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Is she cheating?

  • Yes

    Votes: 19 95.0%
  • No

    Votes: 1 5.0%
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2 years with no sex. Why even care?
You’re here asking if she’s cheating. 99% of the time it’s a yes. But you’ve gone 2 years with no sex and are worried about cheating…. Just move on
Yes, this....

If you are the PRIMARY reason for having no sex in your marriage than what did you expect?

The cheating person is always wrong, but when you create circumstances that would lead a weak person to cheat, you need to take on some of that blame.

Have you consistently denied intimacy with her?
Have you cheated in the past and she knows about it?

I am NOT blaming you at this point, I just need some background information.

Thanks..
 

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This couple obviously needs a conversation starter. Divorce paperwork can provide that.
Agreed.

Marriages can go on for years and even decades with both parties ignoring and neglecting each other with nothing being done on either side to address it.

Divorce is at least taking an action that shakes up the status quo and prompts a change.
 

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Sorry @UCFKnights96 but as others have said I think you know the answer to your question already. However, as others have stated some things you can do:1) GPS on her car. 2) Some small VAR's in the living room and bedroom. 3) small video camera in bedroom and living room. 4) if you can afford it possibly a PI. Best of luck! I am afraid you are going to need it.
 

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Just want to see what people think. Given these facts is my wife cheating on me?

1. She has no interest in having sex with me.
2. She is on the pill even though I've had a vascectomy.
3. She deletes all her text messages and emails every couple days.
4. We both used to have location services turned on our phones, but she now keeps hers turned off. I've asked her to turn it back on, but she turns it back off after a day or two.

All of this has been going on for a couple years. She has an explanation for each one, but together looks suspicious. I've never caught her with anyone, but I go to work everyday, while she works from home alone every day.

Thanks in advance for your replies.
These are a lot of red flags. However, there are more reasons than preventing pregnancy that your wife's doctor could have her on birth control. These reasons might also affect her sex drive.

I think you need more information before confronting. If you confronted without proof, she would most likely deny and then take further steps to hide it. For that reason I would try investigating yourself first with voice activated recorders around the house and/or in her car and a GPS on her car. If you have the means you could hire a PI who would have access to high tech tools to get answers for you. I highly recommend the PI but they are not cheap. If you do find a cheap one then they probably aren't very good.

Good luck. I hope you get the answers you need and they're not something hurtful to your marriage.
 

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Just want to see what people think. Given these facts is my wife cheating on me?

1. She has no interest in having sex with me.
2. She is on the pill even though I've had a vascectomy.
3. She deletes all her text messages and emails every couple days.
4. We both used to have location services turned on our phones, but she now keeps hers turned off. I've asked her to turn it back on, but she turns it back off after a day or two.

All of this has been going on for a couple years. She has an explanation for each one, but together looks suspicious. I've never caught her with anyone, but I go to work everyday, while she works from home alone every day.

Thanks in advance for your replies.
Very very high.
 

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Secretly put a tracking device on her vehicle. If she's not giving you any puzzy, that's reason enough to ditch her, cheating or not.

Do the above. Get evidence and get out of there. Withdraw your husbandly support. Stop doing the things she relies on you for. Paying her credit cards, insurance, car registration, car inspection, chores, leaky toilets, all of that sh+t. Don't do it anymore.

New Year's resolution. Have an exit strategy in place. Get her out of your home. You don't have to leave by any means. Exit the marriage.
 

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Just want to see what people think. Given these facts is my wife cheating on me?

1. She has no interest in having sex with me.
2. She is on the pill even though I've had a vascectomy.
3. She deletes all her text messages and emails every couple days.
4. We both used to have location services turned on our phones, but she now keeps hers turned off. I've asked her to turn it back on, but she turns it back off after a day or two.

All of this has been going on for a couple years. She has an explanation for each one, but together looks suspicious. I've never caught her with anyone, but I go to work everyday, while she works from home alone every day.

Thanks in advance for your replies.
This feels like a gotcha question.

First you have only presented what you want to present.
Second there are plenty of reasons all 4 of these could exist without cheating.

You want to tell us more and get actual opinions or you just looking for a poll that you can point to and say. Ha! even the internet thinks you are cheating?
 

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This feels like a gotcha question.

First you have only presented what you want to present.
Second there are plenty of reasons all 4 of these could exist without cheating.

