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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am a bit torn.

I have an opportunity to go to a carribean destination that i travel to frequently with my husband..with my best female friend.

I want to go. Hubby seems to be ok with it.

It will be in June and it is at an all inclusive resort. Hubby and I have been to this resort many times and the staff knows of us. in fact we were there the last two weeks of october and are returning in four weeks together.

Hubbys best friend (canadian like us) lives there..ten min from resort with his wife and our two godchildren so from a safety point of view I am fine...I will have their spare car for the duration and also if we had a problem, one phone call and I will have our friends helping us.

My marriage is strong. My best friends marriage is also strong..but she is used to her husband going fishing..hunting..ect for days on end. She is no stranger to seperate time alone. I am.

Hubby says he is ok with it and I know that we are just two mid forties girlies looking to relax on the beach with our kindles and some drinks.. we will NOT go to the discos ect. and believe me I have been over 40 times to the dominican republic, and I KNOW that we will be hit on by the resort workers..hell it happens even when i am with hubby..they just wait till he is gone for a bit :rofl: I am in their main target group...so is my best friend..over forty and white..:rofl: aiiii maiiimmmii..lmao. I am immune to their wiles..lol.

just looking to see if anyone else ever takes seperate vacations. I will say that my husband went there for a week in aug by himself although he did not stay on resort , he stayed with our friends for the birth of our second godchild. I was invited too but could not get off work. I missed him like crazy.

so what do you think?

Do you think this is ok??
 

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I don't see anything wrong with it. More importantly, your husband doesn't see anything wrong with it.

What is your concern about it? That you will miss him?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
thanks mm and nora.. I think my concern is that after being on these boards for a couple years now, I see GNO and seperate vacations become a gateway for trouble.

I trust my husband to be without me and I know he trusts me too..I just want to make sure that it is within normal marriage boundries. We have been married ten years this year. I only did this once before and it was for the birth of our first godchild and my husband could not get off work. That time was much like my husbands "vacation" in august..all time spend in a dusty barrio and a hospital on the other side of the island so the baby could be born in one of the better hospitals. not really the same thing as laying on the beach with a pina colada..a book reader ..and my best friend.
 

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Of course it's okay as long as you both are fine with it.

In my marriage it wouldn't be okay but everyone is different. We don't do separate vacations (personal preference) but I know plenty of people who do and they are fine.
 

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thanks mm and nora.. I think my concern is that after being on these boards for a couple years now, I see GNO and seperate vacations become a gateway for trouble.

I trust my husband to be without me and I know he trusts me too..I just want to make sure that it is within normal marriage boundries.
Don't let TAM scare you from living your life. This place is a magnet for people with troubled marriages. That doesn't mean that you have to operate in your marriage as though it is troubled.

Appropriate boundaries are what YOU and YOUR HUSBAND think are appropriate, not TAM.

I go on vacations without my guy, and he goes without me, and we have no issues. I had the opportunity to visit Dubai with a friend who was speaking at a conference - I went, had a great time, and no harm done. I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on that amazing experience just because TAM says it's danger! danger! danger! My guy scuba dives and I don't always want to or can't make work schedules work out to go, so I send him off with his brother to an island to dive. I wouldn't want to deprive him of what he loves doing so much just because TAM says it's dangerous.

LIVE your life. Don't let TAM freak you out so much that you get paranoid and limit yourself just because other people in troubled marriages have had issues with something.
 

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Here's what I think....

If this place is like Hedonism where it's mostly singles going looking to get drunk and hook up with women, then it makes no sense for you to go to this place on vacation, since you are a married woman. I would wonder why you even want men tryng to hit on you as part of a vacation experience. Yes men will always hit on you, but certian places are sexual hookup facilitators BY DESIGN... So those are places for a married people to avoid.

You can go to many places on the east coast of the USA that offer a non party atmosphere and give you everything you are seeking in your vacation with your friend... Why go to a party / singles / pickup place?
 

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If you are both secure in your marriage, there is nothing wrong with a girl's getaway vacation. Go and have a blast!!! (Yep, Kindle and drinks on a sunny beach = a blast to me!)
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
thanks guys and girls. I guess I am overthinking this. bottom line is that we love punta cana and have many friends there now..it has always been OUR place to escape to four times per year lol. We actually had this friend and her husband join us on one of our 2012 trips (january) and had a blast with them.

