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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Long story short, I came on here looking for advice years ago. Implemented some things and my marriage did get better for awhile.

Long story short...I found out recently that my wife had sent inappropriate text messages to a co-worker. My mistake was confronting her on it. She apologized, said it would never happen again, etc. However, they still work together. I began having suspicions again and looked up the phone bill history and sure enough, she initiates every contact with him 99% of the time in the morning while I am at work, instead of middle of the night when I was sleeping before. I don't know if this EA has gone physical yet, and am trying to find a way to find out. We both work crazy hours, we are ships passing in the day, when I get home she leaves for work and I watch the kids until she gets home. I have kept track lately of the milage and nothing seems out of the ordinary. One kid is in school, the others are home with her during the day.

I have found sections of text messages deleted from her phone when I compare it to the bill, so I know she's hiding something again. We are so broke for money it's not even funny, and I cannot borrow any from anyone. Short of trying to save what I can to get a VAR or something is there any advice or anything on how to get more info, etc. Cheap RELIABLE keyloggers, gps, etc.

I tried installing a free keylogger on my phone as a test and it sucked. Glad I didn't try to do it on her phone. She does not have her phone password protected, maybe as a front to steer away suspicion. She thinks she's being sneaky but she's not. I don't want to tip my hand and let her know I'm on to her again.

Any advice is appreciated.
 

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"I have kept track lately of the milage and nothing seems out of the ordinary."

Mileage can be stopped on odometer by removing fuse and then reinserting to start odometer again.
 

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Search google to recover messages for that phone. I did not see much but did not look long. Here is one excerpt:

1. you are correct about the internal memory. but sim save is an option for sms.
2. mms can't be saved to the sim. never could never will. they are too limited in size.
3. the history tab in your contact list will let you read the first line of a text even if you deleted the text, if you haven't deleted the call log.
4. use the lock option for individual texts.
5. save your photos.
6. forward texts to an email account if they are that important to you. ]/B]

Look at #6. maybe you can have them forwarded to your email.

Have you checked phone bill to see who is she is textng/calling?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
kenmoore14217-

Is this something that can be done fairly fast on a 10+ year old car?

chapparal-

This is one of my fears. It's trying to catch her in a lie...like when she says she's getting a drink after work with friends or co-workers that concerns me. The VAR at Walmart I will have to pick up. All our finances are shared, so I don't want to do anything that will raise suspicion. She may have access to cash since she gets tips. No way to really track that. I don't think she has a pay-as-you-go phone yet, since she's still deleting text history in her main phone.

Head is spinning trying to make sense of all this...
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
chapparal-

Yes, I know the guy. I have his cell phone number, I don't know where he lives, I do know he has a family as well.

As much as I would like to wait for him after work and beat his ass, I don't want to blow things up yet. I want concrete evidence.

"3. the history tab in your contact list will let you read the first line of a text even if you deleted the text, if you haven't deleted the call log." Her texting is mms. I looked into this and she must be cherry picking sections of her text history to delete in both places, because when I compare it to the phone bill, there are roughly 20 texts missing from a particular conversation.

I'll have to see if there is a way to have them forwarded to me without her knowledge. She is relatively tech-savvy.
 

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We both work crazy hours, we are ships passing in the day, when I get home she leaves for work and I watch the kids until she gets home. I have kept track lately of the milage and nothing seems out of the ordinary. One kid is in school, the others are home with her during the day.




Any advice is appreciated.
She needs to find a day job.

Also, try to fix the financial issues.

If she is not already cheating, she is planning to.

When women cheat they affair up, and when men cheat they affair down.

Woman who stray or often looking for a higher wage earner. Men who stray or often only looking for sex and take what is available due to opportnunity.
 

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When women cheat they affair up, and when men cheat they affair down.
To this day I'm still trying to figure out how a married woman getting involved with a man that is perfectly willing to destroy another man's marriage and family could be considered marrying up.

To me, it is simply IMPOSSIBLE to marry up under these circumstances.
 