You want to tell us more and get actual opinions or you just looking for a poll that you can point to and say. Ha! even the internet thinks you are cheating?
This is my take-away as well. Some people want to be "right" more than they want to be happy and healthy. Instead of ending the relationship and moving on because they don't like each other and the marriage is basically dead in the water, he wants that "gotcha!" moment and to feel morally superior and feel justified in righteous indignation.

I think Instead of simply closing the book and moving on 2 years ago, he's looking for a weapon that he can whack her over the head with.

Now I suspect she is giving him that weapon, but the question that begs is whether he is actually morally superior and has the moral high ground at that point or not.
 

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This is my take-away as well. Some people want to be "right" more than they want to be happy and healthy. Instead of ending the relationship and moving on because they don't like each other and the marriage is basically dead in the water, he wants that "gotcha!" moment and to feel morally superior and feel justified in righteous indignation.

I think Instead of simply closing the book and moving on 2 years ago, he's looking for a weapon that he can whack her over the head with.

Now I suspect she is giving him that weapon, but the question that begs is whether he is actually morally superior and has the moral high ground at that point or not.
Agreed, but not necessarily about the moral superiority aspect of it. Sometimes, confirming something like this just makes it easier to leave the relationship and know 100% that you're doing the right thing. Even if it's your own behavior that's led to this in the first place.

Case in point, my ex wife checked out of our marriage some 2-3 years before she actually left. At the time, I didn't realize it as she had some mental health issues (anorexia, OCD) that clouded what was simultaneously going on in the background. When I put those issues aside, I realized that she was treating me poorly, ignoring me, and many other things (either consciously or subconsciously) as a means of making ME make the first move to end this or to make me do something to make me the bad guy, and justify her thoughts. To force my hand, in other words. Whether it was goading me into treating her like crap, straying from the marriage, or simply having enough and ending it - whichever way it worked out didn't matter - she wouldn't have been the "bad guy" and I would have left her.
 

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Agreed, but not necessarily about the moral superiority aspect of it. Sometimes, confirming something like this just makes it easier to leave the relationship and know 100% that you're doing the right thing. Even if it's your own behavior that's led to this in the first place.
I think you are actually saying the same thing. Tomayto vs tomawto.

It's still about being "right" and being able to claim moral superiority.

We all want to be able to justify our actions, not only to ourselves but to our friends and family and society in general as well (although no one really cares 1/100,000th of what we think they do)

A lot of people have trouble coming up to the figurative podium and announcing to the world that they are leaving their wife because she hasn't spoken to him or touched him in 2 years (people will invariably ask him if he's talked to her about it)

But since adultery is pretty universally villified, that gives him a pretty big moral stick that he can wield and he will at least feel like people should be on his side (some will. some wont, and most simply won't care)

It's still about wanting to be "right" and feeling justified in your own actions.
 

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This feels like a gotcha question.

First you have only presented what you want to present.
Second there are plenty of reasons all 4 of these could exist without cheating.

You want to tell us more and get actual opinions or you just looking for a poll that you can point to and say. Ha! even the internet thinks you are cheating?
2. She is on the pill even though I've had a vasectomy.

This second red flag really had me thinking.

She does not want to have your baby.
And, she may not trust your vasectomy, hence the added protection.

Or, maybe one of the below.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS): is a hormonal imbalance which causes irregular menstrual periods, acne, and excess hair growth. For girls whose menstrual periods are irregular (too few or not at all), birth control pills work by lowering certain hormone levels to regulate menstrual periods. When hormones are at normal levels, acne and hair growth often improve.

Endometriosis: Most girls with endometriosis have cramps or pelvic pain during their menstrual cycle. Birth control pills are often prescribed continuously to treat endometriosis and work by temporarily preventing periods. Since periods can cause pain for young women with endometriosis, stopping periods will usually improve cramps and pelvic pain.

Lack of periods (“amenorrhea”) from low weight, stress, or excessive exercise: Birth control pills may be prescribed to replace estrogen, which helps to regulate the menstrual cycle. Normal estrogen levels and healthy weight are important for healthy bones. If lack of periods is caused by low weight or an eating disorder, the best treatment is weight gain to a normal healthy weight and counseling to address body image and health.

