Girlfriend on vacation with ex. Need opinions please!!

53488 Views 271 Replies 65 Participants Last post by Madman1, Nov 13, 2012

imjustlost

Discussion Starter · Oct 29, 2012 (Edited)

My gf of 5 months is on vacation with her ex; on a trip she originally invited me to go on. Before meeting up with him, and flying out, she sends me a chat message that she loves me and wished i was there through Google chat ( we use that instead of texting on our phones) and then she signs off!! She has been signed off for the whole night and morning and now I'm just livid.

I feel so disrespected, foolish and don't even know where to begin to address this with her. She clearly did not want to be disturbed when meeting up with him, clearly that is the case but is there any hope for a relationship that this occurs in???
I feel its not, am I overreacting?
I need advice on how to respond as well, I am livid right now and don't want to overreact.
Please give me your thoughts...Thank you.

EDIT 1:
Going dark, cutting off communication:
Facebook unfriended
Instagram blocked
Google+ photo album blocked
Number deleted
Hitting the gym
Lawyering up
wait wut

EDIT 2:
OK, phonecall number 1 incoming...

voicemail transcript

Hey imjustlost. So I woke up today find myself seemingly deleted from your life I think there was no explanation. I'm sure we'll talk about this. Because I'm deleted from your life with no explanation.

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Benevolence

· #2 · Oct 29, 2012

Be thankful you only invested 5 months. No matter what she says to you, you will have no way of knowing if its true or not. Cut your losses and move on.

An ex is just that..... EX.. finished and done with.

Reactions: 5

SlowlyGettingWiser

· #3 · Oct 29, 2012

This doesn't look good, but need some more info:

Why DIDN'T you go?
Is trip one that SHE PAID FOR and is non-refundable?
How long was this trip planned?
How long were she and ex together?
Do she and ex have any kids?
How old are you?
How old is she?
Why does SHE say she and ex broke up?

Malaise

· #4 · Oct 29, 2012

imjustlost said:
My gf of 5 months is on vacation with her ex; on a trip she originally invited me to go on. Before meeting up with him, and flying out, she sends me a chat message that she loves me and wished i was there through Google chat ( we use that instead of texting on our phones) and then she signs off!! She has been signed off for the whole night and morning and now I'm just livid.

I feel so disrespected, foolish and don't even know where to begin to address this with her. She clearly did not want to be disturbed when meeting up with him, clearly that is the case but is there any hope for a relationship that this occurs in???
I feel its not, am I overreacting?
I need advice on how to respond as well, I am livid right now and don't want to overreact.
Please give me your thoughts...Thank you.

The only relationship here is the gf and the ex. If you think that you are anywhere in the equation you are dead wrong. YOU are now the ex.

How does she invite the ex on a vac and expect to keep up the illusion that she is with you?

You know they are having sex daily, right?

And you think that you and she are still together?

When she gets back keep some dignity and tell her to eff off.

You are under reacting if that's possible.

Reactions: 5

imjustlost

Discussion Starter · #5 · Oct 29, 2012

Why DIDN'T you go?

She said she didn't feel comfortable with me spending the money while going through my divorce (I'm going through a divorce)

Is trip one that SHE PAID FOR and is non-refundable?

They each paid their share. Originally there was a third party who backed out (conveniently???).

How long was this trip planned?

four months

How long were she and ex together?

4 years

Do she and ex have any kids?

no kids, engaged to be married, she broke it off

How old are you?

35

How old is she?

24

Why does SHE say she and ex broke up?

She was unhappy and they were like roommates rather than partners.

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imjustlost

Discussion Starter · #6 · Oct 29, 2012

Malaise said:
When she gets back keep some dignity and tell her to eff off.

You are under reacting if that's possible.

What do I tell her now??? Just that I am so ****ing pissed I can't even talk to you until you get back? Have fun with your ex on vacation???

DayDream

· #7 · Oct 29, 2012

I didn't even need to read past the Title of the thread. WTF??

Reactions: 5

TBT

· #8 · Oct 29, 2012

She went on a vacation with her ex when you were supposed to go...blatant disrespect and lack of fidelity...you are in no way overreacting.Imo there's not much more to say except goodbye.

Reactions: 2

827Aug

· #9 · Oct 29, 2012

"Girlfriend on vacation with ex" is self-explanatory. No need to over think this one.

Reactions: 1

Malaise

· #10 · Oct 29, 2012

imjustlost said:
What do I tell her now??? Just that I am so ****ing pissed I can't even talk to you until you get back? Have fun with your ex on vacation???

Do you honestly think that you have a relationship with a woman who goes on a trip with another man, ex or not?

You know what they are doing, every day of that trip?

Tell her it's over or be a cuckold.

Look up the term if you don't know it.

There is NO relationship here. Both of them are laughing at you as they screw like rabbits.

YOU KNOW THIS.

