because his view about you isn't the real you !! you have lied about who you really are .. if that was in the past then how the hell could you sleep with his dad again ????so he really doesn't know you
Future father law trying to ruin my life.
I don't even know if anyone can help me but I just need to vent. I'm 26 and my fiance is 27. We met 2 years ago and planned to get married next month in Mexico. Something low cost and simple. Several years back when I was in college, I did a lot of foolish things. This was before I met my husband. I was on a certain arrangement website and I would regularly sleep with wealthy men for money and gifts.
There was one man in particular who I saw early on. Very unattractive and obese. However, he gave me almost anything I asked for and treated me well. He could not maintain an erection through sex so I would normally jerk him off for pleasure and we would cuddle. Sometimes I'd sit on his face and ride his tongue but we never had vaginal sex with his penis. I was really disgusted by him but not because of his age, but because of his looks. He was sloppy and I'd feel uncomfortable with him in public. He told me about his wife and personal problems. I eventually connected with some men that were more my type so I started to brush him off until he got the message.
Eventually I stopped living that life when I got closer to graduation. A lot of girls did it so it didn't bother me. So fast forward to when I met the man I'm with now, he's everything I could ever want in a man. Attractive, funny, great career, and religious. We dated but never had sex. I found Christ through him. I told him that I wanted to wait until marriage to sleep with him because I wanted it to feel special. He agreed and the next week, presented me with an engagement ring.
Last year on his birthday, he invited me to meet his parents. I walked in and instantly recognized the man at the table. It was the man I was with back in college, his father! I felt like I saw a ghost but tried to act normal. I pretended to meet him for the first time. He had a big grin on his face and continued to smile too much at the table. I don't think my fiance noticed anything but I told him midway through that I felt ill and wanted to go home. I've seen his father several times since then and he'd always make smart remarks around me. My fiance told him that we were waiting until marriage for sex and his father burst out laughing. It's almost like he was torturing me and I felt humiliated.
This past November, I was at their home for Thanksgiving. I was alone in the kitchen and his father came in. He whispered that he wanted to restart what we had. I ignored him and walked out. Since then, he made remarks about wanting me. I really didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lose my man. This past holiday, he told me that if I lay with him one last time, he would stop bothering me. He swore to God. I thought it over and we did it. He got a motel and I pleasured him like before. I really believed that he wouldn't bother me again but since then, every time we are alone, he tells me he wants me again. He's acting more aggressive too.
Two days ago, he called me and told me that if I don't sleep with him again, he will tell his son everything. I didn't respond and just hung up. I haven't left the house since. I haven't been sleeping and I feel suicidal. Every time something good happens in my life, something ruins it. My fiance has no idea I was that kind of girl back then. He has no idea I was with his father. I'm sure his mother doesn't know what her husband was doing either. I really just don't know what to do. No matter if I tell it or he tells it, my fiance will leave me. There is no way out of this. I'm tired of starting over and I really thought this would be it. I feel like there is no answer but I just want guidance if anyone can help.
There was one man in particular who I saw early on. Very unattractive and obese. However, he gave me almost anything I asked for and treated me well. He could not maintain an erection through sex so I would normally jerk him off for pleasure and we would cuddle. Sometimes I'd sit on his face and ride his tongue but we never had vaginal sex with his penis. I was really disgusted by him but not because of his age, but because of his looks. He was sloppy and I'd feel uncomfortable with him in public. He told me about his wife and personal problems. I eventually connected with some men that were more my type so I started to brush him off until he got the message.
Eventually I stopped living that life when I got closer to graduation. A lot of girls did it so it didn't bother me. So fast forward to when I met the man I'm with now, he's everything I could ever want in a man. Attractive, funny, great career, and religious. We dated but never had sex. I found Christ through him. I told him that I wanted to wait until marriage to sleep with him because I wanted it to feel special. He agreed and the next week, presented me with an engagement ring.
Last year on his birthday, he invited me to meet his parents. I walked in and instantly recognized the man at the table. It was the man I was with back in college, his father! I felt like I saw a ghost but tried to act normal. I pretended to meet him for the first time. He had a big grin on his face and continued to smile too much at the table. I don't think my fiance noticed anything but I told him midway through that I felt ill and wanted to go home. I've seen his father several times since then and he'd always make smart remarks around me. My fiance told him that we were waiting until marriage for sex and his father burst out laughing. It's almost like he was torturing me and I felt humiliated.
