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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
so yes i wrote several threads about the downhill in my marriage.
i know the 180 and im trying all i can do to do those things in the list, and the most important thing : do - not - engage policy.so far so good with the STBXH, he sleeps in the other room, being distant blablabla, dont care. im busy enough with all the moving out and new jobs.

but here's the glitch.

so i've got a job and already prepared myself to move out quick. but things got complicated because STBXH's parents are driving me nuts.
so this morning i was looking for a document to open a bank account for me. couldn't find it, so i had to ask STBXH. he told me that his mum got it. i asked him to get it asap because i kinda need it today [now]. tomorrow i already got plans and there'll be no time anymore before i move out.
he told me 'i'll get it later because i've to do blablabla'.
since i need it now, so i have no choice but going to his parents' place and get that bloody document.

and things get ugly.
i tried not to engage in the conversation, but my,y u no stfu, stopandmakecoffee?? i answered their questions! why i can't just say 'yes/no' ? -because there's no yes/no question.
they don't want me to move out, but STBXH wants me to move out, my mom wants me to move out, for heaven's sake, why i feel like a dumb fool and why i couldn't stop myself from answering their questions?!

no i didn't alienating anyone nor blame anyone. i said 'Im sorry' to them and 'if there's any chance i'd like to make things right; but if this is it,then so be it'. STBXMIL cried, STBXFIL looked sad, hugged me and blablabla -oh they didn't even realize that they also contribute to our separation- and i just couldn't shut up. not that i do all the rambling or pity me or please talk to your son blablabla, but why i just couldn't answer them with 'yes/no' only?

STBXFIL wants to have another sit down with both of us, but IDK.should i care? what should i say ? what do i do?

any input will be highly appreciated..
 

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Did you get the paper you need?

Your husband wants you to move out. You want to move out.

Just stall on the meeting with your STXFIL. Do what you need to do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Did you get the paper you need?

Your husband wants you to move you. You want to move out.

Just stall on the meeting with your STXFIL. Do what you need to do.
hi Elegirl, your advices are gold :)thanks to check this thread.
got em already, run like maniac to the bank before lunch break time.
i want to move out, but this STBXILs , they're sooo pushy.i don't want to run to a bottomless pit of their 'Matthew 19' preach, oh Lord not again. i can't stand seeing their son's face; i want to get the heck out of here; but they wont let me do it.
arrgh..
i can't keep on stalling because STBXILs and my parents are doing well together. they became friends, one way or another, they'll catch my tail,either sooner or later. even my mom supports me [dad is sick, heart condition. so he's not into this], she still wants me to leave them nicely.be polite, be civil.

what do i do? what do i say during the sit down? :(
 

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When do you plan to move out? When is this sitdown supposed to happen?

Can you move out BEFORE the sitdown?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
When do you plan to move out? When is this sitdown supposed to happen?

Can you move out BEFORE the sitdown?
i move out next week.
the sit down is today or maybe tomorow :( can't escape this thing
 

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Ok, since you cannot escape it.

Talk as little as possible. Take the attitude that you will listen to what they have to say. Just listen and nod your head a lot. Do not defend or explain yourself.

They want to give you advice… just listen.

To keep from talking, gently bite the tip of your tongue. There is a saying "bite your tongue", meaning "don't say anything". So do that... lightly bite your tongue and don't say anything. Just concentrate on your teeth and your tongue.

The less you talk, the more your husband might talk and sink himself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Ok, since you cannot escape it.

Talk as little as possible. Take the attitude that you will listen to what they have to say. Just listen and nod your head a lot. Do not defend or explain yourself.

They want to give you advice… just listen.

To keep from talking, gently bite the tip of your tongue. There is a saying "bite your tongue", meaning "don't say anything". So do that... lightly bite your tongue and don't say anything. Just concentrate on your teeth and your tongue.

The less you talk, the more your husband might talk and sink himself.

okay.will do ma'am.

now since i have a lot of things to do on my own, i don't think about R as much as I did. okay i still love him -do I? really? -
i don't want a man who doesn't want me [who said it ? im sure i read it somewhere here].
i still want to fight for this marriage, but all of this thing right now is too much.
so i'll bite my tongue then.i really hope this sit down whatever will end well for my side :(

thanks a bunch elegirl :)
 

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Let me know how the meeting went.