Reactions: 2

SlowlyGettingWiser

· #11 · Oct 29, 2012

What do I tell her now??? Just that I am so ****ing pissed I can't even talk to you until you get back?

Tell her NOTHING. Do NOT answer IMs; do NOT answer calls; do NOT answer texts (delete them UNREAD).

There is NOTHING this GIRL can say to you to justify this behavior. Sounds to me like she is way too immature to be marrying anybody (hence, the broken engagement). She should also NOT be dating anybody 'exclusively' as she, apparently, doesn't understand how THAT works, either.

Were you paying for everything in your relationship with her? Lending her money? Paying a few of her bills? Because this sounds pretty much like gold-digger behavior IMHO. Screw you enough to get what she wants, but continue to do what SHE wants the rest of the time.

I would GO DARK on her PERMANENTLY. You are NEVER HOME if she stops by. You NEVER answer her calls. You DELETE all voicemail messages THE SECOND you recognize her voice. You DELETE ALL texts from here UNREAD. You do NOT RESPOND to ANY TEXTS from her.

She made HER intentions clear when she got on a plane with another man (after un-inviting you). She declared any viable relationship with you OVER when she agreed to go away on a vacation with her ex.

I say, you owe her NOTHING. No note, no IM, no discussion, no nothing. C'mon, REALLY? Do you HONESTLY THINK she won't figure this out during her vacay with ex-fiance? If she CAN'T figure it out, then consider yourself well-rid of one dumb bimette.

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imjustlost

Discussion Starter · #12 · Oct 29, 2012

****. OK, so go dark? I feel like I should at least call her out and tell her not to contact me anymore.

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

· #13 · Oct 29, 2012

I don't know the answer to that, but I don't think he's an ex. I think he's current. She had no intentions of you going on this trip. I'm unsure why it was planned and why you were invited in the first place.

This woman is toxic. She is cheating on you and your being played for a fool. There are better women out there.

SlowlyGettingWiser

· #14 · Oct 29, 2012

Uh, that would be contacting her!

Look, she shouldn't REALLY need for you to explain that you're p*ssed off about this situation; that it's NOT OKAY with you; that this is NOT how people in relationships act. She's 24, not 4 !!

Let her go, she's a game-player (and you didn't answer my questions about the possibility of her being a gold-digger.)

YOU NEED to get into IC. You're making unfortunate choices to ameliorate the pain of a cheating STBXW. Get into counseling and straighten yourself out so you can have a GOOD relationship with a GOOD WOMAN (not a girl-toy, Barbie-doll who can't act like an adult).

You need to show your children the RIGHT way to live. THAT is your DUTY as a father. Get straightened up for yourself and for THEM.

Reactions: 2

alphaomega

· #15 · Oct 29, 2012

Why? She went dark on you.

Have you READ no more mr. Nice guy?

imjustlost

Discussion Starter · #16 · Oct 29, 2012

Never paid for anything for her outside of food which we mostly split. All great points everyone, thank you.

JCD

· #17 · Oct 29, 2012

imjustlost said:
****. OK, so go dark? I feel like I should at least call her out and tell her not to contact me anymore.

She has a number of things at your house, I'm sure. Pack them into a box.

Go to her apartment. Find that old lady who is a gossip. Give HER the box to hold onto for your ex. Tell her this is the rest of her stuff. Leave the sex toys and birth control on the very top of the pile of stuff.

That is, I believe, a sufficient message to her as to your intentions.

What your instinct is saying you want REVENGE...or at least to give her a good telling off! That will give her a rational "Oh, he was SO mean to me. He didn't deserve my young hot body. I mean I did wrong by screwing my ex for X days straight, but there was no cause to say Y..."

Don't give her that. Just a box of stuff without the courtesy of a good bye.

Edited to add: This is NOT a vacation. This was an "I want to break up with you without the drama of an actual confrontation so I'm doing THIS to your ego."

So in some ways, going dark is rewarding her. She gets what she wants. But you are getting rid of a girl who can do this to another person: I don't care how good her butt looks, she's toxic.

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Reactions: 1

lovelygirl

· #18 · Oct 29, 2012

imjustlost said:
She said she didn't feel comfortable with me spending the money while going through my divorce (I'm going through a divorce)

I'm shocked that you even bought this lame excuse.

You're way older than her and more experienced ...yet she managed to fool you with the lamest and most ridiculous excuse ever.

Forget about her.

Reactions: 2

imjustlost

Discussion Starter · #19 · Oct 29, 2012

lovelygirl said:
I'm shocked that you even bought this lame excuse.

Yeah, me too. I knew it sounded like bull****, but I thought, surely someone cannot be so brazen!! Surely!! Ahhh, I'm a ****ing fool...

Malaise

· #20 · Oct 29, 2012

imjustlost said:
Yeah, me too. I knew it sounded like bull****, but I thought, surely someone cannot be so brazen!! Surely!! Ahhh, I'm a ****ing fool...

You have to admire the audacity though

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