This past November, I was at their home for Thanksgiving. I was alone in the kitchen and his father came in. He whispered that he wanted to restart what we had. I ignored him and walked out. Since then, he made remarks about wanting me. I really didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lose my man. This past holiday, he told me that if I lay with him one last time, he would stop bothering me. He swore to God. I thought it over and we did it. He got a motel and I pleasured him like before. I really believed that he wouldn't bother me again but since then, every time we are alone, he tells me he wants me again. He's acting more aggressive too.
Two days ago, he called me and told me that if I don't sleep with him again, he will tell his son everything. I didn't respond and just hung up. I haven't left the house since. I haven't been sleeping and I feel suicidal. Every time something good happens in my life, something ruins it. My fiance has no idea I was that kind of girl back then. He has no idea I was with his father. I'm sure his mother doesn't know what her husband was doing either. I really just don't know what to do. No matter if I tell it or he tells it, my fiance will leave me. There is no way out of this. I'm tired of starting over and I really thought this would be it. I feel like there is no answer but I just want guidance if anyone can help.
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Again what have lies got you ???? thats the problem your always looking for ways to lie the question is why ??? why not try truth ???I appreciate all of the advice. I thought I could somehow get out of this but the few options I have won't work. I've thought about not telling him and calling his father's bluff. I realistically don't see him saying anything and risk destroying his own life in the process. However, I do know what happens in the dark always comes to the light. He will find out someday so it's best that it comes from me. I do realize that the harassment may never stop and I'm in no position to harm or threaten him.
My best friend thinks I should just sleep with my fiance now and lay it on him real good so that when I finally tell him, he will be inclined to stay. I've also thought about just telling him about my past but not mentioning his father. He doesn't really need to know who all was involved, just that it was something I once did. Too many people will be hurt and I understand that. If I could package this up to present to him more lightly, we might still have a chance. I love him and I want the best for him. He's not perfect but I've accepted him for who he is. I know I'm far from perfect but I will be hurt the most when/if this comes out. I'm sorry for what I did but I can't change the past. People go to prison and are given another chance when they get out. I feel like I'm not getting that chance.
And for the record, I was not a prostitute. A prostitute exchanges only sex for money. I provided a girlfriend experience and it was only with men that could afford it. That should be worth something at least. I didn't just give my body to any man that came along. Although the scripture says we must be truthful, it also says that we need to have forgiveness in our hearts.
So you are proving to us you want more lies when will you learn ??One thing that I've been thinking about is that if he wanted to tell his son, he would have done so already. The moment we were introduced, he would have told him how horrible I was and told him not to marry me. Just the fact that he hasn't said anything proves that he thinks I'm a good person and that he thinks I'm good enough for his son. Of course he has bad intentions but if my past was so bad, he would have said something by now.
I'm starting to lean towards not saying anything at all and calling his bluff. Me and my fiance have agreed that we will make the marriage work no matter what. We have plans for children. I know that if I can just stay long enough to have a baby, he won't leave if he ever finds out. It will be painful but I feel that with God, we can work it out. I do plan to tell him one day but the timing has to be right. Once he knows then I'll be free but I think we can agree that now isn't the right time.
Why is this thread still active? OP has 1 post and has been over a week since she was on TAM.
Let it die already.
Let it die already.
no matter how you twist it and make the lie appear like the truth no marriage or solid relationship has ever been built on lies and you are no different .. the thing is which is so shocking and shows your not ready for a committed relationship is the lack of value placed on trust..Sex is not a priority to be fiance. If it were, he'd have left when I told him that he needs to wait until marriage. He shouldn't care how many men I've been with for any reason because it's not a priority for him. You guys are jumping on me calling be a prostitute but I'm far from that. I've changed. The Lord has forgiven me. You call me a liar but I'm simply delaying the truth. I'll tell him one day but the timing needs to be right.
have you ever thought what would happen if he finds out , if not with his dad with someone esle what will be your excuse then be for not telling him and do you think for a moment there is any man alive that would accept your explanation then??. just think on that for a moment
Why is the OP only showing 1 post under her Avatar when she replied 13 times in this thread?
its not the lifestyle thats the problem its the lack of honesty you have shown towards your fiancee and hes going to feel that way too? why be with someone that you cant trust ??So you are all saying to tell him now. I see that now. You are all saying he will leave. I see that. What I'm saying is that don't you agree that if we are married and have children, he'll be more reluctant to leave? We are both young. He'll get over it eventually. I'm not proud of what I've done but I feel that God made me live that lifestyle before so I would know how to service my future husband. He will benefit from all the experience I have and I'll be only for him. That sounds like a better deal to me and you have to agree that I'm right.
kids wont make him stay all its doing is bringing kids into a torn home as a mother why would you want to do that ??
what do you thibk this betrayal will do to him ?? the longer it goes the worse your outcome will beThis is not about me being happy. This is about me protecting the family. Just think about who is hurting now. It's me. I'm the one carrying this burden while everyone else is happy. If I were to tell today, so many people would be hurt. If anything I'm protecting everyone. If I had some bad news to break to someone, it would be better to wait until the best possible moment. Don't you agree? Whether that's 3 days or 3 years, i haven't figured that out yet.
