Do I keep walking?

Yep, I'd be looking for a new gf in her 30s, what does a 55yo woman offer you?
Companionship? are you lonely? Someone to talk to? .......... a Yellow Labrador can provide that much better.

Sorry, I'm a bit baffled.
When my 50yo wife of 30 years divorced me, I was immediately out dating women in their 20s.
(I've settled on women in their early 30s now)

 

What a disgusting thing to say. A 55 year old woman can offer just the same as a 55 year old man.
Thankfully my husband was more that happy to date and marry a woman the same age as him as are many other decent men. Not every man wants to date someone who could be their daughter. Some want a partner who is equal and shares life experience. A woman who isn't going to abandon him when their partner is old and they are still quite young which happens a lot. Someone with who they have things in common.

 

My GF and I are 55 and have been dating for five months. I thought things were going ok but then I just discovered that a few days ago she went in a date with some guy that she had gone on a date with a year ago and that he had been messaging her recently. She said that he said he wanted a relationship so she met for a “spontaneous dinner date”. She said, evidently to make me feel better, that he creeped her out and she ended the date early. She even laughed about it. I didn’t take this very well and was kind of shocked that she would even do this. I then asked about another event she went to and who she went with. She informed me it was with a guy but he was “just a friend”. I’m really not happy about that. I for the most part ghosted her and in my mind was done.

Her response was that I was over reacting but then she changed her tune when she saw I was serious and she gave, what I thought, was a totally **** apology by saying that she thanked me for sharing “my vulnerability” with her and that she was sorry that her honesty hurt me. Her honesty? WTF? She then went on to say that, because of her conservative values, when she’s in a relationship that she doesn’t see or speak to other men and that she wouldn’t even be able to text me. I’m thinking what does five months entitle me to?

She acts like she didn’t do anything wrong and wants to continue our relationship, make it more serious. But I’m pissed and hurt. I see it that she was going to meet this guy again and if she liked him better I was going to get kicked to the curb.

I’ve basically walked away but I’m confused and conflicted. She’s still messaging me but based on her FB pics, she’s not as devastated by this as I am. She’s having fun with her GF’s.

I’m not sure what to do. Do I keep walking? She wants to keep dating but my trust has gone to zero.

<slips on MGTOW hat>

You’re being gaslit, bro. Women don’t like having options taken away from them, but not so much that they’ll chase them down when they have plenty of others readily available.

Drop her everywhere and go grey rock — no more calls, texts, emails, smoke signals… nothing.

Stop looking at her social media — block her if it helps you.

 

She’s not your girlfriend if she goes on dates with other men. Apparently she was never your girlfriend, since she wants to be free to date others. You mistakenly believed she was more committed than she really was.

You can either you keep dating her casually, knowing she’ll be dating others and you should be too, or just walk. Either way, she’s not actually your girlfriend and doesn’t seem like she wants to be.

 

Girls like her, you want to be the guy friend (if anything) not the boyfriend. The fact that she even went out with other men, then went on to talk about you being hurt and vulnerable, that just shows she has ZERO respect for you.

You need to gather up what is left of your dignity and walk away from this girl. She's for the streets.

 

Ghost her.

It was just a friend is the biggest lie told!

Cmon man!!!! Don’t waste a second on this.

 

It looks like it was more that you saw her as your girlfriend but she didn’t see you as her boyfriend. Just move on without looking back. Also, stop looking at her social media.

We have a thread of a guy who was dating a girl for 2 years , who went back to her husband. He went ghost. Went to Spain for a month, taking music lessons and within 2 weeks is hooking up with a dancer 20 years younger than him. Now we can’t all leave the country for a month but there’s a lesson there for you. Get busy with your life.

 

Just block her on everything. There’s nothing to talk about. Only you can keep yourself in this.

 

After 5 months she surely knew that the relationship was considered to be exclusive.
I don't think you can trust her and her apology wasn't an apology.