Painful Periods (“Dysmenorrhea”): When over-the-counter medications don’t help with severe cramps, birth control pills may be the solution because they prevent ovulation and lighten periods.

Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS): Symptoms of PMS such as mood swings, breast soreness, weight gain and bloating, along with acne can occur up to 2 weeks before a young women’s period. Birth control pills may be prescribed to stop ovulation and keep hormone levels balanced. Symptoms may improve, particularly when oral contraceptive pills are prescribed continuously.

Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI): Birth control pills are often prescribed to girls who have ovaries that don’t make enough estrogen because of radiation and/or chemotherapy, a genetic condition such as Turner Syndrome, or other conditions. The goal of this treatment is to regulate the menstrual cycle and help keep bones healthy.

Heavy Menstrual Periods: Birth control pills can reduce the amount and length of menstrual bleeding.

Acne: For moderate to severe acne, which over-the-counter and prescription medications haven’t cured, birth control pills may be prescribed. The hormones in the Pill can help stop acne from forming. Be patient though, since it can take take several months before you see an improvement with your skin.

Other Medical Benefits

Because there is less menstrual bleeding when taking birth control pills, you are less likely to get a medical condition called anemia (low number of red blood cells, which carry oxygen from the lungs to the tissues). Birth control pills also lower your chance of getting endometrial (lining of the uterus) cancer, ovarian cancer, and ovarian cysts.
 
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2. She is on the pill even though I've had a vasectomy.

This second red flag really had me thinking.

She does not want to have your baby.
And, she may not trust your vasectomy, hence the added protection.

Or, maybe one of the below.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS): is a hormonal imbalance which causes irregular menstrual periods, acne, and excess hair growth. For girls whose menstrual periods are irregular (too few or not at all), birth control pills work by lowering certain hormone levels to regulate menstrual periods. When hormones are at normal levels, acne and hair growth often improve.

Endometriosis: Most girls with endometriosis have cramps or pelvic pain during their menstrual cycle. Birth control pills are often prescribed continuously to treat endometriosis and work by temporarily preventing periods. Since periods can cause pain for young women with endometriosis, stopping periods will usually improve cramps and pelvic pain.

Lack of periods (“amenorrhea”) from low weight, stress, or excessive exercise: Birth control pills may be prescribed to replace estrogen, which helps to regulate the menstrual cycle. Normal estrogen levels and healthy weight are important for healthy bones. If lack of periods is caused by low weight or an eating disorder, the best treatment is weight gain to a normal healthy weight and counseling to address body image and health.

Painful Periods (“Dysmenorrhea”): When over-the-counter medications don’t help with severe cramps, birth control pills may be the solution because they prevent ovulation and lighten periods.

Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS): Symptoms of PMS such as mood swings, breast soreness, weight gain and bloating, along with acne can occur up to 2 weeks before a young women’s period. Birth control pills may be prescribed to stop ovulation and keep hormone levels balanced. Symptoms may improve, particularly when oral contraceptive pills are prescribed continuously.

Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI): Birth control pills are often prescribed to girls who have ovaries that don’t make enough estrogen because of radiation and/or chemotherapy, a genetic condition such as Turner Syndrome, or other conditions. The goal of this treatment is to regulate the menstrual cycle and help keep bones healthy.

Heavy Menstrual Periods: Birth control pills can reduce the amount and length of menstrual bleeding.

Acne: For moderate to severe acne, which over-the-counter and prescription medications haven’t cured, birth control pills may be prescribed. The hormones in the Pill can help stop acne from forming. Be patient though, since it can take take several months before you see an improvement with your skin.

Other Medical Benefits

Because there is less menstrual bleeding when taking birth control pills, you are less likely to get a medical condition called anemia (low number of red blood cells, which carry oxygen from the lungs to the tissues). Birth control pills also lower your chance of getting endometrial (lining of the uterus) cancer, ovarian cancer, and ovarian cysts.
Yes doctor's often time prescribe pills for things other than birth control like irregular periods or heavy period

The list OP gave is certainly a red flag list. But he doesn't mention how the relationship actually is going.
There are many men that come here with attitudes I wouldn't have sex with even if married. When people act controlling then often time the controlled rebel. There's medical and such. Anyway I agree with the people that say neither of you sound happy.

You should do some due diligence like a VAR but you should also figure out why your marriage sounds sad.
 
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