Judging from the responses here, I realize that I do need to tell him at some point. I promise I will do that. I've just realized that it's better we wait until we are settled in our married so at least my husband would have something to lose if he decides to leave. I have to protect myself too. I've put too much into this relationship to walk away with nothing.
Have you ever heard the phrase "paint yourself into a corner"? I actually did paint myself into a corner once. Literally. It's a thing that happens when you are painting a wooden or concrete floor. People who aren't thinking it through will generally start near the stairs or doorway that is their only exit. They diligently paint and paint, gradually moving backward to the rear-most part of the room. At some point, though, it dawns on them that the only way out of the room is across all of those square feet of still-wet paint. You're in the corner, you want to finish the floor and clean your paint brush, but you can't do that without ruining all of the hard work you've just completed. Your choices are to wait in your corner, trapped, until the pain dries. If you do that, the paint in your (still-open) paint can, and the paint on your brush, will also dry. You can't use the bathroom. Get a drink of water. You and everything you have will just dry up, shrink, and curl with dryness. Or, you walk across the fresh paint backward and try your best to cover up your footprints with fresh paint. But that never works, because the further you get toward the starting point, the more viscous and semi-dry the paint is already. Your footprints will remain in that paint forever, or at least until it becomes old and worn and it is time to re-paint the floor.
You should have been honest with your boyfriend/fiance about your past. I do not believe that a person should share his/her sexual history with every new date. However, there comes a point in a relationship that is moving toward serious commitment where it is incumbent upon partners to do this. In fact, it is critical. I always urge every couple getting serious enough to consider commitment to share sexual histories, for precisely the reason outlined in this thread. Sooner or later the history will come out. There may be things in one's sexual past that the partner cannot accept. It's best to figure that out early. Lies bloat and swell with time. The longer a lie lurks in the dark before being revealed, the larger it becomes.
Me, personally, if I were a young man considering proposing to a woman of quality whom I loved and clicked with, and she told me she had been an escort in her past, that would not impact my decision. There are a lot of men like me, who would commit to a woman who previously been a sex worker. And there are a lot of men for whom this would be a deal-breaker. If you are a woman who had been a sex worker, logic dictates that you'd want to be sure your man was in the former camp, not the latter, before yourself committing. Doing anything else is just dumb.
In your case, you have amplified the issues with your past by actively building a mythology with your fiance around your engagement: Christianity, purity, "saving" one's self for marriage. Personally I sneer at that concept, no matter who does it. What does "saving" one's self mean? Frottage, but no PIV intercourse? I'm aware that some self-described Christian girls engage in anal sex under this theory. What about masturbation? Erotic thoughts? Looking at porn? Wet dreams? Sexuality is a normal incident of adolescence and young adulthood. In general, "saving" one's self merely involves defining a synthetic boundary around a described subset of sexual activities (in my experience, usually it is limited to PIV intercourse) and agreeing that this handful of acts, out of the universe of all possible sexual acts, will not be shared together by this couple until after marriage. It's a goofy concept.
But I digress. You, my dear, are on the horns of a classic dilemma. Look up the concept of dilemma. Yours is a dilemma of your own creation. I honestly cannot believe you allowed this relationship to get to the point is has. Really poor judgment and decision-making. Your dilemma is especially large in size because of the nature of what you did in the "before" time vis-a-vis the synthetic construct that you and your fiance are choking down with respect to (the lack of) sex between the two of you now.
WWJD? I'll tell you what the J-Man would do: he'd tell the unvarnished truth. Be like J. Tell your man now, before you're married and it's too late.
I realize I may be wasting my breath. It appears that some or most of your replies have been deleted, but there are quotes from you in some of the other replies. Did you really say these things?
What I'm saying is that don't you agree that if we are married and have children, he'll be more reluctant to leave? We are both young. He'll get over it eventually.
Just think about who is hurting now. It's me. I'm the one carrying this burden while everyone else is happy. If I were to tell today, so many people would be hurt. If anything I'm protecting everyone. If I had some bad news to break to someone, it would be better to wait until the best possible moment. Don't you agree?
