought to see the WALL of marriage books I have...it's like I'm addicted to them, but my marriage never gets better...I have heard this so many times through the years. What I would suggest is that so long as you believe your happiness comes from someone else you will never find it. No person makes you happy or unhappy. The person responsible for that is the one standing in your mirror.
You can divorce this husband......but there is not a man alive that can make you happy.
That being said, I am sure it would help if you were satisfied with your marriage. What are the issues in your marriage that you would like to improve?
Yes, it would be helpful to know what is making both of you unhappy. I assume you are both on the same page and know what changes need to be made and you are both in this 100% to work through?What are you unhappy about? What needs changed?
Thank you! Indeed, that is what needs to happen and I kind of did lay some of it out for him, but I didn't really go all the way, because I didn't want to hurt him, but I did say I'm unhappy and that it can't go on like this....OP...
Sounds like you have to lay it all on the line with him.
First though look in the mirror at your part of this... it took you both to get here.
Literally have THE TALK.... list for him the things that make you want to dissolve the marriage. Ask him if he's willing to partner with you to resolve these issues together... tell him this is his one chance that you are already at the edge but fell you owe the marriage and him one last chance.
Give him that list... admit to him what you feel you did wrong to get here and ask him if there are any other concerns about yourself from his end. See where there is common ground and hold each other accountable. Have a future checkpoint to talk about progress if you both agree to take a marriage path.
What the issues are
That they need resolved
That it needs resolve in a reasonable time-frame
State why its hurting your marriage.
Don't be afraid to put it all out in the open... you have to.
Yes! Amen @ the bold! He does not and will not apologize or see his side of things. He says he had every right to say what he said or do what he did because I brought it all on myself.Resentment sticks around when the other person is not acknowledging his/her mistakes or participation in the issue that caused the resentment in the first place. Doesn't sound like your husband is owning up to past wrongs. So if he doesn't do that then our immediate response is to punish-punish-punish. That is why you can't let go. That is why you are continuously wanting him to "pay". He needs to understand that the only way to get to the other side of this problem is to go THROUGH it, not around it.
Trying2figureitout....I feel ya...I know I have to just go forward. I'm only 35 so it's not a mlc but I get what you are saying. I want to WORK on things and so does he, but I wonder if he really knows what it entails. It takes two. Also, I have never uttered ILYNILWY btw...although I think he may have said it to me in the past...just saying...but yes, I want to make this work and I want this marriage to finally THRIVE and not just survive as we have been doing.RESENTMENT....
Is like POISON you drink to make your spouse feel bad.
Drop it. My wife had to for our marriage to survive.
YEAR 17..is the same year my wife uttered ILYNILWY....
Its a MLC....flash point.
You can WORK to save your marriage and correct bad behaviors or not....
Divorce means you gave up.
I looked at ILYNILWY as an opportunity to correct out entire marriage.... thank my wife to this day for saying it!
Look at challenges as great opportunities.
Classic blameshifting. Hate that!!Yes! Amen @ the bold! He does not and will not apologize or see his side of things. He says he had every right to say what he said or do what he did because I brought it all on myself.
Then do it...wake him up and start on the same path.Trying2figureitout....I feel ya...I know I have to just go forward. I'm only 35 so it's not a mlc but I get what you are saying. I want to WORK on things and so does he, but I wonder if he really knows what it entails. It takes two. Also, I have never uttered ILYNILWY btw...although I think he may have said it to me in the past...just saying...but yes, I want to make this work and I want this marriage to finally THRIVE and not just survive as we have been doing.