 

My GF and I are 55 and have been dating for five months. I thought things were going ok but then I just discovered that a few days ago she went in a date with some guy that she had gone on a date with a year ago and that he had been messaging her recently. She said that he said he wanted a relationship so she met for a “spontaneous dinner date”. She said, evidently to make me feel better, that he creeped her out and she ended the date early. She even laughed about it. I didn’t take this very well and was kind of shocked that she would even do this. I then asked about another event she went to and who she went with. She informed me it was with a guy but he was “just a friend”. I’m really not happy about that. I for the most part ghosted her and in my mind was done.

Her response was that I was over reacting but then she changed her tune when she saw I was serious and she gave, what I thought, was a totally **** apology by saying that she thanked me for sharing “my vulnerability” with her and that she was sorry that her honesty hurt me. Her honesty? WTF? She then went on to say that, because of her conservative values, when she’s in a relationship that she doesn’t see or speak to other men and that she wouldn’t even be able to text me. I’m thinking what does five months entitle me to?

She acts like she didn’t do anything wrong and wants to continue our relationship, make it more serious. But I’m pissed and hurt. I see it that she was going to meet this guy again and if she liked him better I was going to get kicked to the curb.

I’ve basically walked away but I’m confused and conflicted. She’s still messaging me but based on her FB pics, she’s not as devastated by this as I am. She’s having fun with her GF’s.

I’m not sure what to do. Do I keep walking? She wants to keep dating but my trust has gone to zero.

Do you talk about exclusivity? I mean nowadays people date and see others until they decide to be exclusive. I think these things have to be discussed. Five months entitles you to very little.

 

Five months entitles you to very little.

Oh...to walk away from her may be one small step for mankind, one giant leap for him.
And he is entitled enough to take it.

 

Cut her loose. The line about your vulnerability and being sorry about her honesty hurting you means she will hide it next time.

 

@El Guapo when you say you’re dating this woman what exactly do you mean. Are you sleeping with her, staying over in each other’s homes, going out together in public as a couple?
Or are you imagining something that isn’t really there?

 

My GF and I are 55 and have been dating for five months. I thought things were going ok but then I just discovered that a few days ago she went in a date with some guy that she had gone on a date with a year ago and that he had been messaging her recently. She said that he said he wanted a relationship so she met for a “spontaneous dinner date”. She said, evidently to make me feel better, that he creeped her out and she ended the date early. She even laughed about it. I didn’t take this very well and was kind of shocked that she would even do this. I then asked about another event she went to and who she went with. She informed me it was with a guy but he was “just a friend”. I’m really not happy about that. I for the most part ghosted her and in my mind was done.

Her response was that I was over reacting but then she changed her tune when she saw I was serious and she gave, what I thought, was a totally **** apology by saying that she thanked me for sharing “my vulnerability” with her and that she was sorry that her honesty hurt me. Her honesty? WTF? She then went on to say that, because of her conservative values, when she’s in a relationship that she doesn’t see or speak to other men and that she wouldn’t even be able to text me. I’m thinking what does five months entitle me to?

She acts like she didn’t do anything wrong and wants to continue our relationship, make it more serious. But I’m pissed and hurt. I see it that she was going to meet this guy again and if she liked him better I was going to get kicked to the curb.

I’ve basically walked away but I’m confused and conflicted. She’s still messaging me but based on her FB pics, she’s not as devastated by this as I am. She’s having fun with her GF’s.

I’m not sure what to do. Do I keep walking? She wants to keep dating but my trust has gone to zero.

Dude....5 months is NOTHING.
What I mean is...you haven't known her that long, you may have been developing feelings for her but because it is 5 months and not 5 years it is much easier to just walk away with minimal pain.