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I know exactly what you are going through. Comparing texts on phone to texts on bills, etc.

I installed an SMS backup program on my wife's phone called 'SMS Backup +'. It's an android app that will routinely backup all incoming and outgoing SMS/MMS to a specified email (your email).

In my case, most of the interaction was nothing much, but this app gave me enough to know that they were in dangerous waters.

Good luck. So sorry you're going through this, I know exactly how you feel.
 

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chapparal-

Yes, I know the guy. I have his cell phone number, I don't know where he lives, I do know he has a family as well.

As much as I would like to wait for him after work and beat his ass, I don't want to blow things up yet. I want concrete evidence.

"3. the history tab in your contact list will let you read the first line of a text even if you deleted the text, if you haven't deleted the call log." Her texting is mms. I looked into this and she must be cherry picking sections of her text history to delete in both places, because when I compare it to the phone bill, there are roughly 20 texts missing from a particular conversation.

I'll have to see if there is a way to have them forwarded to me without her knowledge. She is relatively tech-savvy.
Try looking up the cell number on spokeo.com. Nothing will turn up if it is a pay as u go phone though.

If you have his name also it might give you his address and family members.
 

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What type of work does she do?

Is her workplace easy to check up on with lots of windows and light inside?

Do you know anyone at her workplace?
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
StickMan1-

sms back up app...this sounds intriguing. Does it show up in her apps list? If it's anything that's downloaded through google play store it will leave a trail...I need it to not leave any clue that it is forwarding her texts to my e-mail. And before anyone asks, our phones are a joint account in my name. No legal issues there.

chapparal-
Tried Spokeo, it says it found a match, but wants a credit card # and $5 to get the answer. Can't do that, and can't open a card in my name since I just went through bankruptcy 6 months ago.

I do know most of her co-workers...all cheaters themselves by the way. I've heard the stories from her about their affairs. I do know where she works...I've had dinner there many times. Everyone there knows me too. Such a fool I've been.
 

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Try zabasearch or other people search sites as well.

Well if she works with those types of people it was only a matter of time before she became one of them.

Since they all cheat, I'm sure they'll cover for each other for 20-30 mins daily to get their needs met in one of the back rooms or in there cars.

Since they work together, I don't think they'll text each other too much detail as they can say it face to face. You need physical surveillance.
 

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StickMan1-

sms back up app...this sounds intriguing. Does it show up in her apps list? If it's anything that's downloaded through google play store it will leave a trail...I need it to not leave any clue that it is forwarding her texts to my e-mail. And before anyone asks, our phones are a joint account in my name. No legal issues there.

chapparal-
Tried Spokeo, it says it found a match, but wants a credit card # and $5 to get the answer. Can't do that, and can't open a card in my name since I just went through bankruptcy 6 months ago.

I do know most of her co-workers...all cheaters themselves by the way. I've heard the stories from her about their affairs. I do know where she works...I've had dinner there many times. Everyone there knows me too. Such a fool I've been.

i have a paid spokeo account. if you PM me, i can give you the info!
 

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To this day I'm still trying to figure out how a married woman getting involved with a man that is perfectly willing to destroy another man's marriage and family could be considered marrying up.

To me, it is simply IMPOSSIBLE to marry up under these circumstances.
When I say "marrying up," it is meant to convey the mindset of the straying spouse.

It goes without saying that both straying spouse are doing something that suggests low moral character, at least in the moment, and if they never wake up and see their own faults.

The term "affair up" means the straying women somehow believes the affair partner is a move up. It could be looks, money, or attention or all three.

When a man cheats, he is most often only interested in sex and ego validation. So if a women, not as attractive as his wife, offers no strings sex and flatters and flirts a man will take the opportunity.

I found out the hard way though that even when a women promises no strings sex, she really secretly wants more.

My Affair partner was attracted to my salary, and was hoping to break up my marriage thinking I would marry her.

I definitely affaired down, in my mind, but took the no-strings sex bait.
 
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