Nope. I don't agree. Not even a little. Lies grow with age. The above indicates an admixture of almost unfathomable naivete and profound self-interested dishonesty at the highest level. Fundamentally, you are a liar.
You guys are jumping on me calling be a prostitute but I'm far from that. I've changed. The Lord has forgiven me. You call me a liar but I'm simply delaying the truth. I'll tell him one day but the timing needs to be right.
To be clear, I'm not calling you a "prostitute", nor am I judging your worth as a woman. As I note, I personally would not have any issue committing to a woman who had been a sex worker at some stage of her life.
I realize that I do need to tell him at some point. I promise I will do that. I've just realized that it's better we wait until we are settled in our married so at least my husband would have something to lose if he decides to leave. I have to protect myself too. I've put too much into this relationship to walk away with nothing.
No, wait, I take that back. I am calling you a prostitute. "I've put too much into this relationship to walk away with nothing." Those words are the words of a *****. You are still approaching your relationship as a transactional exchange of consideration. Utterly despicable. I'm sorry I wasted my breath here.
I will close with this. Consider that the father-in-law to be is a fat disgusting pig with a flaccid weenie who cheats on his wife with sex workers. Consider that, in a lot of cases, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. Have you really educated yourself about the true deep-down character of the man you are thinking of marrying? Clearly, he does not know your true character. I think both of you are going into this with fantasies in your heads, denying your respective realities.
You should have been honest with your boyfriend/fiance about your past. I do not believe that a person should share his/her sexual history with every new date. However, there comes a point in a relationship that is moving toward serious commitment where it is incumbent upon partners to do this. In fact, it is critical. I always urge every couple getting serious enough to consider commitment to share sexual histories, for precisely the reason outlined in this thread. Sooner or later the history will come out. There may be things in one's sexual past that the partner cannot accept. It's best to figure that out early. Lies bloat and swell with time. The longer a lie lurks in the dark before being revealed, the larger it becomes.
Me, personally, if I were a young man considering proposing to a woman of quality whom I loved and clicked with, and she told me she had been an escort in her past, that would not impact my decision. There are a lot of men like me, who would commit to a woman who previously been a sex worker. And there are a lot of men for whom this would be a deal-breaker. If you are a woman who had been a sex worker, logic dictates that you'd want to be sure your man was in the former camp, not the latter, before yourself committing. Doing anything else is just dumb.
In your case, you have amplified the issues with your past by actively building a mythology with your fiance around your engagement: Christianity, purity, "saving" one's self for marriage. Personally I sneer at that concept, no matter who does it. What does "saving" one's self mean? Frottage, but no PIV intercourse? I'm aware that some self-described Christian girls engage in anal sex under this theory. What about masturbation? Erotic thoughts? Looking at porn? Wet dreams? Sexuality is a normal incident of adolescence and young adulthood. In general, "saving" one's self merely involves defining a synthetic boundary around a described subset of sexual activities (in my experience, usually it is limited to PIV intercourse) and agreeing that this handful of acts, out of the universe of all possible sexual acts, will not be shared together by this couple until after marriage. It's a goofy concept.
But I digress. You, my dear, are on the horns of a classic dilemma. Look up the concept of dilemma. Yours is a dilemma of your own creation. I honestly cannot believe you allowed this relationship to get to the point is has. Really poor judgment and decision-making. Your dilemma is especially large in size because of the nature of what you did in the "before" time vis-a-vis the synthetic construct that you and your fiance are choking down with respect to (the lack of) sex between the two of you now.
WWJD? I'll tell you what the J-Man would do: he'd tell the unvarnished truth. Be like J. Tell your man now, before you're married and it's too late.
I realize I may be wasting my breath. It appears that some or most of your replies have been deleted, but there are quotes from you in some of the other replies. Did you really say these things?
What I'm saying is that don't you agree that if we are married and have children, he'll be more reluctant to leave? We are both young. He'll get over it eventually.
Just think about who is hurting now. It's me. I'm the one carrying this burden while everyone else is happy. If I were to tell today, so many people would be hurt. If anything I'm protecting everyone. If I had some bad news to break to someone, it would be better to wait until the best possible moment. Don't you agree?
Nope. I don't agree. Not even a little. Lies grow with age. The above indicates an admixture of almost unfathomable naivete and profound self-interested dishonesty at the highest level. Fundamentally, you are a liar.
You guys are jumping on me calling be a prostitute but I'm far from that. I've changed. The Lord has forgiven me. You call me a liar but I'm simply delaying the truth. I'll tell him one day but the timing needs to be right.