I'm mad and upset for you. After 5 months I would have definitely considered things exclusive meaning SHE CHEATED on you. I don't know the specifics of what you two had talked about. Are you a two a couple, are you exclusive. Had you two been dating only casually with the clear understanding you'd still see other people? I don't know any of that. For me, it is hard to imagine dating someone for 5 months and it still being ok to date others.

Have you been intimate with her....had sex? If so then I'd most definitely consider it a monogamous situation. No other men....no dating other people.

So, unless there are other details you've left out that would change things, I believe she was 100% unfaithful by dating other men while with you. She cheated 100% and my stance is you drop a cheater every time. You dump them, walk away, be done with her. If it had been 5 months, 5 years, 15 years.....you dump/divorce a cheater every time. Staying with a cheater is unimaginable to me.

You did the right thing, in my opinion, by ending things. I 100% support this decision and I'd urge you to stay away from her and do not engage with any of her attempts to keep dating and her acting as if she isn't and unfaithful cheater.

Did you tell her you were ending things and why? If she asks why you are pulling away I'd bluntly state "you went out with other men....that is unfaithful to me....I don't date cheaters....bye-bye"

Good luck.
3.5 Billion other women out there. Plenty of good ones for you.

 

Don't give her another second of your time OP. She doesn't deserve it.

 

Stay walked away my friend.

It's a five month relationship and she is pulling this **** - you owe her nothing.

 

What makes her your "girlfriend"? Is that your definition or has exclusivity been discussed? How often do you see each other? Are you having sex?

Just because you have known her for five months doesn't mean you two are in a committed relationship. I think more details are needed.

 

What makes her your "girlfriend"? Is that your definition or has exclusivity been discussed? How often do you see each other? Are you having sex?

Just because you have known her for five months doesn't mean you two are in a committed relationship. I think more details are needed.

Maybe she wasn’t my GF. I’d say we saw each other a couple times per week either in the evening or spending the whole day together.
We hadn’t had sex, which is really out of the norm for me. I took a break from dating before her for a few years but when I was dating more regularly I had sex a lot faster than that (first month, first week, first date), which is sometimes not a good thing. I wasn’t being pushy. I hadn’t really thought about how odd that sounds until now (no sex).

 

It looks to me that her use of 'relationship' was an attempt to get some kind of commitment from you. Telling you all about it was her way of communicating her wants. Immature? Yes.

 

I guess that could be a possibility but I don't believe it is the case here.

The much more simple explanation is that she simply did not not see the relationship with the OP as an actual relationship and she was just talking to him about some guys she had some dates with like she would be talking to one of her girlfriends about.

She obviously did not see this as a serious, exclusive, dating relationship.

The simplest answer is usually the most accurate one and this case the more simple answer is that she did not see their relationship as serious or exclusive rather than it being some manipulative conspiracy to get him to commit.

Besides, it sounds like he was already pretty committed and was taking the relationship seriously. Definitely more serious than she was.

 

Had you both agreed to be exclusive?

 

Bud, this was a **** test. Move on or you’ll get more.

 

The thread title is misleading. She was a friend and she’s a girl but she was never your girlfriend.

 

This is semantics but a more accurate description is he never behaved as her boyfriend.

 

OP the more of your post I read the more I come to think you spend way to much time in your own head. Don't take that as harsh critisisam, I have a tendency to do the same.

The problem is you have created a girlfriend/relationship scenario in your head but she isn't thinking that way. Even when she asked you directly if you were upset because you thought it was only dating each other you didn't know how to react.

You need to start verbalizing what you want and how you feel. Ask her what she wants and how she's feeling. Communicate, communicate, communicate!

One last thing....five months and you haven't tried to have sex with her???? I would love to hear how she feels about that.

 

OP the more of your post I read the more I come to think you spend way to much time in your own head. Don't take that as harsh critisisam, I have a tendency to do the same.

The problem is you have created a girlfriend/relationship scenario in your head but she isn't thinking that way. Even when she asked you directly if you were upset because you thought it was only dating each other you didn't know how to react.

