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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay, so I've been trying to sort out my thoughts for a while now before making this post, but the more I think, the more jumbled by thoughts become.

Basically, here's the gist: my husband and I are going through a bit of a trial phase right now. Relationally, things have been tense, but a conversation last night that went very well, lead to us having sex...and that got me thinking.

I've been having issues with UTI's. I'm pretty sure they're mostly under control now, having finally gotten the right antibiotic, but I've noticed that my mentality is different regarding intercourse. Being off the pill has also helped my sex drive, so we're having sex more frequently, but I find myself wondering...is our sex life fulfilling to him?

My mentality has changed in that I'm not so much focused on the actual sex or intimacy. I'm kind of...well, paranoid. Anything that seems remotely connected to causing a UTI, I'm just not open for. Which is too bad, because it's kind of cut off one of my favorite positions.

For me, I don't even always have to orgasm to feel fulfilled. My husband isn't the type to satisfy me first, and I don't particularly enjoy asking for oral. We sort of just go with whatever we feel like at the moment. I do orgasm through PIV but only in one particular position, and not every time. But, like I said, I don't need an orgasm to feel fulfilled and connected afterward.

Reading on this forum I've noticed that it seems like what fulfills men is newness in the bedroom; trying different positions frequently, breaking up the routine, breaking out of vanilla sex into more risque things, etc. So, is this generally true for men? Or is sex fulfilling so long as your wife participates? I'm asking because I really want our sex life to fulfill him, not just satisfy him. And I know, only he can really answer this question, but frankly, I've been asking him so many questions that I'd like this one to just happen. If the general consensus here is that newness in the bedroom attributes to fulfillment, then I'll just up and try something new on him. I doubt he would complain. :D And if not, if it's generally that men just enjoy a wife who participates, I'll focus on that and see how he reacts. And if bringing him sexual fulfillment causes another UTI, oh freaking well. I'd rather have a mutually fulfilling sex life and have reoccurring UTI's than miss out on such a wonderful part of the relationship.

Thanks guys!
 

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You've been around the block here enough times to know the answers you're going to get here.

If you want to know what he thinks, the only person to ask is him, not us.

If you want to try something new in the bedroom, knock yourself out. Most men won't complain, and most of those here would love it. Of course, since it's mostly the HD types who hang out here regularly, we're not exactly a representative sample.

So quit pissing off the rest of us who don't have wives who are so compliant. :)
 

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OP, the best thing you can do is to have a direct convo with your husband and not beat around the bush :rofl: (sorry, couldn't resist). Seriously, talk to him and get his input.

As you may have noticed, I don't have maximum variety in my sex life, but I enjoy my sex life overall. For the most part, I'm fulfilled. But if I had to choose between a lot of variety or a lot of interaction from my wife, I'd choose an active participant over variety 10 times out of 10. This is just for example and I realize that what I wrote above is NOT an either/or proposition. All I'm trying to point out is that active participation is much more desirable than inactivity with multiple positions.
 

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I'll second what Cletus said. I can answer what works for me but I'm not your husband (lucky bastard he is).

For me it's all about enthusiasm. Wanting to be wanted is what is the most fulfilling for me. I also really like knowing my wife is satisfied and fulfilled, so I already know my answer is different from your husband's.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Alrighty then.

My intention certainly wasn't to upset anyone. Sorry if I did.
 

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And I know, only he can really answer this question, but frankly, I've been asking him so many questions that I'd like this one to just happen.
The answer is that it varies.
Sometimes,two people who have sex regularly develop sexual chemistry.
When there's that chemistry, they just go with the flow.
The temperature in the bedroom chamber tends to vary from time to time.
Even when its just " warm" it can be satisfying because there's that chemistry.
When its smoking hot it satisfies too because of that same chemistry.
The most important thing is not just newness,different positions and so forth ,but the chemistry between both people that sets the temperature in the bedroom chamber.
 

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Active passionate participation is the cornerstone. From there variety is good, but not just positions. Lingerie, short skirts, booty shorts, general stripper wear, light role play, telling me a fantasy story, DIRTY TALK, are things that can make it less ordinary. I can tell you things I was not into 5 or 15 years ago really work for me now. People change, so just because it didn't work in the past does not mean it might not work now. Don't take anything that you are comfortable with off the table.

Back many moons ago when I was young a girlfriend started some dirty talk and I was shocked by it and it was a complete turn off. I think my reaction stunted her creativity and things went downhill after a year. My wife of 20 years would use it a little, but it has exploded in the past 7 years and is great. We now just need a bigger vocabulary. I think I was conditioned that that kind of thing was disrespectful. As I have mentioned before she can get going so much it would make a porn star blush. Seriously.

Just don't push to much to fast. There is comfort in familiarity.

Your UTI problem needs to be addressed and not by just by your doc. Antibiotics are a lifesaver but totally screw up your internal balance. You need to actively try to restore it and use frequent high quality probiotics during and for a long time after you finish treatment. If you have a Whole Foods nearby they have some good stuff. Just having some yogurt is not enough. Fermented foods are important also. My wife went on an elimination diet for about six weeks and it made the world of difference for her. She starved that yeast out. No more yeast infections or UTIs for about a year UNTIL we invoked the "Candy Tax" after Halloween this year. Big mistake. A few weeks later the yeast infections started back up and I have been picking up a bug every other week.
 

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Alrighty then.

