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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm trying to follow the advice for dealing with a spouse in a MLC. I'm not saying I love you, I'm not pursuing her, etc.

given this, should I give her a gift for Valentine's Day? Even though the advice is to not pursue the spouse by giving gifts, I think this is an exception because I would be cast as a jerk for not giving her something.

What's the general opinion?
 

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I'm trying to follow the advice for dealing with a spouse in a MLC. I'm not saying I love you, I'm not pursuing her, etc.

given this, should I give her a gift for Valentine's Day? Even though the advice is to not pursue the spouse by giving gifts, I think this is an exception because I would be cast as a jerk for not giving her something.

What's the general opinion?
How would you feel in the reverse?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I agree. I would need to know why you are doing the 180 to give an opinion. Maybe the other posters do....I'm pretty new here.
Right now, I'm doing the 180 primarily to give her space to get through her issues. In the back of mind, I realize I should be doing the 180 primarily to prepare myself to survive a divorce. But I'm not there yet.

I want to save my marriage, but the problem is with her and I cannot fix her, she needs to fix herself.
 

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Right now, I'm doing the 180 primarily to give her space to get through her issues. In the back of mind, I realize I should be doing the 180 primarily to prepare myself to survive a divorce. But I'm not there yet.

I want to save my marriage, but the problem is with her and I cannot fix her, she needs to fix herself.
You should be your self./without games.If that's not good enough then OH well..neither would a game of pretending something else of been..
 

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Married couples often do not feel that they need to give gifts on Valentine’s Day. Yet what harm would it be to give something from our heart to you once-sweetheart. Even if you are working through hard times you should not neglect the little things that may melt another’s heart. Divorce on the horizon makes it even more important to give Valentine’s Day gifts; especially if you have given Valentine’s Day gifts in the past. If you neglect to give her a gift, she may believe in her heart that now is the time to call it quits; you just don’t care. You are giving her space to work through her issues, but a little token is not an act of pursuing her. You will feel much better if you listen to your instincts. I know how hurt I am when my husband forgets; especially when we are having marital problems.Save My Marriage
 

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I wouldn't give her a gift on Valentine's Day, if I were you. Just tell her you are losing your love for her and don't think she's your "valentine" any more.

Heck, do friends with benefits give each other Valentine's Day gifts? No. Do people staying just for kid's sake give each other Valentine's Day gifts? No.

Start giving her her own medicine.
 

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The 180 is about protecting yourself and getting to a place of "meh". You are not in meh if you want to buy her a gift, you are trying to nice her back. DON'T. Give your precious daughters valentines gifts, but not the wife. A small consequence, she doesn't want to be your wife - so no gift.
 
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