[Cherry]

We just moved 2 weeks ago and my H transferred within his existing company, just to a new branch. Our focus is on raising our 4 year old kids and getting his own business going at some point in next few years, but any way you look at it, timewise we are slammed as we have quite a bit of other responsibilities to tend to around here.

Yesterday, he wants to know what I think about him tagging along with his new boss to go hunting. Number one, H is a convicted felon... So even tagging along with someone who is shooting a gun would be questionable in my book, besides he's never even expressed an interest in hunting. So then he explains that he thinks it would be good "bonding" for employment opportunities further in the company, etc. Just this weekend, me.. his wife.. complained about our lack of time together, alone, to just have adult time... WTF is he talking about time alone with this dude?? Not to mention, we are talking about getting his own business going, which takes a lot of focus away from us to begin with.. but I do understand that.

He's never hung out one one one with a guy during our marriage... I did catch him browsing bi/gay stuff online once and he said it was as a "joke".. we worked through it, and I don't believe for a second it was as a "joke". But whatever.

Am I really just a nut, like he says?

 

[In_The_Wind]

No I am sure you are just being protective of yourself, and I agree with your feelings especially after you said " we need more time together"

 

[wiigirl]

No I am sure you are just being protective of yourself, and I agree with your feelings especially after you said " we need more time together"

I always say go with your gut. Just go slowly and get more facts before reacting.

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Caribbean Man]

Ok,
This is a tricky one.
On one hand you guys need to spend time together and on the other hand your H has just been transferred and has new environment , new friends, new boss [ to impress] etc.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with him wanting to hang out with his boss.
I don't see it as overly gay or anything.
Men do need to bond too.

But,maybe you have observed certain things about his boss that may seem odd.

However, if both of you need to put aside some time to spend together, then he needs to be sensitive to that and both of you can come to a compromise.

 

[Cherry]

Ok,
This is a tricky one.
On one hand you guys need to spend time together and on the other hand your H has just been transferred and has new environment , new friends, new boss [ to impress] etc.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with him wanting to hang out with his boss.
I don't see it as overly gay or anything.
Men do need to bond too.

But,maybe you have observed certain things about his boss that may seem odd.

However, if both of you need to put aside some time to spend together, then he needs to be sensitive to that and both of you can come to a compromise.

Even if he's never even hung out with a guy, except to do drugs or go to strip joints or otherwise get in trouble when he lived in the city? We just moved to a farm and a home that requires quite a bit of upkeep And personally I have stepped back from things I enjoy individually so that I can really focus on my kids and my H.. and he's talking about bonding with a guy he's known for two weeks during a hobby he can't even do on his own, ever. Have him over to dinner to meet your wife and kids first, don't you think? Maybe a BBQ with the whole family even?

 

[Caribbean Man]

Even if he's never even hung out with a guy, except to do drugs or go to strip joints or otherwise get in trouble when he lived in the city? We just moved to a farm and a home that requires quite a bit of upkeep And personally I have stepped back from things I enjoy individually so that I can really focus on my kids and my H.. and he's talking about bonding with a guy he's known for two weeks during a hobby he can't even do on his own, ever. Have him over to dinner to meet your wife and kids first, don't you think? Maybe a BBQ with the whole family even?

:iagree:......with this part.
But sometimes a change of environment presents new challenges, and maybe he thinks that hanging with the boss is a good way to overcome some of these challenges.

I'm not saying he's right, I'm just trying to peek into his mind and offer a rationale ? :scratchhead:

And you are correct, maybe he needs to invite the boss home to meet his wife & family. But, maybe he's thinking that he does not want to appear
" pushy " to his boss. After all its only been two weeks.
I also understand that you have sacrificed some of the things you like in order to spend time with him.

Sometimes men can be like that, especially when they are not on the same emotional bandwidth as their spouse.

But the only way around it is communication and compromise. As long as there is communication,you both have a chance at a workable compromise.