You need to start verbalizing what you want and how you feel. Ask her what she wants and how she's feeling. Communicate, communicate, communicate!

One last thing....five months and you haven't tried to have sex with her???? I would love to hear how she feels about that.

I’m curious how she feels about it too. I did try to progress it, even if it was only longer kissing sessions at the end of the date. Never even got close to any kind of intimacy.

Yes, you’re right. I’m totally mental, in my own head a lot. Sometimes it sabotages me. Sometimes it helps me go above and beyond myself.

 

So, no, you weren’t a relationship — except in your mind. Tell her you’re interested since apparently your actions didn’t.

 

OP here's another question.....why haven't you tried having sex with her? You said you are taking it slow but why?

You are 55 I believe correct? Are you concerned about your sexual performance? Having ED issues you're afraid to deal with?

 

OP

You are 55 I believe correct? Are you concerned about your sexual performance? Having ED issues you're afraid to deal with?

On the one hand you've had approximately ten dates with her. On the other hand, she should know after ten dates if you're doing it for her or not. I'd toss this one back into the dating pool.

More than 10 dates.

So I'm gathering that you have not yet made a formal commitment with her so that you two are exclusive? Because as long as you have no mutual agreement to be exclusive, then you are just dating and you're both free to see other people.

And I'm not saying you should have made a commitment to her if you haven't because you're only 5 months in and that's really too soon. I think if I were you I'd roll with the punches and since she's dating, I'd date whoever I wanted to but I wouldn't throw it at her face and she shouldn't have thrown that in your face but I imagine if there has been no exclusivity between you she just thought she should let you know.

Unless she broke a verbal commitment you two had and not just assumptions, she's not cheating. She's just dating. I guess it's just time you had a conversation where you tell her that even though you had no agreement to be exclusive if that's the case, that maybe you two need to talk about whether you're dating or committed.

I'd advise you just date for a few more months.

OP here's another question.....why haven't you tried having sex with her? You said you are taking it slow but why?

You are 55 I believe correct? Are you concerned about your sexual performance? Having ED issues you're afraid to deal with?

Your first question answered above. The ED question. I’ve experienced it a little, mostly in the past when I let my T drop. I was on T for a while but got off because my diet and exercise have cured that for the most part. I work out a lot, health nut. Wasn’t in the past. My occasional experience with it now is all mental. Zero problems at home. No problems if I’m with someone I’m used to or feel comfortable with, super turned on. But if I’m in a situation I don’t like (crazy chick, not liking the location, etc) my brain can over ride my penis. I have experimented with drugs years ago. Of course that overkill if you just experience it in odd situations. That turns you into Superman.

 

On the one hand you've had approximately ten dates with her. On the other hand, she should know after ten dates if you're doing it for her or not. I'd toss this one back into the dating pool.

 

My GF and I are 55 and have been dating for five months. I thought things were going ok but then I just discovered that a few days ago she went in a date with some guy that she had gone on a date with a year ago and that he had been messaging her recently. She said that he said he wanted a relationship so she met for a “spontaneous dinner date”. She said, evidently to make me feel better, that he creeped her out and she ended the date early. She even laughed about it. I didn’t take this very well and was kind of shocked that she would even do this. I then asked about another event she went to and who she went with. She informed me it was with a guy but he was “just a friend”. I’m really not happy about that. I for the most part ghosted her and in my mind was done.

Her response was that I was over reacting but then she changed her tune when she saw I was serious and she gave, what I thought, was a totally **** apology by saying that she thanked me for sharing “my vulnerability” with her and that she was sorry that her honesty hurt me. Her honesty? WTF? She then went on to say that, because of her conservative values, when she’s in a relationship that she doesn’t see or speak to other men and that she wouldn’t even be able to text me. I’m thinking what does five months entitle me to?

She acts like she didn’t do anything wrong and wants to continue our relationship, make it more serious. But I’m pissed and hurt. I see it that she was going to meet this guy again and if she liked him better I was going to get kicked to the curb.