Maybe I am feeling guilty just about leaving hubby behind when I know that it is his favourite place on the planet ...roll on retirement!!

We have talked and his expectations are... no discos..no going out with staff other than one particular staff member that is much older than us and we have met his entire family...no driving anywhere at night (those who have been to dominican republic will understand this lol..no streetlights hardly..highbeams on every car and moto..and cows seem to like to lay on the warm ashphalt at night lol ) both of us turn in at the same time every night..no leaving one in the lobby bar or anything..using the special door safety device my hubby bought..and monitoring our alcohol intake as to still be able to make good decisions. No problem with any of these expectations on either mine or my friends side.
 

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If the shoe was on the other foot would you be OK if your husband went with a guy friend?
The locals hitting on him. If you answer yes, then go and relax and have a good time.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Here's what I think....

If this place is like Hedonism where it's mostly singles going looking to get drunk and hook up with women, then it makes no sense for you to go to this place on vacation, since you are a married woman. I would wonder why you even want men tryng to hit on you as part of a vacation experience. Yes men will always hit on you, but certian places are sexual hookup facilitators BY DESIGN... So those are places for a married people to avoid.

You can go to many places on the east coast of the USA that offer a non party atmosphere and give you everything you are seeking in your vacation with your friend... Why go to a party / singles / pickup place?
it is not like hedonism at all. in fact it is an adults only resort catering to the forty and over crowd..most will be couples..just in the dominican republic most workers try their best to get money...so they target the tourists..it is what it is..smart women dont fall for it..

so to reiterate..it is NOT a party place at all. The reason we got this opportunity is that she won two westjet vouchers to the carribean..my hubby said NO to anywhere other than punta cana..as i know it well..have driven it often..and his best friend lives there..and is the canadian consulate for the area..so we have help if something goes wrong..we could have gone to cuba..mexico ect..but that was vetoed by my husband.
 

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Is the friend you would be going with married or single? Is she known as a party girl? Or a homebody? or what?

My wife has gone on separate vacations. 4 of them. 3 to Hawaii with other married women who I trust completely, and 1 to Mexico with her mother, sister and cousin. I was ok with it. But I wouldn't be ok with her going with a single woman, especially if that single woman was known for going out trolling for men.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
If the shoe was on the other foot would you be OK if your husband went with a guy friend?
The locals hitting on him. If you answer yes, then go and relax and have a good time.
Posted via Mobile Device
yes richie...when we are down there (four times a year..going a month from yesterday whooo hoo) he goes out with his best friend all the time..and leaves me on resort or visiting with the best friends wife. Yes he gets hit on. Hell he gets hit on in front of me..I trust him. besides....these girls and guys are pros..and god knows WHAT diseases they have..we are very aware
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Is the friend you would be going with married or single? Is she known as a party girl? Or a homebody? or what?

My wife has gone on separate vacations. 4 of them. 3 to Hawaii with other married women who I trust completely, and 1 to Mexico with her mother, sister and cousin. I was ok with it. But I wouldn't be ok with her going with a single woman, especially if that single woman was known for going out trolling for men.
working on me..

my friend is married for 22 years..her only marriage. she is not a party girl at all. At home our girls DAYS out consist of spring rolls and two glasses of wine each at our local thai restaurant after shopping at winners and the mall in the morning. neither one of us in our 9 year friendship have gone out together in the evenings unless it it to a dinner date WITH our husbands.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
thanks guys and gals..I think i just need to stop feeling guilty ..lol

last time (and only time) i went to punta cana alone was for the birth of our first godchild..i felt SO guilty then too. I actually cooked seven meals for all the nights i would be gone and froze them with sticky notes on them how to defrost and reheat..and baked cookies and muffins and banana bread so he had snacks for work.. If i know ME.. I will do the same again..lol..
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
lol...kinda hard to do naked skype from the lobby bar..lmao..no internet in rooms..but hey..if you say SO.. i think i may need a little extra wine though
 
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