But I do get the feeling that its deeper than just him hanging with the boss.......

 

[SadSamIAm]

Guys need friends. Not sure if the boss is a good choice. Sounds like a better choice than his former friends (drugs / strip joints).

You don't say how long this hunting trip is. If it is only a night or two, I think you should support his decision to get to know his boss better. Good for his future and much better than hanging out at a strip joint for a night or two doing drugs.

Make sure the following weekend is booked with 'together' things for the two of you to do together.

 

[trey69]

I say give him the benefit of the doubt right now and let him do the hunting thing with his new boss. I will say though, it does not need to be a regular thing.

 

[Cherry]

Guys need friends. Not sure if the boss is a good choice. Sounds like a better choice than his former friends (drugs / strip joints).

You don't say how long this hunting trip is. If it is only a night or two, I think you should support his decision to get to know his boss better. Good for his future and much better than hanging out at a strip joint for a night or two doing drugs.

Make sure the following weekend is booked with 'together' things for the two of you to do together.

I just don't know though. I get what you're saying.. but just last weekend he was boasting about finally having all he needs here.. no mention of needing a friend or needing to pick up a new hobby. Neither one of us have ever had a "friend" outside of our marriage.. well we did.. but they never were any good for us, and those friends were during times we were seperated, or rather contributed to our less than glorious times. We had our friends at work.. but never have we just up and did things individually with our individual friends.

Maybe that's not healthy? But our children still require so much of our time.. they are four.. we can't just split up on weekends and go do our own thing. Not to mention its just not something we've ever discussed. Don't spring it on me 2 weeks after such a life changing event, moving 8 hours away from "home" and giving up my job and my individual sense of security.. for a man who wants to go hunting with a virtual stranger. What happened to driving over to the coast or cuddling up by a fire with your wife first.

Gender difference? I am also trying to quit smoking.. 6 days now.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

Holy crap, he wants to go hunting with his boss and you conclude that he's gay??? At my first job out of college I went fishing with my boss. Maybe I'm gay too! I also golf with a male client of mine.

You know, when you're in a new situation, new job, new location you are just in an open mood. Interested in trying new things. Now here's a newsflash. Men hunt. It's in our genes. But not everyone has a dad who took him hunting from age 12. So maybe it's something he's always thought about (but not mentioned) and never pursued because there wasn't an opportunity. Now there's an opportunity, and it comes with a chance to network within the company. Ya he probably shouldn't have used the term "bonding". That sounds a little gay.

Over the last 30 years I've been to a lot of hunting camps. I've spent 7 days in the mountains at 8,000' with nothing but 4 guys and 4 horses. I can assure you there was no hanky panky! Just campfires, riding, bs'ing and farting. All without a single woman giving us crap for it. Not GAY. MALE!!!

:rofl:

 

[Cherry]

^^^ just didnt think he'd be interested in doing something that he really won't be able to do ever on his own. He can never be in possession of a gun its not like he can personally teach his own son how to hunt... Pick a hobby you can fully enjoy, legally, don't you think?

 

[A Bit Much]

^^^ just didnt think he'd be interested in doing something that he really won't be able to do ever on his own. He can never be in possession of a gun its not like he can personally teach his own son how to hunt... Pick a hobby you can fully enjoy, legally, don't you think?

He's trying to impress the boss. That's my first thought. It won't become a hobby for him, but a brownie point for him towards his relationship with his supervisor (he IS the breadwinner now isn't he?). It's job security.

 

[Cherry]

True.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

My cousin has a felony and hunts with a bow. It might vary state by state though. But ya, he's trying to impress the boss. Or at least not disappoint him. It's very hard to say no when the boss asks if you want to do something that you're supposed to (as a man) like to do. I mentioned that I golf with a client. What I didn't mention is that I hate golfing. But when he calls it's hard to tell a good client no. There's an expectation that people in my business golf.

 

[opensesame]

Speaking as a man, you just don't turn down an invitation to go hunting from your boss if you can help it.