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Given the Choice

7K views 65 replies 25 participants last post by  missymrs80 
#1 ·
I thought about this this morning and wanted to ask everyone here. Someone in another thread I was commenting on made a statement about an attractive scale number.

I have stated before that I am not physically attracted to my wife.
If given the option between two women/men who had very similar personalities, ideals, and beliefs, would you rather be with someone (long term relationship, marriage) who was really good in bed and you had sex often with (often by your own standards) but is a 5 or with someone who is just okay in bed and you only have sex occasionally (by your own standards) but is closer to an 8?

I know it is hypothetical, but this is the question I have in my head quite often.
 
#6 ·
Yes, if you take the personality into account when judging how attracted you are to someone. But what about that glance across the room and first look at someone when you don't know them. That perception of looks is what I am talking about.
Yes, in a marriage we all know about the feelings and love and how all of that impacts perception. That is not what I am talking about.
 
#10 ·
I don't understand the question. I guess because it's hypothetical...

But, I may find someone a 5, but to someone else he'd be a 10. Or the other way around. I think my husband is a 10 and he's amazing in bed...but to someone else it could be not so.

Your wife will be a 10 to someone. Appreciate her or not, but wow...do you even want to be married?
 
#14 ·
I thought my husband was the hottest man I'd ever seen. And then he spoke and I was sure of it. But what I think is "the hottest ever" won't be hot for someone else.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's so true.

I had nice looking men with mediocre sex and it just wasn't cutting it because I'm HD.

So thankfully I got a HD man whom I thought was hot.
 
#15 ·
I can honestly answer the OP's question. My husband was not what I would have been attracted to in the slightest. He is 6/7" shorter than me, and looked nothing like the men I typically would have gone for. However, he pestered me until I went out with him. Our first night in bed, I knew he was the one for me. He might not have physically drawn me, but his skill hooked me.

So, I would rather have a '5', who is skilled and loves often...because that is what makes someone a 10.
 
#22 ·
If given the option between two women/men who had very similar personalities, ideals, and beliefs, would you rather be with someone (long term relationship, marriage) who was really good in bed and you had sex often with (often by your own standards) but is a 5 or with someone who is just okay in bed and you only have sex occasionally (by your own standards) but is closer to an 8?
No question I'd take the 5. I firmly believe that the best sex I've had in my life has been the result of a great relationship outside of the marriage bed. If I'm having mediocre sex with the 8, then we're not clicking outside of the bedroom. If I'm having hot sex often with the 5, then we have a fantastic relationship and marriage that is most likely fulfilling me in many ways other than sex. When I'm in bed with my wife and the sex is sizzling, I'm seeing nothing but inner beauty and radiance. I couldn't help but love the 5 and want to be her lovin' man.
 
#25 ·
In that situation you are taking into account other variables besides just the sex. I recognize that there are other aspects to a fulfilling relationship. For me personally, sex is important, but it would be more pleasing to me to be with someone who is the 8.
I want to be able to look across a public room, see a woman standing there and say "damn she is hot" without even realizing it is my wife. That kind of physical attraction.
 
#30 ·
To me, my DW is 8, but she sees herself as 6. I still remembered the first time I look at her, her eyes and her smile are what really draws me to her. Sex with her is always great to me, though I feel that she don't feel the same.
To her, maybe I am 6 (tall, white, handsome), but lack muscle and side whiskers (that's what she consider attractive and sexy on man). But she said that I change into 8 when I'm on top of her as we make love.
 
#32 ·
I have to ask gbrad, are you over a 5 or a 5.5 looks wise? A lot of men think dating a woman who is much better looking than you doesn't bode well.

I however think you are to fixated on this 8 out of ten looks thing. Why is it so important for you? I think there has to be some underlying issue as to why you're so fixated on looks.

And just to let you know, I've been told I'm quite a looker and have many friends and acquaintances whom I would consider 8-10 out of 10 (by my scale for women is much more harsh than men)

And as much as I love my friends, a lot of the hot ones act entitled in their relationships. Their men put them on a pedastool due to looks and let them get away with murder. Not to mention how high maintenance some of them are. And insecure too. I've noticed this about a lot of really hot women. For instances one of my close friends who always turns heads was astounded that it only takes me 20min to get ready. Takes her 1-1 1/2 hours, yep.... that long

Now before I get flamed by a bunch of hot women with awesome personalities I was just speaking from my own experiences with uber hot women. That's just a small example of hot women everywhere.
 
