Getting past insecurity

I have the same issues, sort of. I don't think I'm as bad as you, but for a decade with my ex-wife, I had all these concerns regarding sex because of her attitude toward it. It's also because you want sex so bad, you're willing to accept these terms and then you find yourself so focused on avoiding these issues that you can't just suddenly NOT focus on them at a flip of a switch.

You should tell her your issues and that you want to work through them but it will take time.

I'm with a new women, have been for five years, and I'm still finding myself preconditioned to do things (both sexually and otheriwse) that have nothing to do with my fiancee and everything to do with how my ex-wife treated me. I can't imagine it gets any easier getting over these same hangups with the woman who caused them.

We've had a number of heart to hearts the last few days, and I'm slowly learning to unlearn my inhibitions.

A couple months ago, I sent her a couple vibrators in a care package to her (she was working far far away).

She got royally ticked at me (didn't tell me, though) for doing it. But, a few weeks later actually ended up using one to do what she'd rarely done before... and then had a lot of heart to hearts with herself.

I had a repressed wife who left to go work 6 months ago... and returned very liberated - much in part to my "gift". The sudden change (for me) has and is still difficult to integrate into my thinking...

But, when out of the blue she walked over to me just after I woke from a nap and gave me a mind blowing HJ, and in the middle said "will you cum for me?" it has begun to sink in.

Now, after going months and years with very little sex, she wants to do it in every way, shape, manner, fashion, place, time, and means... I'm not up to it, not physically, anyway...