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Hi. I found these forums while searching for marriage advise for addiction and codependency.

My story,

I have been in relationship with my wife for 4 years and we were married 2 years ago.

I had played Everquest and World of Warcraft for many years prior to meeting her, but when we first met I was not actively playing. I started up shortly after we moved in together but I was reasonably balanced about it till around 18 months ago when I got full on obsessed with the game. At my worst I had 4 nights a week of 3-5 hour sessions where I did not spend time with my wife really at all. The way I grew up it was normal to occupy yourself so I didn't realize the damage it was doing to my wife and our marriage till recently when she asked me to go to MC. I went but I can see now that I wasn't really invested in it. I thought I could still have my way (game all the time) and meet her needs.

My wife grew up with alcoholism in the home and as a result had developed codependence due to the unresolved issues with that.

She left our apartment 4 weeks ago tomorrow. At first I assumed that my addiction to gaming was the big issue but after speaking with her a few times briefly she told me about the codependency and her need to set boundaries. I did some reading and I understand that is part of the process. I support that because ultimately I want her to be healthy and I want to repair our marriage.


So this is where I'm having challenges. I've never been good with being patient and waiting. So I am working on that. Her last note about how to divide our furniture said she could not talk about our relationship right now. OK. I figure I am progressing because the old me would have not been able to accept that or tolerate the not knowing. Which brings me to the big question. If codependency is addiction to a person than it makes sense to me that the solution is to remove that person from your life. I quit soda pop 5 years ago and lost 100 pound since then. The way I see addiction in my mind is I remove it and don't look back at it. Just like I turned off my accounts and deleted the game and took the media to the trash chute. Done. It took her leaving for me to figure out that the situation I had created with my raiding and my guild was damaging to me, my wife, and my marriage. Faced with her packing her bags it was a obvious choice and I haven't for a moment considered playing again no matter what happens with my wife.

Last we spoke on the phone she indicated that she loved me but she needed to sort out what was love from instinct to be a caregiver. It's terrible because I feel such sorrow knowing that as much as I hurt she has been hurting for months and even her moving out hasn't helped.

Is there hope of a separation and overcoming the codependancy?
 

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