To be clear, I'm not calling you a "prostitute", nor am I judging your worth as a woman. As I note, I personally would not have any issue committing to a woman who had been a sex worker at some stage of her life.
I realize that I do need to tell him at some point. I promise I will do that. I've just realized that it's better we wait until we are settled in our married so at least my husband would have something to lose if he decides to leave. I have to protect myself too. I've put too much into this relationship to walk away with nothing.
No, wait, I take that back. I am calling you a prostitute. "I've put too much into this relationship to walk away with nothing." Those words are the words of a *****. You are still approaching your relationship as a transactional exchange of consideration. Utterly despicable. I'm sorry I wasted my breath here.
I will close with this. Consider that the father-in-law to be is a fat disgusting pig with a flaccid weenie who cheats on his wife with sex workers. Consider that, in a lot of cases, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. Have you really educated yourself about the true deep-down character of the man you are thinking of marrying? Clearly, he does not know your true character. I think both of you are going into this with fantasies in your heads, denying your respective realities.
??Why is the OP only showing 1 post under her Avatar when she replied 13 times in this thread?
Your right. Maybe the mods trimmed it.
All the posts are still there. It just doesn't make sense.??
Your right. Maybe the mods trimmed it.
Posters continuing to comment to OP doesn't make sense, either.
I can't believe this thread is still going. Oops, looks like I contributed to the problem.Posters continuing to comment to OP doesn't make sense, either.
For the final time, I was not a prostitute! I never walked the streets. I was particular about who I was and most men wouldn't be in the same room with me if they weren't in the right income bracket. I did very well for myself and I was in control. I did things on my term.Are there really prostitutes who believe they're not prostitutes because their clients are wealthy? This is so fundamentally disconnected from reality that I can't see how OP could possibly be ready for marriage. Note that I have nothing against prostitution. Just wondering why OP can't be honest with herself.
Couple this with lying, manipulation, and cafeteria-style Christianity, her plans to trap her fiance...
And for anyone wondering, we are doing just fine. I've been giving him the best sex of his life. He isn't going anywhere anytime soon. We'll get married and have children. The date is next month. When I feel the time is right then I'll tell him everything. The timing depends on God. I've been praying and he has not shown me when the time is right. It may never come but that's not up to me. Until then, I'll be burdened with keeping this secret to protect the one I love. This is not easy for me and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm falling on the sword to protect this family and although it hurts, the outcome of my life will be worth it.
There sure are. The ones who get groomed are indoctrinated with this type of BS. Strip clubs try to make them feel empowered with this nonsense.Are there really prostitutes who believe they're not prostitutes because their clients are wealthy? This is so fundamentally disconnected from reality that I can't see how OP could possibly be ready for marriage. Note that I have nothing against prostitution. Just wondering why OP can't be honest with herself.
Couple this with lying, manipulation, and cafeteria-style Christianity, her plans to trap her fiance...
Gross, just gross.
Yeah you were a prostitute.
The gross is about trapping this man.
This is so heinous. It's disgusting.
Yeah you were a prostitute.
The gross is about trapping this man.
This is so heinous. It's disgusting.
The only difference between you and a streetwalker is price and honesty.For the final time, I was not a prostitute! I never walked the streets. I was particular about who I was and most men wouldn't be in the same room with me if they weren't in the right income bracket. I did very well for myself and I was in control. I did things on my term.
And for anyone wondering, we are doing just fine. I've been giving him the best sex of his life. He isn't going anywhere anytime soon. We'll get married and have children. The date is next month. When I feel the time is right then I'll tell him everything. The timing depends on God. I've been praying and he has not shown me when the time is right. It may never come but that's not up to me. Until then, I'll be burdened with keeping this secret to protect the one I love. This is not easy for me and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm falling on the sword to protect this family and although it hurts, the outcome of my life will be worth it.
Would you be more comfortable being called an escort? EITHER way, you were paid to perform sexual activities....For the final time, I was not a prostitute! I never walked the streets. I was particular about who I was and most men wouldn't be in the same room with me if they weren't in the right income bracket. I did very well for myself and I was in control. I did things on my term.
Whatever you want to call it. It's not who I am today. I'm proud of what I've done because it made me into the woman that I am today. Women have done what you may consider much worse that I have and yet they are praised in the media. Look at Cardi B, Mia Khalifa, super head. They don't deserve a husband because of what they did? My body now belongs to my husband. All my experience is for his pleasure now.Would you be more comfortable being called an escort? EITHER way, you were paid to perform sexual activities....
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