My intention certainly wasn't to upset anyone. Sorry if I did.
You most definitely didn't upset me. You asked a question and I'm trying to answer it the best I can. Because of what you said, I think your husband and I are quite a bit different.

It sounds like you may have a higher drive than your husband. Unfortunately we don't get men with a lower drive to visit here to help you.
 

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My mentality has changed in that I'm not so much focused on the actual sex or intimacy. I'm kind of...well, paranoid. Anything that seems remotely connected to causing a UTI, I'm just not open for. Which is too bad, because it's kind of cut off one of my favorite positions.

For me, I don't even always have to orgasm to feel fulfilled. My husband isn't the type to satisfy me first, and I don't particularly enjoy asking for oral.
Oral is natural. He may not know you like it. If you're insecure about it then you may not know how much you would like it either. But more importantly, some positions are not very comfortable if you just jump straight to them. if you want to start trying new things then him doing oral first would help to get your body ready. I think even the uterus moves when highly excited which help in some positions.
 

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Try not to over think it, it's sex, it's supposed to fun. I know I have over thought and the results were predictably poor. I think it's more of a guy problem but still.
 

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New, risque, really risque, be a really really dirty girl. Most men will love it!
Yes I would have to agree with the above. We all enjoy our spouses as the wife , mother and best friend in front of the world to see however ............ behind close doors ummmmmm I much prefer the naughty , naughty ....... " uninhibited " woman in bed !!!!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
This may be a silly question...but what kind of foods should I be eating? Probiotic...I'll do some research.
 

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Created2Write said:

Reading on this forum I've noticed that it seems like what fulfills men is newness in the bedroom; trying different positions frequently, breaking up the routine, breaking out of vanilla sex into more risque things, etc.
My husband is a strange one...he's never cared about any of this... so long as I was beaming from an orgasm/ had my fireworks ... he'd do vanilla till he hit dirt....totally fulfilled in that... a simple man he is.

It was ME who shook it up & introduced new positions / more spice / more flirting... more lots of things.

My
- a passion to BE THERE is all he has ever needed from me. He was never one to ask for more....he just wanted more of IT.

So, is this generally true for men? Or is sex fulfilling so long as your wife participates?
Mine would feel a little empty if he felt I was JUST pleasing him / participating... he would even forgo a romp till I was "feeling it" ~ thirsty for it... that is just how he is wired...he wants to feel my passion for him, my desire = his fulfillment ... in my kiss, in my receptiveness to his touch, a rising excitement.

I feel the spirit written in this write up can inspire every wife -and yet capture what MEN truly want from their wives as well....especially the lines nearing the end....speaking of
&
.....

Sex is desiring him every time you look at him. Needing him to fill that wonderful yearning deep inside you that needs filling & to die for. Sex is having breasts that ached to be touched & loved & you can not live without it. Sex is waking him up in the middle of the night as you need him & want him & then you find that he wants you just as much & you make love for an hour & get up & have coffee & wonder where the years have gone. Sex is finding the thrill after years of a man that can still make you scream & turn you to mush. Sex is turning him into a crazy man who wants you more than his own life.

Now. Love is being able to see some fault in your lover but shutting your mouth for the good of a marriage. Love is having to give & take in a marriage. Learning where to stop an argument when it is not important to win. Winning sometimes can be losing. Love is being able to find in that precious other the boy in the man that you fell in love when you 1st married. Love is being able to go to the sexiest side of you & turn that man into mush after all these years. Love is being able to hear from your lover that if you die first he will follow you as he cannot live without you . Love is the sunshine in the morning when it is cloudy out but seeing him next to you makes your world.

Love is being able to say screwing & not being embarrassed plus any other really dirty word in the bedroom as he loves it. The dirtier the better as we all know that ladies do not talk dirty with those wonderful words but we also know as ladies that when we enter our bedroom to our precious that we leave the lady at the door. We then turn into his sex siren. As hot & as sensual as can be. And then we all know that when we leave that bedroom we again pick up the lady. All us ladies must have the two faces of Eve. This makes for a very very fullfilling marriage, full of intimacy and Love. A man would never stray if he had this.

Hope you don't mind me answering Created2write.... as I said in your last thread... he just isn't the writer, but I know him & what he would say like the back of my hand.

But how very TRUE... every man is different, I'd say the vast majority - the more Alpha, depending on his Lover Style... they'd feel like they died & went to Heaven with more Erotic novelty & enthusiastic variety from their wives & most especially if they are of the Erotic Lover Style..

Great book for every wife...
Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man:
 

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I've had about 5 UTI's in 11 months. They are a pain in the you know what. I went to a Urologist finally because I had never had them before. Basically he said that age is one factor, hormones etc. The other thing was to be very careful during sex that fingers don't go in one area, then go to the other area (catch my drift), some women are really sensitive with that. You can take a certain antibiotic either before or after sex, it's one dosage and it prevents one from happening. Yeast infections are a whole other story though, and some women are just prone to them I think.
 

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This may be a silly question...but what kind of foods should I be eating? Probiotic...I'll do some research.
100% pure Cranberry Juices.[ My favourite is Ocean Spray ]


1 tbsp of Apple cider Vinegar mixed with 1 glass of water every morning.

Helps keep th eph balance normal and a clean the urinary tract.

Like thundarr said, stay off the heavy sugary juices. Drink only fresh fruit juices. No sodas.
 

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You can also get cranberry tablets. The Candida Diet is supposed to starve all the yeast out of your system but it's full on.

Lots of UTIs can lead to kidney damage too, so I hope you can find a good solution soon.
 
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