#37 ·
I have to ask gbrad, are you over a 5 or a 5.5 looks wise? A lot of men think dating a woman who is much better looking than you doesn't bode well.

I however think you are to fixated on this 8 out of ten looks thing. Why is it so important for you? I think there has to be some underlying issue as to why you're so fixated on looks.

And just to let you know, I've been told I'm quite a looker and have many friends and acquaintances whom I would consider 8-10 out of 10 (by my scale for women is much more harsh than men)

everywhere.
I consider myself a 6.5. As much as I think an 8 would be nice, I would be quite happy with someone closer to a 7. To me, a 7 is someone who is good looking and can still turn some heads.
 
#33 ·
If the love is there, a 5 to everyone else is a 10 in your own head.

As such, give me the 5 every time and let me have sex so often my balls look like raisins.
 
#35 ·
There are different things for each person that are "graded" more important than others. I love the cuddly, broad shouldered football player build and don't care about a man being 'cut' and really dislike string-beans. But I know people who are really in to those things. I love a nice smile and good oral hygiene is important to me. I know a guy who is fit and otherwise attractive but chews tobacco and his teeth are gross.

My BF is an 8.5 facially and probably a 6 physically but because I love his eyes, broad shoulders and great smile, his over all SA rank to me is about an 8. I think I'm about a 7.5 or 8. Body a bit chunky, smile a plus, pretty good w/ very few lines. But I have NO IDEA what he thinks. He hasn't complimented anything in particular.
 
#36 ·
Good Question gbrad. I've often wondered the same thing in reverse. Would I be happier with a women who wasn't as good looking as my wife and wasn't LD.

There are so many other things I love about my wife besides her looks though. As I am discovering I need much more than just a pretty face and hot body. Sexy is just as much and attitude as it is a look. Ask any women who has talked to a hot guy only to find out he's got the personality of a brick.

I don't have an answer for you really. Perhaps only that we all look the same with the lights off. Turn out the lights, turn up the heat and get between the sheets. :)
 
#38 ·
As I have stated I understand that personalities can play a large part in how we view our partners. At the same time, physical attraction on its own is important. As for turning out the lights and getting between the sheets. Given the choice, I would rather have the chance to hang out together in the light and love the view the entire time.
 
#43 ·
Problem with that question to me, is that in my opinion of a "5" the only way to get to that point or below means you have really poor health and attitude and energy... or in the case that they really have great personality, energy and enthusiasm, and take care of them, in order to be a 5 they would have to be insanely hideously physically unnatractive. A 5 doesn't put out, so your example is fictional ;)

To me, my ex W started as a 7.5, dropped to a 7 (which is fine because that is where I put myself), but after having our child her looks, personality and health all slid way down, no enthusiasm, she dropped to below a 5 for sure (maybe a 6 in looks but a 4 in personality)

Rank is determined largely in part by looks, but you can't truly separate the personality and attitude numbers out of the equation... there is no comparing a "5" who puts out with a "8" who doesn't, because with the right attitude a 5 looker can be an 8, and with a sour personality an 8 looker can be a 5. rank is an overall package value.
 
#44 · (Edited)
My husbands friends used to ask him "how did you get her and does she have a sister that looks like that?" LOL

I have never though about the "rank" before now. I have no idea what my "rank" is or my husbands~ Don't care much either =) but i would have to say doesn't really matter as long as they put out, a lot, but there has to be attraction, if there isn't it will never work!
 
#45 ·
Exactly, there has to be attraction. To me, a 5 is someone you are not attracted to. They might not be ugly, but they are not attractive either. And I guess for me, I care more about looks and the physical attraction than I do about the putting out.
 
#51 ·
I couldn't be with someone who I thought was HOT but they never put out. GAWD! What hell that would be.
Yes she does think I am better looking than her. I am not trying to be conceded there, just going off of what I do know and what is said her at home. No, she does not know what I honestly think about her looks. I don't want to make her feel any worse than she already does about it.

I never said be with someone hot who NEVER puts out. Just someone who you have sex with less often than you would want. You still get to have sex with them.
 
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