I’ve basically walked away but I’m confused and conflicted. She’s still messaging me but based on her FB pics, she’s not as devastated by this as I am. She’s having fun with her GF’s.

I’m not sure what to do. Do I keep walking? She wants to keep dating but my trust has gone to zero.

So I'm gathering that you have not yet made a formal commitment with her so that you two are exclusive? Because as long as you have no mutual agreement to be exclusive, then you are just dating and you're both free to see other people.

And I'm not saying you should have made a commitment to her if you haven't because you're only 5 months in and that's really too soon. I think if I were you I'd roll with the punches and since she's dating, I'd date whoever I wanted to but I wouldn't throw it at her face and she shouldn't have thrown that in your face but I imagine if there has been no exclusivity between you she just thought she should let you know.

Unless she broke a verbal commitment you two had and not just assumptions, she's not cheating. She's just dating. I guess it's just time you had a conversation where you tell her that even though you had no agreement to be exclusive if that's the case, that maybe you two need to talk about whether you're dating or committed.

I'd advise you just date for a few more months.

 

So I'm gathering that you have not yet made a formal commitment with her so that you two are exclusive? Because as long as you have no mutual agreement to be exclusive, then you are just dating and you're both free to see other people.

And I'm not saying you should have made a commitment to her if you haven't because you're only 5 months in and that's really too soon. I think if I were you I'd roll with the punches and since she's dating, I'd date whoever I wanted to but I wouldn't throw it at her face and she shouldn't have thrown that in your face but I imagine if there has been no exclusivity between you she just thought she should let you know.

Unless she broke a verbal commitment you two had and not just assumptions, she's not cheating. She's just dating. I guess it's just time you had a conversation where you tell her that even though you had no agreement to be exclusive if that's the case, that maybe you two need to talk about whether you're dating or committed.

I'd advise you just date for a few more months.

So I'm gathering that you have not yet made a formal commitment with her so that you two are exclusive? Because as long as you have no mutual agreement to be exclusive, then you are just dating and you're both free to see other people.

And I'm not saying you should have made a commitment to her if you haven't because you're only 5 months in and that's really too soon. I think if I were you I'd roll with the punches and since she's dating, I'd date whoever I wanted to but I wouldn't throw it at her face and she shouldn't have thrown that in your face but I imagine if there has been no exclusivity between you she just thought she should let you know.

Unless she broke a verbal commitment you two had and not just assumptions, she's not cheating. She's just dating. I guess it's just time you had a conversation where you tell her that even though you had no agreement to be exclusive if that's the case, that maybe you two need to talk about whether you're dating or committed.

I'd advise you just date for a few more months.

Of course she ended physical progression when there was no commitment. No exclusive talk no girlfriend talk. It sounds like she doesn't want to be friends with benefits and you didn't man up and let her know that you wanted to be in an exclusive relationship. So she started dating. She most likely told you in an effort to see if you even cared.

Both of you are being silly. And the world turns just as it always has.

Anastasia. You’re WAY off. This was not even close to a FWB relationship. We did a lot of stuff, went places, went out to eat, hiking, climbing, kayaking, to breweries, art festivals. I’ve never been in a relationship where I had to say a magic word or it doesn’t count. Nearly every other relationship I’ve been in it was just understood, respect for your partner. You sound bitter about something to lash out at me like that.

 

was there a response on why no sex in 5 months, why OP kept dating a woman he didnt want sex with it get sex from?
I read where this is the only relationship he’s had that didn’t have wild funky sex in, but I didn’t get why. And I didn’t see an answer on whether he had ED or not.

Either way, if I dated a woman 5 months and she was going out with other dudes and telling me about it, I’d no doubt drop her off from that last date that she told me about other men on, and do a burnout as I exited her driveway for the last time. You weren’t on the same wavelength. Find one that is.