If you think you still love him.. the separation might help.

If he still loves you it might shock him into realizing that he is really going to lose you. If that happens do not move back with him right away. Just date him for a while and rebuild your relationship.

If he does not still love you, he will leave you alone. And then you will know for sure.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
well, apparently the sit down turned into sit stopandmakecoffee down.

this is so exhausting.STBXILs keep their pressure on me instead of their own son! WTF?! )(!()&!)(@!!!! what these people want from me? what else they could possibly want? why?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
no, Elegirl.
i still want to move out.the urge to leave is getting stronger.
im not letting them take the wheel.hell no.after all these years?! that's a hugeee no from my side.
 

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So what are they expecting you to do?

Do they see anything wrong with what their son is doing?

Don't they get that he wants you to leave?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 · (Edited)
Don't you wish it was as easy as just saying this directly to them? :eek:
it's easy, yes. but it gives me no benefit, DayDream..
that means im engaging. and i don't want to give them the slightest chance of 'hey look,i care about what you want'.

i hate this situation that they're blackmailing me, and using God's will as bargaining chip. i hate it,really.but im not letting them to think that i somehow give a cr4p about what they want.
 
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
So what are they expecting you to do?
never to step one foot outside their son's house, otherwise im a dead woman.literally, no monkey business. that's verbatim. and at the same time telling me how beautiful God's plans are if i stay.
what the hell is wrong with these people's brains???


Do they see anything wrong with what their son is doing?
their son is an angel.a frail, fragile, sensitive angel.and im just a woman with heart of stone.

Don't they get that he wants you to leave?
here's what they get : i want to leave him because i want a career and i want more money.ain't it pretty.


 

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it's easy, yes. but it gives me no benefit, DayDream..
that means im engaging. and i don't want to give them the slightest chance of 'hey look,i care about what you want'.

i hate this situation that they're blackmailing me, and using God's will as bargaining chip. i hate it,really.but im not letting them to think that i somehow give a cr4p about what they want.
I guess it's never dawned on them that maybe it's God's will that you leave your husband and have a better life? :scratchhead:
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I guess it's never dawned on them that maybe it's God's will that you leave your husband and have a better life? :scratchhead:
STBXMIL always thinks that a woman's place is in the church and kitchen.her son thinks the opposite.
im trapped in the middle because STBXH don't know how communicate with me//his mom.

he's a big boy in a diaper.


i seriously married the wrong guy.
 

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never to step one foot outside their son's house, otherwise im a dead woman.literally, no monkey business. that's verbatim. and at the same time telling me how beautiful God's plans are if i stay.
what the hell is wrong with these people's brains???
That sounds like a threat to me. People like them drive me nuts. Who are they to presume that they know "God's will".

You will be a lot better off away from this fake religious nonsense.


their son is an angel.a frail, fragile, sensitive angel.and im just a woman with heart of stone.
Well then he needs to be by him self because angels are non-human and non-sexual. Oh well :rolleyes:

here's what they get : i want to leave him because i want a career and i want more money.ain't it pretty.


Well their little talk is over with. Did you say much to them?
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
got a text from my Mum.that funnily sarcastic but gentle hearted old lady, hell of a woman.
i texted her about what's going on, and she replies me with:
'GANBATTE!it's your test,you will get through this because Jesus loves you. Ganbatte, my girl!'

*ganbatte ~ something japanesse says to encourage others.it's uncommon for a 50 yo granny to say , but my Mum said it. lol.


funny how two sets of religious parents act differently toward the same matter
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
That sounds like a threat to me. People like them drive me nuts. Who are they to presume that they know "God's will".
they;re pastors. 40 years of God's earthly works.
someone smash my head please..

You will be a lot better off away from this fake religious nonsense.
oh yeah, i bet i will. my parents are religious too, but they're not blind. but his parents still frown on women wearing shorts. for real. do not mention about his older brother [tau ke], he's even worse. MCP.



Well their little talk is over with. Did you say much to them?
no.like you said, i bite my tongue, nod, bite, nod.
and if there's question involving US [like there was one], i dodged it, saying : 'you might want to sit with your son first or sit us both together so there's no misunderstanding'

and last night when STBXMIL sat me down, STBXH saw it. later he asked 'what did my mom tell you?'
i told him : 'go ask her yourself, im not an USB port'

there. :rofl:
 
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